Archive: 2005

Atlanta Trip Snippets

<a href="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/atlanta-779115.jpg"><img style="float:right;cursor:hand;margin:0 0 10px 10px;" alt="" src="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/atlanta-777390.jpg" border="0" /></a>Me: Good night, Amanda. It was a pleasure meeting you.<br />Amanda: I love you to death.<br />Me: I know she’s drunk, but that was nice.<br /><br />Court: You see, it may be a living room, but I like to think of it as a chat room.<br />Me: Dude, with the puns…<br />Court: What, you don’t like puns?<br />Me: No one likes puns.<br />Mikey: I like them. They’re punny.<br />Me: Jesus…<br /><br />Court: So if Amanda and I break up, what should I do with the present I bought her?<br />Me: You could have a PIC contest: “Submit your best breakup quotes and win my ex-girlfriend’s Christmas gift.”<br />Court: That’s an idea.<br /><br />Me: We were in a restaurant with over twenty pre-teen cheerleaders in uniform and we didn’t make one R. Kelly joke.<br />Court: We’re slipping.<br /><br />Mikey: I don’t have any money. It sucks.<br />Me: You’re not supposed to have money. You’re a student. If you had money, well I’d probably hate you a little.<br /><br />Me: I can’t believe they kicked me out of that bar.<br />Court: I can, actually.<br /><br />Nene: So, you hanging out here all day?<br />Me: Until my editor wakes up.<br />Nene: Well, it’s one thirty in the afternoon.<br />Me: Yeah, I still got some time.<br /><br />Me: So how many hours do you work in a week? Like ten?<br />Court: Dude, I’m telling you, I work.<br />Me: Yeah, whatever.<br /><br />Court: You put ice in your milk?<br />Me: Yeah.<br />Court: You put ice in your milk?<br />Me: Yeah, I’m Dutch. We like our dairy cold.<br />Court: Okay.<br /><br />Me: I made it here in six hours. I’m very proud of that.<br />Jaime: Yeah, well I could care less.<br />Me: It's good to be home.

Last Minute Gift Ideas for Couples

<p><a href="https://www.pointsincase.com/chad/uploaded_images/gift-720873.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://www.pointsincase.com/chad/uploaded_images/gift-719283.jpg" border="0" /></a>Before I get started I would like to enlighten y'all by telling you a few things I learned during my recent trip to Atlanta.<br />

Georgia on My Mind

To all the readers I've disappointed, I offer condolences on my blogging infrequency. However written words, as flowery as they may be, make little difference without action to support them. Thus I shall humble myself to the service of guiding you through the rough territory of the inside scoop, the flavor of which will be PICstaffmembers 'n cream.

