Funny Guides and Lists

Hilarious how-to's, funny rules, and colorful advice, conveniently presented in numerical, graphical, and easy-to-laugh format. (Rarely in 3D.) Submit an article »

Lucas Gardner's picture

The Third Cop in the Good Cop, Bad Cop Routine

Tired, horny cop

The good cop/bad cop routine is a classic interrogation tactic used in every interrogation room in damn near every police precinct in the world. It's a simple psychological trick: the "bad cop" goes into the interrogation room and gives the suspect hell, taking a highly aggressive approach, making threats and accusations. Read More »

Kyle Bauer's picture

Twitter Translations: College Girl Edition

Twitter girl with big red lips

If you're not a seasoned veteran of the Twitter streets then some of these girls' tweets might be hard to decipher. After a few years of research and experiments, I have gradually turned into the Rosetta Stone of this Twitter shit. Let me start off with some basic translations for beginners.

"Someone come cuddle" Read More »

Lucas Hubbard's picture

How to Completely Empathize with Road-Raged Drivers

Man with road rage gesturing out his car window

So you want to get your driver's license. You're excited to learn your hand positions of 10-and-2 and your parallel parking and your highway merging. And if you're like most everyone else, then you think learning all this is how you'll become a driver. Read More »

Joseph R. Honescko's picture

The Absolute Douchebag's Guide to Driving

Douchebag driver

Oh man, the first thing you're gonna need is a truck.

1. When selecting a truck, always remember the golden rule: the bigger, the better.

This rule will apply to almost everything we talk about, other than your tank top. Read More »

Kyle Bauer's picture

5 Valuable Tips for Incoming College Freshman Dudes

College freshman guy

High school graduates all over the country are gearing up for college and have no idea what to anticipate or expect. Move-in day is still a couple of months away, but the aroma of cargo shorts and freshly purchased lanyards is already filling the air, so I decided to deliver some of the most valuable, first-hand knowledge and advice I could think of for all the incoming freshmen dudes out there. Read More »

Tim Sullivan's picture

A Handy Guide to Omen-Based Investing

Crow as an omen for investing

Have you ever wanted to start playing the markets, but don't know where to start? Are you already investing and want to take your trading to the next level? Does it seem like investing is a full-time job, one you just can't fit in to your schedule? Read More »

Alex von Sternberg's picture

The Biggest Threat to Marriage Equality is Apophis

Pride flag with blue sky

In a landmark decision yesterday, the United States Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples can marry nationwide, a move that many see as a cause to celebrate, and others see as a cause to bemoan. This is understandable, seeing as the topic of "gay marriage" has been in the political lexicon for nearly 30 years, with debates raging around policies such as the 1994 "Don't Ask Don't Tell" ruling (and its 2011 repeal) or the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996 causing quite a stir. Read More »

Jim Wesley's picture

Three Compelling Reasons Bigfoot is Real

Bigfoot Crossing sign

Bigfoot, a giant, ape-like man (that should actually be called Bigfeet because it's a biped), is real and I am going to give you three conclusive reasons why. This hippie-like monster of an ape has been cruising through the forests and mountains of North America for! Read More »

Charles Hartley's picture

Three Worthless Insights Worth Remembering

Erasing pencil

Here are three insights of use to no one...

1. Don't lie on the street and have a construction worker ride his jackhammer and drive the sharp-edged side into your forehead.

This is a useless insight on many levels. Read More »

Candice Lee Jones's picture

How to Know If You're a Preptard

Scared woman with newspaper and hands on her head sitting on a bench

Hi, my name is Candice, and I'm a preptard. ("Hi, Candice!") If you're unfamiliar with the term, allow me to educate you. A "preptard" is a person who loves to prepare for future events. I'm not talking about birthdays, holidays, or vacations; those scenarios are far too sane. Read More »

Luke Strickler's picture

Why I Think Jaws Should Be Remade With a Car Instead of a Shark

Nice Jaws shark

Last year, nearly 1.3 million people died in road crashes. That's 3,287 deaths per day. An additional 20-50 million people are injured or disabled. However, the US only averages 19 shark attacks each year, and just one shark attack fatality every two years. Looking at the facts, how can any logical person be afraid of the great white disappointment that is Jaws? Read More »

Taylor Sade's picture

13 Steps to Prove You're Not a Hipster

Hipster sketch looks like Unabomber

It's an epidemic: hipsters. They're everywhere. You may be one of them. Being a hipster is on the same playing field as being declared insane: try to rebut it and that only makes it more true. It's the ultimate catch-22.

Thankfully, following these 13 easy steps will ensure you're not a hipster, and definitely never be mistaken for one again. Read More »

Charles Hartley's picture

Points in Case Sentences Sick Freelance Writer to Death

Naked woman crawling out of a cage

There is this knobby cyst about the size of a baseball on my stomach underneath my left rib cage. As smooth as a whiffle ball to rub, it jams against my ribs. The region feels irritated and sore.

The doctor tells me it's not cancer. I think it is. But I would rather go on thinking I'm not dying. This is foolhardy and naïve because death does us all in. Did you get the memo? Read More »

Luke Strickler's picture

7 Things Everyone on Earth Will DEFINITELY Understand

Hands together in a ball forming Planet Earth with blue paint

1. Breathing.

The inflow of oxygen rich air into your lungs, followed by the release of carbon dioxide, helping to support the necessary vital systems for survival? You guys get it? THAT'S SO CRAZY! We're like, two peas in the same pod, right? I'm not alone in this? Hello? Read More »

Taylor Sade's picture

9 Obituaries That Reinforce Terrible Career Choices

Steve Jobs "Slide to Unlock" tombstone in graveyard

1. "Long John" Thomas Philips "Hardwood"

John Thomas Philips was born October 18, 1935 and passed away at on March 20, 2015, just as spring hormones were in bloom again. John, better known by his pseudonym "Long John Hardwood," worked diligently with dongs and thongs until he was 80 years old. He was a dedicated employee, working his way up from boom operator to director. He died on set a happy man. The devout Catholic's wake will be held at Pretty Kitty's strip club. Read More »

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