Funny Guides and Lists

Hilarious how-to's, funny rules, and colorful advice, conveniently presented in numerical, graphical, and easy-to-laugh format. (Rarely in 3D.) Submit an article »

Ryan OCarolan's picture

How to Score Drugs in 7 Easy Steps

Whenever I write an article or post a video, I can usually expect to receive a fair bit of mail. One question that regularly crops up is, "What drugs are you on, and where can I get some?" While the answer to the first part of that question is fairly straightforward (a cocktail of whiskey, ketamine, and paprika), the second part really does deserve a more in-depth explanation. Read More »

Janet Eve Josselyn's picture

5 Reasons Why Your Parents Raised a Pussy

Your parents were born in the 20th century, which explains why they are old and why you are only half the man or woman they were at your age. Many of those parents were born before Xbox or hands-free headsets existed and before Al Gore invented the internet. So they had unlimited time to explore the world around them. Read More »

Wesley Jansen's picture

7 Things You Should Know Before You Graduate from College

WARNING: The following article is not intended for mature audiences. It is intended for college graduates and those pursuing their degree. It is poorly written, opinionated, immature, highly offensive, and unsupported by research. It lacks thematic unity, and it contains extremely bad transitions. Read More »

Eric Koeppel's picture

10 Less-Popular Relaxation Soundscapes

Look, I get it, it's nearly impossible to fall asleep in a world fueled by 5-hour Energy drinks, Java Monsters, and Dewskis. But what are you gonna do? Stop drinking them?! Get real, man. What you need is one of those sweet relaxation soundscapes that your step-mom plays at her massage studio. Read More »

Drake Ramora's picture

How Anilingus Can Cure the Obesity Epidemic

There is currently a massive obesity epidemic spreading throughout the Western world. Well, I say "the Western world," but it's really only the Anglo countries of the Western world: Britain, Ireland, Australia, and the USA. So why is obesity not spreading through France, Germany, Spain and Italy? They have Coca-Cola. They have McDonald's. So what's going on? Read More »

Ryan OCarolan's picture

A Teacher's Guide to Shooting Students

A year ago, South Dakota became the first state in the USA to create a law specifically permitting teachers to carry guns into schools, and several states now have similar policies in specific school districts. Read More »

Matthew Chard's picture

Batman and Robin Debate Comic Con's Top 10 Moments

Batman and Robin at Comic Con 2014 San Diego

San Diego Comic Con 2014 has come and gone, thus marking another successful year for the world's largest pop culture (read: nerdy) expo. As always, the event was a mixture of highs and lows. We saw some great films of the future being teased, as well as plenty of five-hour line-ups, over-priced merchandise, and 400-pound men dressed as characters from My Little Pony. Read More »

Nick Hilbourn's picture

A Financial Approach to Having Sex as Quickly as Possible

Hi, Nick Hilbourn here, financial and sexual consultant. When I first had business cards printed that expressed these two (supposedly) estranged topics, I usually heard astonishment at my expertise in two very "different" fields. (I should note that the person asking the question did not put quotation marks around "different," I did.) Read More »

Gregory Austin's picture

The 5 Most Notorious Sufferers of George R. R. Martin Syndrome

George R. R. Martin is an author who should be best known for his A Song of Ice and Fire fantasy book series, the basis for the hit HBO show Game of Thrones (which he also writes for). Instead, he's much better known for the amount of procrastination he takes between each of his novels. Read More »

Wesley Jansen's picture

10 MORE Expressions That Really Piss Me Off

Baby with hat on covering its ears

« Back to Part 1, "10 Expressions That Really Piss Me Off"

1. "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that this quote originated from the Greek philosopher Epictetus. I have nothing against this quote, and I actually agree with it to some degree. However, I do have a problem with people using this phrase when they give advice to others. The harsh reality about advice is that the ones who give it are almost always the ones who are not in the pressure cooker. Read More »

Jerry Landry's picture

The Ten Commandments of Social Media Status Updates

Twitter chalk drawing in black and white

1. Share Unto Others as They Would Share Unto You

The world we see is the world we share. Did you climb a lesser-known mountain peak? Share it. Did you find a humorous, but really "down-to-earth" article? Share it. Do you have crude footage from a live concert? Share that shit! If we don't see it from you, then there's only a 99.64% chance that we'll see anything like it from someone else! Read More »

Michael Jenkins's picture

I Believe This Book You Lent Me Has Spent Considerable Time in Your Bathroom

Citing it as, "the book that genuinely defines our generation," you placed this paperback in my hands and told me that I would be remiss if I didn't scan these pages; these frayed, peeled back pages. Read More »

Brendan McLoughlin's picture

How to Spam My Friends After You've Hacked My Email

Congratulations! You hacked my email—yet again. Don't get excited, I've already changed my password. How long will we continue this dance? Year after year it's the same story: you hack my email, then you try to push an endless number of weight loss pills and male enhancement on my contacts "from me." What's your angle? Read More »

Ryan OCarolan's picture

How NOT to Buy a Lottery Ticket at a Convenience Store

Losing lottery ticket

"A bird pooped on me. I should buy a lotto ticket!"
-Actual quote

It has been brought to my attention that you are, by and large, morons. As a result, I have compiled a list of things you should know not to do before you come to the convenience store where I work and purchase a lottery ticket. Read More »

Alex Deniz's picture

6 Shitty Jobs You Really Did in the Navy

Sailor dog wearing a Navy hat

We've all seen the Navy commercials "Accelerate Your Life" and "A Global Force For Good." You see all the sailors doing all kinds of awesome shit, making you stop and really think about your life. Well, I was one of those bright-eyed, naive fucks that got suckered into the hype. Read More »

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