A Voicemail Greeting from a Person Who Hates Voicemails
It takes less than five seconds to read the average text message, while it takes more than 13 hours to listen to the average voicemail.
It takes less than five seconds to read the average text message, while it takes more than 13 hours to listen to the average voicemail.
7. Michael Cohen calls his tailors with this phone. When ordering suits he tends to use the phrase “make someone notice me, please.”
Multicolored flames shoot from the crumbling gold tower, as he drips glazz on his eyeball and lights it on fire (this is how you do glazz).
Some can't sleep well if their partner can’t decide whether to be the big spoon, or the little spoon, or maybe to just not touch you at all.
Don't cry in a work bathroom---a co-worker or boss might see your shoes, hear you crying, and think you poop too hard.
The swivel chair’s flying across the room, its arc through the air a simple yet astute critique of warming global temperatures.
I saw my own reflection on the screen of my computer and I was reminded of the oath I took when I accepted this job at Uber.
Can I please just host this disco sex party in peace, without the dread of a Grindr message like, "Is there a face to go with your torso?"
Stop getting high on click. Here's how to bite the bullet and close every open tab littering your devices during CloseTabuary.
"Pam I think Mark is at this party??" I typed as I moved in on his doppelganger. "Does he still wear the shirt I bought him 4 christmas?????"
Sure, everyone knows Dracula is technically a mass murdering undead monster, but still, you don't want to be a jerk when blowing him off.
Throwaways like "Things are cray!" and "It's such a busy time of year!" don't mean anything if you don't have the unavailability to back it up.