Picking them Games Early this Time

<a href="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/johnson3000-748286.jpg"><img style="float:right;cursor:hand;margin:0 0 10px 10px;" alt="" src="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/johnson3000-745089.jpg" border="0" /></a>Okay, so here’s the plan. At 7 PM, I’m getting a haircut. Tomorrow, I’m leaving work early, getting my car’s oil changed and heading up highway 75 into the great State of Georgia, where I will be spending a few days at the Points in Case Fifth Anniversary Celebration (celebrating five years of editor Court Sullivan’s not having to put on pants unless he damn well feels like it). Now, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “The internet is weird.” And one of the weirdest things about the internet (for me, anyway) is that I’ve been writing a column for PIC for almost six months and (with the exception of former columnist, Mike Forest, who quit writing for PIC to pursue whatever the hell he pursues), I have not met one person affiliated with the site.<br /><br />So this should be interesting.<br /><br />Hopefully, I’ll get to meet all of the columnists and bloggers on the site. (I’ve heard that a couple of them may not make it on account of really good excuses that they never shared with anyone. And by “anyone,” I mean “me.”) And hopefully, we’ll all have a good time.<br /><br />But I won’t be writing for a while. I know, don’t cry. We’ll get through this.<br /><br />So, because I like to at least try and keep my promises, I am posting my NFL picks up right now. I reserve the right to change any of these as late as Friday night should an injury or position change come to light. I’m pretty sure Court Sullivan has a computer (hmmm… smells like an understatement for sarcasm’s sake. Someone open a window).<br /><br />Onto the picks.<br /><br /><strong>PATRIOTS (-4½) over Buccaneers</strong><br />The high in Foxboro will be just under forty degrees. Historically, the Bucs do really poorly in cold weather. I can understand. When it gets below forty here (and it does happen every now and again, thank you very much), I cry like a little girl whose older brother just smeared ink all over her favorite dress. It ain’t pretty, that’s for sure.<br /><br /><strong>GIANTS (+3) over Chiefs</strong><br />There’s nothing funny about this game so I’m gonna tell you the sentence I long to hear uttered at the PIC Party. “God, Simonne and Ali sure like to kiss each other.” The remote possibility of such an event almost caused me to run out and by a camera.<br /><br /><strong>Broncos (-7½) BILLS</strong><br />The Broncos haven’t covered for me once this year. I’m starting to think they don’t like me. Also, you can tell it’s the end of the NFL season by the way that you start thinking about teams like the Bills. At the beginning of the season, I could name almost all of their players and coaches. Now, because they suck so bad again, all I can remember is that their coach is named Mike and JP Losman sucks.<br /><br /><strong>VIKINGS (+3) over Steelers</strong><br />I dare anyone to bet on the Steelers. You will fail. And, in addition to losing money, should you bet on The Steelers, you will learn two things: Brad Johnson is a very reliable quarterback (there is no truth to the rumor that I’m changing the title of this blog from <em>The Nate Way</em> to <em>Licking Brad Johnson’s Balls</em>, by the way) and the Vikings can be exceptionally dangerous at home in the dome on carpet against teams that thrive in the elements, like the Steelers. Go ahead, if you want. Go join the rest of the world in betting on the Steelers. But don’t blame me. I voted for Brad Johnson.<br /><br /><strong>Chargers (+7½) COLTS</strong><br />Here’s something to think about. Because of their actions since the perfect season, no one likes the ’72 Dolphins. Because of their lack of personality, nobody likes Tony Dungy or Peyton Manning, either (seriously, how boring would dinner with Peyton and Tony be? You can tell they’re board game fans. Some people, well, you can just tell). Perfection is not very likeable. Wow, I almost got deep for a second. Excuse me.<br /><br /><strong>JAGUARS (-15½) over 49ers</strong><br />I wouldn’t watch this game if I had a relative playing in it.<br /><br /><strong>Seahawks (-7) over TITANS<br /></strong>I know the Seahawks have clinched it and all, but well… Either this spread is Vegas’s attempt to hand out free money or few starters are playing the whole game for Seattle. Don’t bet money on this one. I mean, who the hell knows? If Seattle hadn’t clinched it already, that spread would be around 14. Strange.<br /><br /><strong>Cardinals (-1½) over TEXANS</strong><br />I wouldn’t watch this game if I was playing in it.<br /><br /><strong>DOLPHINS (-9) over Jets</strong><br />Why even broadcast this? Why waste everyone’s time? With this one, they should just play the game with no television timeouts. Also, they should reduce the price of beer, tickets, parking and hookers to justify selling out this crap fest.<br /><br /><strong>Panthers (-9) over SAINTS</strong><br />I don’t even know what city this game is being played in and I know it’s a lock. Also, I think you may hear this exact sentence from the voiceover guy before this game: “After last week’s loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the Carolina Panthers are out for blood and first place in the NFC South.” (And while we’re here, I want to thank Bill Maas, announcer of last week’s Panthers/Bucs game for doing the most god awful job of announcing I have ever had the misfortune to hear. He got every name wrong, refused to acknowledge that he had a partner in the booth—it was almost like watching two separate broadcasts at once—and removed vital organs from the English language all while kissing the collective silver and turquoise ass of the Panthers. On behalf of Buc fans everywhere, Fuck You, Maas.)<br /><br /><strong>Cowboys (+3) over REDSKINS<br /></strong>Remember when you were a little kid, and these teams played each other almost every Thanksgiving? Well, some parental advocates group decided that it was not politically correct to have Cowboys and Indians beating the crap out of each other on Thanksgiving. So now we don’t get that treat anymore. So, here’s my question. Am I the only one that got really pissed off about that?<br /><br /><strong>Bengals (-8) over LIONS<br /></strong>For games like this, I wish they tested the blood alcohol level of all the players beforehand. That way, we could hear announcers say stuff like “Oh, and what a miraculous throw by Jeff Garcia who blew a point one two before the game. Can this guy play drunk or what?”<br /><br /><strong>Browns (+3) over RAIDERS<br /></strong>Working for me this year: two immigrant laborers and picking against the Raiders.<br /><br /><strong>Eagles (-3½) over RAMS</strong><br />Also working for me this year: a lighter hair gel and picking against the Rams.<br /><br /><strong>RAVENS (-3½) over Packers</strong><br />I wonder what Brett Favre will do after he retires. I’d really like to see him open a bar in Milwaukee that serves nothing but whiskey, American beer in bottles and rare meat. I think that’s the kind of thing he could do well. I could also see him running for senator or something and then getting caught in some kind of well-filmed sex scandal. I have a screwed up imagination. What can I say?<br /><br />I’m going to get a haircut now.

