I’m an Uber Customer Service Associate and I’ve Been on the Phone with Clint Eastwood for 3 Years
I saw my own reflection on the screen of my computer and I was reminded of the oath I took when I accepted this job at Uber.
Tag: Revenge
The Top Ten “The Only Black Dude” Black Dudes in Movies
Celebrating the memory of those black guys who went it alone, fighting against oppression, while also fighting werewolf cops or whatever.
Everyone Ignored the Warning in My Lyrics, Now “Cotton Eye Joe” is Killing Again
Cotton Eye Joe killed my fiancé, and I tried to warn you about him by weaving the truth of his existence into the lyrics of a popular dance song.
I Know Aliens are Real Because My Stepdad is One and I Hate Him
While I can't speak for aliens as a whole, Craxtavore, Conqueror of Worlds, is a total dick. I can't believe Mom doesn't see through his façade.
How to Ruin Someone’s Life Secretly or Publicly
Here are covert and public tactics to destroy someone that are much more effective and entertaining to inflict on your victim than physical harm.
How I Finally Pooped on the Bird That Pooped on Me
I'm a man who took more than half a month tracking down a bird with nothing but the shirt on his back and an $800 bird costume. A proud man.
Leaked Notes From Two Friday the 13th Producers Discussing a Sequel
Two producers of 1980's Friday the 13th brainstorm the future of their horror franchise, though the path forward isn't as obvious as you'd think.
9 Fun and Local-Approved Things To Do in Seattle When You’re in Town for Your Uncle’s Funeral
Yes, your uncle is dead. But Seattle is an amazing city and you WILL NOT let a perfectly good couple of days away from the office and kids be ruined by a lousy funeral.
Women, Here’s What Your Dating Profile Should Really Look Like
More friendly advice for those women thinking about online dating...because my advice for men the first time around wasn't enough.
Don’t Underestimate Me, I’m an Absolute Madman
"I CAN'T DO THIS! I'M NOT A HERO!" I screamed, but then I turned around and looked into the eyes of a nation of adorable, hairless little Pygmies who believed in me.
Beginner’s Guide to Dancing on an Enemy’s Grave
It's really not fair to disturb the family of your enemy during their grieving process. Be patient and give it a week post-burial before you dance up a storm on the fresh mound.
How to Publicly Ruin Someone’s Life
Guaranteed ways to publicly destroy the reputation of enemies ranging from your former employer or romantic partner, to a professional rival or your spouse's psycho ex.