Bruce Willis has two acting styles: 1) Being an indestructible hard ass, and 2) Kevin Costner. Bruce has bloodied and muddied wifebeaters, sustained repeated cuts beneath his left eye, and even seen a helicopter crash into a police car. All hallmarks of a true badass. But during a few points in his career, he's showed an inexplicably softer side. A side where he seems to coax Gruff Bruce into the background, and thrust Soft Bruce into the spotlight. Read More »

Do you often become nervous right before taking a really big exam? Have you ever experienced anxiety during an important job interview that could potentially change the course of your entire life? Do feelings of annoyance creep up on you during moments of extremely heavy traffic when you're already late for work? Have you ever felt tired after working out in the gym for three and a half hours? Read More »

You might have heard of the recent and original sci-fi drama Defiance from the internet or SyFy's fastidious marketing campaign or during sex with me because for a while it was all I was able to think about. And after finally getting around to watching the feature length pilot, a few things have struck me. Read More »

What makes a hero? Are they brave because they feel no fear, or is courage derived from feeling the fear but embracing it? The following fictional characters have elements of both I think. Though only a couple could possibly be called "super" in a supernatural sense, they all display a certain selflessness that sets them apart from the crowd. I've focused the spotlight on those British few, who I hope may demonstrate that you don't have to be able to fly, or even herald from this particular landmass, to be a hero. Read More »

In recent times the internet has been swamped with rumors about the new Star Wars films. Every wannabe Jedi or Sith has thrown their blaster into the ring, furiously stating that it's their own personal favorite who deserves the spin-off treatment. Read More »

We live in a world where a whole nation can be united by nothing more than a soothing voiceover from an octogenarian and stock footage of penguins fucking. And yet, there are still people willing to get all angsty about a fictional Italian plumber wearing the skin of a raccon dog. Organizations like PETA need to get off Nintendo's back and focus on the people who are really sending the wrong message about treatment of animals to kids: the creators of our most beloved children's films. Read More »

1. You no longer care if you spill food on yourself.

You're sitting at home watching your favorite TV show, "Incestuous, Hyperventilating, Manic-Depressive, Lesbian Astronauts Who Form Homo-Erotic Love Triangles That Result in Murder," when suddenly you notice that you've spilled part of your favorite snack all over your crotch. Your favorite snack happens to be oatmeal and kimchi, so now it looks like you had an explosive, bloody orgasm all over yourself. Read More »

In life, it's generally accepted that math sucks, at least for everyone who's not a scientist, doctor, or mathematician. There have been numerous times when doing math has broken the will of a young adult, sucking the life out of him or her with every theorem or function involving numbers. Doing math is sort of like watching Beauty and the Beast... Read More »

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Greetings. I am an over-caffeinated, hyperactive, alcoholic, scab-picking, glue-sniffing, tampon-licking, socially-retarded, narcissistic recluse who likes to scream at people from my apartment window while punching myself in the face. I also have a penis on my forehead. But that's not important. This is a story about someone out there who truly needs your help. His name is Todd. Read More »

1. If a female gets nauseous for no apparent reason, she is pregnant. Always.

When a friend, relative, or someone else coughs unexpectedly and tells you it's nothing to worry about, he or she has a fatal condition and will be deader than disco in a matter of days, and in many cases, hours or minutes. Women get better looking as they near death. Everyone with an incurable illness suddenly becomes a dime store philosopher who is resigned to their fate with such noble calmness and serenity, it puts the rest of us to shame for being incapable of suffering in an equally transcendent manner. Read More »

In the collection of villages known as America, there is one saying of sooth that rings clear: "Midgets are people too." But there is another truism that is as American as apple pie and Southern intolerance: America's relationship with the "Top Ten List." Although only one of them is etched in stone, there are many many more to be found within the abundant pages of the Inter Read More »

College: it's a depressing time. You're poor, you're hungry, and you're doing it all for a piece of paper that's pretty much just good for telling people how much you're willing to pay for a piece of paper. Unless you're getting a liberal arts degree. Because, you know, that'll pay itself off. Read More »

WARNING: The following material is immature and poorly constructed. It contains major ideological gaps as well as a considerable lack of thematic unity. It includes needless and excessive references to excrement and genitalia; it reflects a horrible attitude on the part of the writer towards women and towards life in general; it reveals that the writer is embarrassingly unsuccessful at getting laid; and it serves as concrete evidence that the writer needs medication and extensive therapy. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Read More »

Perhaps I was lured here on the promise of fabulousness, effortlessly exhibited by Seabiscuit Carrie Bradshaw. Or maybe it's because I wanted to break free of the picket fences surrounding my small-town New England home. Either way, a year ago from today I found myself carrying boxes up a 4th floor walk-up, soon realizing that I would have to fit everything in my hand into a tiny square room. Read More »

When the news of Disney buying up Star Wars and kick-starting a new trilogy broke, the internet went into a meltdown of rabid nerd opinions. On one hand, there were those who saw the news as offering a brave new hope to their much-maligned franchise, and to help bury some painful memories that Jar Jar Binks and the complete lack of Natalie Portman being nude helped create. Read More »