The Humanity

<a href="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/tookieee-796151.jpg"><img style="float:right;cursor:hand;margin:0 0 10px 10px;" alt="" src="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/tookieee-793537.jpg" border="0" /></a>Well, Tookie is dead, and there ain’t a damn thing that Snoop Dogg can do about it. I’d like to tell you that I really give a damn, but I never knew Tookie. I’m sure he’s a great guy and all, but like I said, me and Tookie, we weren’t tight. I am impressed with how the local media has turned this into a death penalty issue, though. I even learned some things. For example, did you know that the death penalty is illegal in every country in the European Union? Of course, I think guns are also illegal over there. Fucking Europe. Think they’re so civilized just ‘cause they don’t let 18 year olds shoot each other. Pansies.<br /><br />I once read a book called <em>Death Row: An Affirmation of Life</em> by Steven Levine. It’s a great book and I highly recommend it. In that book, there’s a second person account of what it’s like to be led to the gas chamber. I don’t care who you are. That part will scare you. I also have an account of the last words of every inmate in the history of Texas execution since 1971 (and yes, I realize I have a morbid fascination with execution). I find it interesting that Tookie’s last words were most likely, “Are you sure you’re doing that right?” And by the way, did you know that in recorded Texas history, the most popular last word said is Warden, as in, “I’m ready Warden”? The second most common last word is Amen, as in <em>I just prayed to go to heaven and I’m sweating my sins.</em> And yes, I know I’m babbling, but I have a point. Here it is: it’s kind of sick that we kill people for their crimes in this country.<br /><br />But hell, what are you gonna do?<br /><br />I mean really. In the end it’s not my decision. I don’t fight for causes mainly because I don’t care, but also because I believe that in the end, my causes will find me and not the other way around. So far, no one has started a campaign against the local pub, so I’m sitting pretty. Sorry, Tookie.<br /><br />Arnold Schwarzenegger is apparently getting a shitload of negative press from Europe for participating in this barbaric act. I don’t get it. Did the people of Europe miss every one of his movies? I mean seriously, he’s Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger. (Side note: How cool is it for Tookie to be actually killed by Arnold Schwarzenegger? I mean, think of all the people who’ve been killed by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movies. I’ll bet Tookie flew to heaven as a star, a big bright shining Schwarzenegger-shot star).<br /><br />The thing I like I about Tookie: he refused to admit his guilt. Not for nothing. I think that’s pretty cool. Guilty or not, I’da said anything if it meant I got to live. Not Tookie. No way. After almost twenty years of living in a cell, he died swearing his innocence all the way. Kinda like Pete Rose before the book. Except that Pete’s alive. Yeah, I’m an idiot.<br /><br />And I guess, all in all, that’s the real point. I’m stupid, and you just read everything I gleaned from the death of Tookie, whose real name I forget because I don’t really care.<br /><br />But I am fascinated by the whole thing.

Mini-Cooper Snippets

<a href="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/mincooper-797399.jpg"><img style="float:right;cursor:hand;margin:0 0 10px 10px;" alt="" src="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/mincooper-792506.jpg" border="0" /></a>Me: People from up north spend half their vacation watching weather reports from home.

