Funny Guides and Lists

Hilarious how-to's, funny rules, and colorful advice, conveniently presented in numerical, graphical, and easy-to-laugh format. (Rarely in 3D.) Submit an article »

Anthony Greenlaw's picture

Maximize Your Life with the Rapid Immortality Plan!

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Why do I have to die?" Well, let me be the first to tell you that you're not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality. In fact, many of us who are afraid to die don't realize how lucky we are to be living in the times that we do. Read More »

Kerreanna DiMauro's picture

Top 5 Alternatives to the Bridal Bouquet Toss

1. DJ Toss

It takes a special person to be a successful DJ, but forget about that because you need a mediocre DJ willing to be jetpacked clear across the ballroom. Select a young college student with serious majors whose real passion is music and hire him or her! Read More »

Molly Grace's picture

4 "Sociopathic" Behaviors That Actually Mean He's Into You

You've just met a cute guy and you're wondering: Is he a scary man with the potential to one day angry-murder you with a phone book and then charm the jury into giving him a shortened sentence, or is he actually (gasp!) into you?

Sometimes it's hard to tell, but if you look closely, there are a few key differences. Read More »

Jon Plester's picture

My Good-For-Nothin' Uncle Bequeathed Me a Million Dollars, You Jerks!

Everybody, step back! Step back, I say! The rumors you've heard are true!

My good-for-nothin', deadbeat, dog-faced, extremely wealthy uncle left me a whole million dollars in his will—a million smackeroonies just for me! Finally, he did something that benefits someone else for once! And you know what he told me right before he died? He told me to make something of myself. Read More »

Larry Ryals's picture

20 Practical Uses for Donald Trump's Hair

1. Wildlife preserve for thousands of dislocated pine beetles and sand crabs.

2. Aesthetically unattractive yet functional paperweight.

3. Mother of all chia pets. Read More »

Larry Ryals's picture

Hitler Takes a Facebook Quiz

For a dead guy, Hitler is doing a pretty good job of gaining an online following. His YouTube comedy channel has now passed both Shane Dawson and Fred, and he's up for a Clio for his Mercedes commercial. Read More »

Marisa Jane Green's picture

8 Christmas Gift Ideas for the Patriarchy in Your Life

Yoo hoo, ladies! Wondering what to get that special patriarchy in your life that already has everything? The answer is... more of everything! But how can you, a person who is not male, even begin to grasp the concept of "everything" with your busted, inferior female brain? Look no further—HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR THE PATRIARCHY to the rescue! Read More »

Glen Gair's picture

5 Things to Show a Woman on Your First Date

Relax! It's only your first date since [insert ex-girlfriend's name] left you for another (and let's be honest) better-looking and more-educated man/woman/cat. If your jogging bottom collection is anything to go by, you should have no problem getting back into the game. And by game I mean date with a complete stranger who may take an instant disliking towards you and your offline personality. Read More »

Wesley Jansen's picture

How to Survive as a Nice Guy

Underdog cartoon dog

WARNING: This article is not based on research, and is poorly written. It lacks thematic unity, it contains no significant content, and it offers contradictory advice. It reveals that the writer not only has a crippled personality and an alcohol problem, but that he is also extremely bad with women. In addition to this, it contains references to penis-holes, boogers, and fucking. Read More »

Larry Ryals's picture

17 Signs Walmart is Seizing Government Control and Declaring Martial Law

Walmart evil face

1. Eleven posts on Quora to that effect.

2. Walmart security informs me they'll need to perform a retinal scan to ensure I have clearance to complete my avocado and sprout salad purchase, but fails to mention the 7-hour "good Walmart cop, bad Walmart cop" interrogation and cavity search. Read More »

Alex Miller's picture

5 Reasons It's Fun to Be the Bad Guy

Bad guy wearing a gangster hat

Nietzsche suggests that the idea of good "does not emanate from those to whom goodness is shown!" History will show, and has shown, that the "good" have always been those who conquer, screw over, and suppress. Read More »

Kyle Bauer's picture

My Top 10 Childhood Girl Crushes from 90's Kids Shows

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

This list reflects my opinions so don't get pissed if your childhood favorites didn't make the cut. Also, keep in mind that I was never over the age of 6 in the 90's, so my taste in women during this decade was slightly different than it is now. Read More »

Marty Braxton's picture

Ideas for Friends Season 11 Episodes

Joey on Friends Season 11

After what can only be described as the most-watched television event since Kimbo Slice struggling through the "General Knowledge" round on Jeopardy, how could the Friends writers and crew possibly continue the series after their ball-fizzingly perfect finale? Here are some ideas that should appeal to hardcores (Frenonites) and casuals alike. Read More »

Gavin Pitt's picture

Top 5 Sexiest Male Psychopaths

Bloody faced Christian Bale in American Psycho

Hoy-hoy, Halloweeners, and welcome to another installment of the "Trick or Treating Twosome's Halloween Hottie List." Andrei "Eli Roth" Trostel tackles the ladies, and Gavin "soon to be Colton Haynes' husband" Pitts goes for the gentlemen. Read More »

Audley Upton's picture

How to Fold a Fitted Sheet: Instructions for Couples and Singles

How to fold a fitted sheet

Folding a Fitted Sheet: Instructions for Couples

If you are cohabitating with someone or you are married and filed a single tax return as a couple, these are your instructions for folding a fitted sheet. Read More »

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