Let's face it: ocean water tastes like shit. But what if it didn't? What if we could figure out a way to make it a refreshing cocktail? That's right, we must fight the rising sea levels by drinking them.
If I was trying to decide between a human or a chimpanzee as a bodyguard, I'd choose the chimp every time. Would YOU try and punch a 200-pound chimp? Hell no. You're gonna cover your face and try your best not to soil yourself.
All my years of watching porn and Animal Planet finally paid off as I combined these ideas into one magical symphony of sex. And I bet you want details about how I pulled this shit off 'cause like me, you are a bunch of sick fucks.
Like all good parties, it's best to be sleeping in your own bed when they come to an end, even if it means borrowing your little brother's car and drunk dialing everyone you know on the wild ride home.
Don't look now, but the next time you see a rainbow, it may have gone Green. Riding record profits and a revamped public image, Green has announced a takeover bid.
Dear Boss, I have a confession to make. I probably should have told you a long time ago before things got out of hand: I've been taking steroids every day on the job since Day 1 (and before the job during our interviews).
I did it bitches. Set your iPods to "repeat" because I just meloded all over you with my first and last sweet techno beat, and am now announcing my retirement from the industry, effective immediately.