Finally Picking them Games

<a href="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/simms-789772.jpg"><img style="float:right;cursor:hand;margin:0 0 10px 10px;" alt="" src="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/simms-786986.jpg" border="0" /></a>Last week, for the first time ever in my life, I had a winning record picking the games against the spreads. I was 11 and 5. I lost two heartbreakers and got browbeat by the Eagles’ game. The lesson here, as is often the case, even a blind man can land a hot girl on occasion.<br /><br />On a personal note, next week is my favorite non-playoff football Sunday because it’s the only football Sunday during finals week at the local university. The students who show up for the games are always fun to watch. Some of them don’t drink because they plan on studying that night. Some of them drink anyway. Some of them don’t have a final on Monday and mention it to everyone in the bar so that every student in the place wants to just kill them. Some of them actually study in the bar (this is my personal favorite. I mean, what the hell are you thinking? You’ve got loud noise, rowdy people and beer. Seriously, what could you possibly be learning? Man, I sound old.) And some of them just blow the test off completely because their teams are finally good and they feel like celebrating (I see bad grades ahead for those hailing from Chicago and Cincinnati, by the way). Oh, and I almost left out the students who aren’t really at the bar, but we all feel like they are because they call every ten minutes for updates. On second thought, maybe I should have forgotten those guys…<br /><br />Anyway, onto the picks.<br /><br /><strong>Bucs (+5.5) over PANTHERS<br /></strong>Okay, I’m a Buc’s fan, so I’m biased. But I can feel a Panther implosion here. Something about Jake Delhomme throwing into the Buccaneer secondary… It just smells right, like a thick steak over open flame. To quote the random guy who sat next to me at the Smoky Pool Hall last week: “Hell, we don’t even need an offense if they’re gonna keep throwing the ball.”<br /><br />(And by the way, is there a Buc’s fan out there that wouldn’t trade Griese, Simms and Luke McNown for Brad Johnson, straight up? Didn’t think so.)<br /><br /><strong>Patriots (-4) over BILLS</strong><br />In Tom Brady’s next commercial, he uses his Visa to buy Charlie Weiss a fruit basket and a day at the spa. Look for it.<br /><br /><strong>VIKINGS (-7) over Rams</strong><br />My faith in Brad Johnson knows no bounds. Also, if you’re the Rams, well, how the hell do you get amped to play this game? If it wasn’t for the Lions and Saints, the Rams would be the most poorly operated franchise in football right now. On the plus side, well, their quarterback went to Harvard. I mean, that’s a great story. Just awesome.<br /><br /><strong>Bears (-6.5) over STEELERS<br /></strong>So I says to my friend, Tom, “You know the Bears are favored in Pittsburgh.”<br /><br />And he says to me, “Get outta here. You gotta be crappin’ me with that garbage.”<br /><br />So I says, “Sure shootin’. By almost a touchdown.”<br /><br />And he says, “How times have changed.”<br /><br /><strong>Raiders (-3) over JETS</strong><br />Cripple fight!!!<br /><br /><strong>JAGUARS (+8.5) over Colts</strong><br />I know the Jags are missing their quarterback. I know the Colts are the best team in football. I know that this is a stupid pick. So, why am I doing it? Because Peyton Manning is a choke artist, and no matter how hard you try, you can never completely lose your artistic passion.<br /><br />Or something like that.<br /><br /><strong>Texans (+6.5) over TITANS</strong><br />The Texans will be up by three points with a few minutes to play, and then will do everything within their collective power to get the ball into the hands of the Titans. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush will be wondering how he’d look in a Stetson and three piece while smoking cigars with George W. Bush.<br /><br /><strong>BENGALS (-12.5) over Browns</strong><br />Go on and double this spread. Cincy is so happy to have the edge over their cross state rival that talks are already in the works to launch <em>WKRP in Cincinnati: the Next Generation</em> (translation: Cincinnati is back on the map). The Bengals will not let up during this game for any reason. Oh yeah, time for a head count. How many Bengals fans will be smiling from ear to ear this Sunday? I’m putting the over/under at a quarter million.<br /><br /><strong>Redskins (-4) over CARDINALS</strong><br />Joe Gibbs is a self-made millionaire who won a Super Bowl with Doug Williams. I think he can figure out the ‘Zona offense. Call me crazy.<br /><br /><strong>EAGLES (+9) over Giants</strong><br />This spread opened at 3. It is now 9. For those of you who may or may not know (doesn’t matter), that’s a huge change. Spreads change because people lay heavy action on one team. And in this case, I just can’t believe that the general populace knows more than Vegas. I mean, a six point change? That’s insane.<br /><br />(Side note: I took an informal pole Tuesday and learned that seventy percent of the people in The Local Pub would rather party with Eli Manning than his older brother, Peyton. And yes, I bother people.)<br /><br /><strong>SEAHAWKS (-16) over 49ers<br /></strong>I wonder what Shaun Alexander will do with this bye week. Hell, he’ll probably just run for 130 yards and three touchdowns. Meanwhile, I’ll have to finish a whole plate of fajitas. Alexander, I envy you.<br /><br /><strong>CHARGERS (-13.5) over Dolphins<br /></strong>Didn’t we have this game last week? Oh, no. That was the Chargers/Raiders. My bad. As I mentioned last week, when games like this came on when I was a kid, my father would begin looking for chores around the house, causing conversations like this.<br /><br />Dad: Does that fridge sound funny to you?<br />Me: No. It’s fine.<br />Dad: You’re nine years old. What the hell do you know? Grab my drill.<br />Me: I’m watching football.<br />Dad: What football? It’s a twenty point game. Get me my damn drill.<br /><br /><strong>BRONCOS (-14.5) over Ravens</strong><br />I was disappointed in the Broncos last week. Hopefully, so were the Broncos.<br /><br />(Side note: after last week’s game, every Bronco’s fan I know wore looks of disbelief. I didn’t watch that one very closely, but I saw the highlights and thought, “wow, that had to suck.” My friend Mike roots for Denver and he summed up that game thusly: “That. Was. Not. Right.”)<br /><br /><strong>COWBOYS (-3) over Chiefs</strong><br />This was my toughest pick. A washed up Drew Bledsoe versus a washed up Trent Green? Parcells versus Vermeil? In the end, I actually flipped a coin. You know what that means, right? Don’t even think about betting this one.<br /><br /><strong>Lions (+6) over PACKERS</strong><br />Brett Favre, you are dead to me. If anyone would like to order their “Free Aaron Rodgers” T-shirts, just email me at <a href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]</a> with your size and color preference.<br /><br /><strong>FALCONS (-10.5) over Saints</strong><br />The Falcons need this one so bad, I wouldn’t be surprised if the referees find razor blades sticking out of Duckett’s shoulder pads.

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