Funny Guides and Lists
Hilarious how-to's, funny rules, and colorful advice, conveniently presented in numerical, graphical, and easy-to-laugh format. (Rarely in 3D.) Submit an article »
Alcohol is great. Anybody who says different is either a loser who thinks he's better than everybody else because he "doesn't need alcohol to have fun," or an alcoholic. It's easy to become the latter, since life is pretty terrible, so the question is: how to keep drinking and still (appear to) be a functioning member of society? Read More »
Congratulations on purchasing your very own Steve Harwell's Kloud Kickr Vape Pen! Steve is so happy to have you! With this step forward you have reached Astro Level One and are that much closer to achieving nirvana with the Kloud Kicker himself, vape creator and lead singer of Smash Mouth, Steve Harwell. Read More »
1. "Personally, I've never been a fan of having my mouth invaded by your hand sausages, but I understand this is your job, and I'll be damned if I don't respect your craft." Read More »
Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice is arguably an even bigger hype than Star Wars 7. Do you know why? Of course you do! Because everybody fucking loves superhero duels. I can't set foot in my workplace for more than 4 seconds without hearing 12 people having these "conversations": Read More »
A magical thing happens when two men urinate into the same receptacle: a bond is formed in silence, side-by-side, unknown to members of the fairer sex. Brothers are made at the trough, everlasting camaraderie formed. Though, if a bond is disrupted during its inception, an opposing and catastrophic reaction can occur... Read More »
I am currently in the profession of saving lives. I go to work and save freakin' lives. I am a virtual shield; a telephonic Thor, if you will, to thousands of scared and incompetent people. My weapon of choice isn't a sawed off Winchester or Rick Grimes six-shooter. Nah, man. I'm strapped and riding dirty with a headset, yo. Read More »
Ladies, here's the cold hard truth: If you want a man, you're going to have to make some sacrifices. Some are small, like only pooping once a week in the dead of night at the gas station across town. Others are bigger. Read More »
Listen while you read!
Somme-body once told me the world is gonna war me
I got a metal spike on my head
I was looking at Verdun just a soldier on the run
Crazy how all those guys are even more dead. Read More »
1. Category 4 Hurricane
It starts off as a tropical storm created by an influx of cold Sammy Adams on a massive low pressure trough of tequila near Juarez. Then the rapidly-swirling vortex of alcohol intensifies as a large mass of Corona streams in from the southwest, touching off tens of banana daiquiris in its deadly wake. For the love of God, please seek shelter! Read More »
Have you ever thought to yourself, "Why do I have to die?" Well, let me be the first to tell you that you're not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality. In fact, many of us who are afraid to die don't realize how lucky we are to be living in the times that we do. Read More »
1. DJ Toss
It takes a special person to be a successful DJ, but forget about that because you need a mediocre DJ willing to be jetpacked clear across the ballroom. Select a young college student with serious majors whose real passion is music and hire him or her! Read More »
You've just met a cute guy and you're wondering: Is he a scary man with the potential to one day angry-murder you with a phone book and then charm the jury into giving him a shortened sentence, or is he actually (gasp!) into you?
Sometimes it's hard to tell, but if you look closely, there are a few key differences. Read More »
Everybody, step back! Step back, I say! The rumors you've heard are true!
My good-for-nothin', deadbeat, dog-faced, extremely wealthy uncle left me a whole million dollars in his will—a million smackeroonies just for me! Finally, he did something that benefits someone else for once! And you know what he told me right before he died? He told me to make something of myself. Read More »
1. Wildlife preserve for thousands of dislocated pine beetles and sand crabs.
2. Aesthetically unattractive yet functional paperweight.
3. Mother of all chia pets. Read More »
For a dead guy, Hitler is doing a pretty good job of gaining an online following. His YouTube comedy channel has now passed both Shane Dawson and Fred, and he's up for a Clio for his Mercedes commercial. Read More »