I Believe in the Rehabilitation of the Child I’m Asking You to Sentence to Life Without Parole
I’m not asking you to think about “scientific evidence” or “UN sanctions.” I’m asking you to incarcerate this child with your heart, like an American.
I’m not asking you to think about “scientific evidence” or “UN sanctions.” I’m asking you to incarcerate this child with your heart, like an American.
There's no catch, except that I'm going to be making sure you check each and every one of those little "D" boxes on your ballot, you hetero freaks.
Don't dwell on your decision to crush that hitchhiker’s skull after listening to your partner suck lettuce from their molar for the last seven exits.
These mysterious eviction notices may be related to ectoplasm, as both are occasionally left behind following a paranormal experience.
Why strip away the rights of people like me, a man in perfect mental health who wants to shove a razor blade into a Pecan Chunky purely for kicks?
If he’s willing to stand behind his declaration of love for your “sweet ass,” then odds are that he’ll also be into a committed relationship.
Who the heck owns a letter opener anymore? I’ll tell you who: people like me, looking for socially acceptable ways to always have a knife nearby.
October 28: Buy easy access costume for Halloween rape --- maybe just go as a giant penis and forgo pretense?
And yes, before you ask, this is the best I could come up with---I mean, what was supposed to do? Not break into your house and steal a bunch of shit?
One look at a picture of pink circle meat and I can taste the salty sweetness melting into my mouth before I can even say “side ham, if you please.”
Sarah: "I walked into my greenhouse and found a large tank parked on the roof. No light could get in and all my plants died. I lost my business."
Do not launder money through your birdhouse. It is a crime punishable by penalty of not getting to have a birdhouse anymore.