Funny Guides and Lists

Hilarious how-to's, funny rules, and colorful advice, conveniently presented in numerical, graphical, and easy-to-laugh format. (Rarely in 3D.) Submit an article »

Robby Rothfeld's picture

The Three Pillars of Colonoscopy Etiquette

Doctor putting on a rubber latex glove

Attending a one-camera shoot on location somewhere between your pancreas and what's left of your dignity can present social challenges rarely encountered in the course of even the fullest life on the grandest of stages. Read More »

Charles Hartley's picture

Your 3-Step Recipe for Ruining Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving dogs in Pilgrim costumes

Your job this year is to ruin Thanksgiving for everybody. Here are three simple steps to accomplish that.

1. Complain

Complain about the size of the turkey, that it's either too big or too small or looks gross. Read More »

Candice Lee Jones's picture

13 No Shit Tips for Nailing a Job Interview

Bright lights on a man at a table

I believe there are two groups of people: those who are naturally awesome at everything they try, and those who are awesome, but struggle to achieve even a fraction of what the other lucky bastards achieve without lifting a finger. The former consists of The Most Interesting Man in the World, Ridiculously Photogenic Guy, and Morgan Freeman. The latter is the rest of us. Read More »

Taylor Sade's picture

5 Thanksgiving Traditions You Can't Avoid

Boy wearing a Native American headband

Thanksgiving is often the forgotten holiday. Maybe because it's sandwiched between Satan and Jesus's birthdays. Or maybe because it's on some weird Thursday that nobody knows about unless they buy a calendar or Google it. Read More »

Luke Strickler's picture

Generic Guy's Guide to Picking Profile Pics

Guy's profile pic on social media

A profile picture is your Internet face. And, just like your real face, it will be severely critiqued by every person who sees it, so it's important to get it right. Remember, even if your real face isn't great, there's no reason your Internet face can't be.

The Mirror Pic Read More »

Janet Eve Josselyn's picture

10 Ways to Get Girls to Like You

Impressed girl

If you enjoy having sex with girls (or "women" as the older ones like to be called), you will increase your chances of getting laid if you keep the following 10 things in mind.

1. Give her flowers. Read More »

Eve Ellenbogen's picture

6 Surprising Perks of Backpacking Around the World

For years, you've been boring the balls off of whoever was unlucky enough to share your table in the office cafeteria, talking about your "penchant for early Indian civilization" (is that even a thing?). Read More »

Matt Nagin's picture

Brutally Honest Marketing Copy for 13 Companies You Love to Hate

Uber iPhone icon

Uber

Uber provides a simple, reliable way to pay top dollar to be kidnapped by a serial rapist. Let any bloke off the street pick you up, throw you in his basement, cover your face in masking tape, and suppress your screams as he sodomizes you ad nauseam. Oh, and for the privilege of having your dignity stripped, you can count on Uber to automatically include a 20% gratuity. Read More »

Chris Blexrud's picture

5 Insanely Simple Steps to Crafting a Thought Catalog Article

I'm Surrounded By Idiots button

Okay, so you want to write for Thought Catalog. Great! Wanting to write is half the battle! Of course, lots of things are half the battle. Not wanting to write is also half the battle. Let's not win the battle and lose the war here.

1. Embrace your relationship with lists. Read More »

Randy S. Robbins's picture

12 Veterans Who Never Got the Credit They Deserved

Popeye the Sailor Man holding spinach can with huge bicep

Veterans Day—the day we recognize those who have faithfully served our country. And among the multitude who have proudly worn the uniform of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, or Coast Guard over the last two and a quarter centuries, I want to thank several veterans in particular who stood in defense of this nation. Read More »

Geoffrey Asmus's picture

US Government Survey: Why Did You Vote?

I Voted Today sticker

Please check the appropriate box below, so that we, The United States Government, know why you chose to vote in the most recent election last Tuesday. Your answer will remain strictly confidential.* Read More »

Tim Michaels's picture

Last Ditch Ways to Talk Yourself Out of Being Arrested

Need help getting handcuffs off

We've all been arrested, and if you haven't, then you probably haven't lived life the way it was meant to be lived. Obviously, it should not be a daily occurrence, or even something you seek out. Much like putting Windex in someone's drink, it has to be spontaneous. That is really the only way it will be seen as funny and legitimate. Read More »

Kerreanna DiMauro's picture

25 Words & Expressions With Completely New Meanings

Obliviot sign

Every year, new words and phrases are officially integrated into the English lexicon. How do lexicographers update the Oxford English Dictionary? Read More »

Dominic Coats's picture

The 6 Types of "Talks"

Cartoon with human mouth open

During my many travels around the world (by "the world" I mean from my apartment to the grocery store and back) I have successfully interacted with tens, if not elevens of people. After much observation and study I have compiled a list of the six most prevalent forms of conversation, or "talks," one would encounter during one's day to day. Read More »

Wesley Jansen's picture

7 MORE Keys for Successful Living

Bright Future Ahead sign

« Back to Part 1, "7 Keys for Successful Living"

1. Remain balanced on political and social issues.

Whenever I'm out in public, I consider it extremely important to maintain a masculine image. I was driving down the highway in my Buick Skylark the other day smoking a Virginia Slim while cranking the volume to my favorite Whitney Houston classic, "I Wanna Dance with Somebody," when I suddenly heard and felt several loud thumps on the front end of my car. Apparently, I had failed to notice the small group of young people on the side of the road who were protesting by carrying signs that said "Pro-Life." Read More »

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