Funny Guides and Lists

Hilarious how-to's, funny rules, and colorful advice, conveniently presented in numerical, graphical, and easy-to-laugh format. (Rarely in 3D.) Submit an article »

William Franklin's picture

An Ode to Being Fat

Fat and happy man holding a hamburger up to his eye

Everyone has their preferred charity or cause they like to support, and mine is being 33.3% beer and batter by volume. Since eating and drinking are subjects very close to my cholesterol-choked heart, when I'm not busy planning a suicide Jackie Chan would be proud of, neglecting my family and friends, and being generally awful, I like to meet my weekly exercise quota by waving goodbye to the Domino's delivery guy. Read More »

Isaiah Churchwater's picture

How to Write a Comedy Article on the Internet

Blue blumpkin sign - giving blowjob while guy takes a shit

There is an easy way to write comedy on the internet. Most of it involves putting witty captions on random pictures that have little to do with what you're actually writing about. And everyone loves a good list. Read More »

Charles Hartley's picture

Your Five Empowering Halloween Imperatives

Punching a pumpkin in the face

1. Smash a pumpkin.

Get this out of the way first because it's messy. Buy a pumpkin about the size of a keg of beer. Bring it home. Go to your back patio. Throw it down hard. Watch it smash. Enjoy the thrill. Feel your strength. Study the seeds and slimy guts. Wonder if each of those seeds would have created another pumpkin had you not smashed it. Read More »

Larry Ryals's picture

7 Reasons Every College Student Should Start Their Own Metal Band

Heavy metal band guy with long hair

If you're like me, you realize that college life, fun though it may be, does have its drawbacks. One of the greatest challenges for me was finding productive and enjoyable ways to spend the copious amounts of leisure time in between classes, labs, part-time work, partying, party aftermath-related complete relocation of stomach contents to bathroom floor while praying for sweet release of death, clubs, sports, and campus activities. Read More »

Jerry Landry's picture

How to Have Sex with Dolphins

Man licks a dolphin's nose

For years the modern man has been fascinated by the dolphin's purported ability to have sex for pleasure. And although this hypothesis is hotly debated, I contest that we have not been asking the right question. Like the typical millennials most of us are, we've been selfishly thinking only of ourselves. Read More »

Drake Ramora's picture

5 Reasons Why a Dictator's Life is Better Than Yours

Momar Qaddafi smiling with sunglasses on

Dictators rarely get good press. They're usually dismissed as madmen and delusional fools. This is probably a little unfair when you look at the facts. Sure you have to be a little ruthless and commit some inhumane acts to maintain the culture of fear and desperation that keeps you in power, but the positives outweigh the negatives, and it really is a mostly pleasant and charmed life. Read More »

Edward F. Kennedy's picture

5 Reality TV Shows Repurposed for Maximum Drama

Sexy woman from Project Runway reality TV show

1. Top Homeless Chef

TV's top cooking competition heads to the homeless culinary capital of Albany, NY for Season 12. "Top Homeless Chef" has been building to this moment, as the cheftestants must demonstrate their creativity and prowess in making Albany-inspired dishes, such as pigeon tartare and a rat and vegetable combination that goes well with Gordon's Vodka. Read More »

Matthew Chard's picture

Batman and Robin Discuss the 10 Highest-Grossing Films of the 90's

Batman and Robin in the 1990's

The 1990's was a defining decade for movies. Special effects came on in leaps and bounds, Disney was in its golden age, and asshole Hollywood producers were yet to try and release every single film in 3D. From this fertile field sprouted some of the highest-grossing films of all time. And now the day has come to look back at some of these blockbusters and see what all the fuss was about. Read More »

Larry Ryals's picture

The 7 Absolute Worst Spinoff TV Shows This Fall

Sarah Palin holding a rifle in a bikini

Some of your professors may claim they don't watch TV except for The History Channel and PBS. To them I say "pssshhh!" My TV has been on continuously since 1993 and, if there are reruns on the major networks, it's tuned to Comedy Central or Adult Swim. So a new TV season makes this my favorite time of year. Read More »

Dominic Coats's picture

Four Tips for Hosting Rosemary's Baby Shower

Rosemary's baby devil eerie face

Dear Mr. Coats,

My best friend of almost 20 years, Rosemary, recently became pregnant with her first child. I am absolutely thrilled for her and her husband, and was honored when she asked me to host her baby shower. I accepted without any hesitation, but now I am having some reservations. Read More »

Jerry Landry's picture

18 Reasons to Believe Peyton Manning is Actually a Cyborg

Peyton Manning holding a flip cell phone

Ever since his second neck surgery—and his prolific numbers following—I've always been suspicious that Peyton Manning had become a government experiment in robotics. Read More »

Wesley Jansen's picture

8 Steps to Overcoming Your Anxiety, Hopefully

Girl biting her hand

Have you ever had a nightmare before? Do you often feel nervous before taking a really big exam in school that will determine your professional future? If you were in an old, dark house completely by yourself and you saw a large, vaporous entity progressing toward you at incredibly fast speed, would you become a bit frightened? Read More »

Eric Koeppel's picture

10 Simple Death Hacks You Need to Know

Grim reaper giving the thumbs up

1. ​Keep a Nintendo DS in your burial outfit.

I've never been stuck in a human-sized box six feet under ground for all eternity before, but I'm assuming it gets super boring after a while, so playing Duke Nukem on a fully charged battery should kill about six of those lonely hours. Read More »

Jodie Leidecker's picture

How to Be a Successful Writer in 5 Difficult Steps

1. Live in two cities.

Although it can seem daunting to have to pay for two houses, it is crucial that on the back flap of your book, it says that you live in New York City and ___________ (choose a second, usually more rural location). Do not underestimate the importance of having two homes to being a writer, despite seeming to have nothing to do with telling a story. Do not ask why—go and do. Read More »

T. E. Samad's picture

6 Bizarre Things You Can Deep-Fry, But Probably Shouldn't

Unless you're a member of the Church of Deep Fried Goodness, or from Scotland, it won't be much of a shock to find out that the listed items below can actually be subjected to the sizzles and fizzles of the fryer. Just to be clear, these listed items aren't bizarre in and of themselves, but it's fair to assume that adding them to the list of deep-fried foods is far from... normal. Read More »

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