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School:
University of ChicagoClass of:
2005Hometown:
Menlo Park, CaAt a Glance:
Omar Kitrich was born in Malta in 1982. He comments on political and current affairs.Bio:
Since he was a child, Mr. Kitrich has delighted in jokes, and has tussled with the question of what it is that makes all funny things funny. The human expression of laughter is as odd as the cat's purr, a noise it makes when contented, or in shock from trauma. We laugh not only at the man we are glad isn't us; we are amused by the exhibition of badly flawed logic; certain words, and even noises are funny, too. How then to propose a definition that covers all this territory? Many have tried, but they have identified only vague aspect of the concept. (When asked about the definition of 'humor', Lenny Bruce once unzipped his fly, and began urinating on the audience). Mr. Kitrich wishes to thank Mr. Sullivan, and the others who are responsible for the running of the site, for providing a forum where very many funny people are gathered. He figures it will help him in his Socratic quest.- Blog Posts
- Articles
- Comments
Cancel My Subscription to "BoatWorks," Now That I am Tired of Looking Like an Asshole
Posted July 28th, 2008 by Omar KitrichI have enjoyed reading your glossy, ad-filled magazine for the past 17 months. However, it is time for me to make some changes. I will not be wearing boat shoes, designer shirts or a hundred-dollar haircut. Also, I will no longer be reading BoatWorks. It is a fine publication, and I enjoyed the pointers, and the very good photographs. Read More »
I Just Read Some R.L. Stine, and I Can't Be Alone Tonight
Posted July 22nd, 2008 by Omar KitrichListen, Donna, I know we broke up, but I just read some R.L. Read More »
International House Invites You to 'Da Bomb'
Posted June 28th, 2008 by Omar KitrichInternational House would like to invite you to the biggest party of the year, 'Da Bomb'. With six DJs, and over 600 speakers, this is an event that will not let you down. Read More »
Tonight, I Will Sex You
Posted June 27th, 2008 by Omar KitrichBeth, tonight is the night when I will finally sex you. I know you've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I could tell, from the way you looked at me, that you wanted me to sex you. Read More »
I'm On this Quest for Truth, or Some Shit
Posted June 26th, 2008 by Omar KitrichI'm on this fruity quest for the ultimate reality, or some shit like that. That's what the philosophy 101 instructor was flapping his gums about for an hour this afternoon. But I can't remember exactly, since I had just blazed one. Read More »
How Much You Bench?
Posted June 26th, 2008 by Omar KitrichHow much you bench? It's a simple question. And I don't mean to be antagonistic. It is a natural question for one guy to ask another. So, how much you bench? Read More »
Help Me, Rhonda
Posted June 26th, 2008 by Omar KitrichRhonda, you have got to help me. My girlfriend left me with a broken heart, half a bottle of Beam, and a pedal-steel guitar. That's why I have placed this booty call, Rhonda. Rhonda, you have to help me get her out of my heart. We could take a long walk on the beach. Or, we could see an art-house flick at the retro theater. But at some point in the evening, the time will come for you Read More »
Tell the Teacher We're Surfing
Posted June 25th, 2008 by Omar KitrichMike, it's Brad. Listen dude, remember how we've been surfing the islands since June? Well, we're totally broke, and we're really bummed. So, that's why you've got to tell the teacher we're surfing. Read More »
Many Aquatic Animals Will Perform for Your Pleasure
Posted June 25th, 2008 by Omar KitrichWhen you visit our aquarium, you will enter through a revolving door. Inside, you will be impressed by the site of many aquatic creatures which have been practicing their routines for months, specifically in order to impress you. Read More »
I Would Have Killed Myself Already, Except I'm Too Good-Looking
Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Omar KitrichConsidering how boring it is to go to the clubs at night, do a bunch of coke, and go home with a beautiful woman who insists on performing fellatio repeatedly, I would like to take my own life. But there's just one problem: I'm way too handsome. Read More »
What I'm Looking Forward to About Becoming a Total Degenerate
Posted July 5th, 2008 by Omar Kitrich
I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to most about becoming a complete degenerate: exposing my children to my heinous lifestyle.
By the time I even have kids, I'll be sucking down so many of those fentanyl lozenges that it'll look like I'm addicted to otter pops.
"Daddy, why aren't you wearing lipstick today?" Read More »
He Was Looking Smooth with the Jewelry
Posted June 20th, 2008 by Omar Kitrich
District Attorney: The State calls Rayshawn Goldfarb.
Goldfarb: It's an honor to be sitting here, next to the judge.
DA: You are here to answer some questions about what you saw on the night of June 12. Do you recall what you were doing that evening? Read More »
You Have a Grass Pipe, Dude, Man?
Posted June 17th, 2008 by Omar Kitrich
Hello my friend. My name is Alp, and my friend is Os. We come from Turkey. We have one question for you my friend. We would like to ask in private. You have a grass pipe, dude, man? Read More »
Green Dragon Pride
Posted June 13th, 2008 by Omar Kitrich
To the members of AYSO team "Green Dragons,"
It has come to my attention that a number of you have had your penis and testicles touched by assistant coach Nick. First of all, let me say sorry to all those whom Nick touched on the penis or testicles. Read More »
- DeGraaf, you are the older - July 31st, 2008
- Gillespie, keep the hand - July 31st, 2008
- Thanks for that. And I - July 28th, 2008
- Well done, Nelson, my good - July 26th, 2008
- Know what my friend did with - July 26th, 2008
- King is a fine writer, but - July 24th, 2008
- I circulated this to some - July 8th, 2008
- the bitterness is so - July 3rd, 2008
- pyramid scheme joke is - July 3rd, 2008
- Killer... - July 2nd, 2008
- Perhaps you could analyze - July 1st, 2008
- Comedic gold. Whether it is - July 1st, 2008
- Part of it is the picture, - June 30th, 2008
- Casey - I guess your're - June 30th, 2008
- The problem with debating - June 30th, 2008
- A little too strange, was - June 30th, 2008
- Did you know that the author - June 29th, 2008
- The U.S. should not be on - June 29th, 2008
- Conceptually sound, with the - June 29th, 2008
- The International House at - June 29th, 2008
- About the fighting...it is - June 28th, 2008
- there is no way to delete - June 28th, 2008
- I'm glad you liked this one - June 28th, 2008
- Agreed. - June 28th, 2008
- To those of you who read - June 28th, 2008
- It's uncanny; your picture, - June 28th, 2008
- I get you, man. I want to - June 28th, 2008
- I just meant I felt your - June 27th, 2008
- Thanks, Keep hanging in - June 27th, 2008
- Anon, you called me out - June 27th, 2008
- The Wermacht (Army of Nazi - June 27th, 2008
- Nate, thanks for the - June 27th, 2008
- So have I. Not that I - June 27th, 2008
- You're killin em on the drug - June 26th, 2008
- "So I said 'fuck it' and - June 26th, 2008
- Yeah...? - June 26th, 2008
- DeGraaf has some outstanding - June 26th, 2008
- You know the scene in - June 26th, 2008
- I regard these kind of zoos - June 26th, 2008
- I am in argeement with you - June 26th, 2008
- I actually knew a couple of - June 26th, 2008
- that would be water, right? - June 26th, 2008
- Right... Really? - June 26th, 2008
- Right... Really? - June 26th, 2008
- There is, and I took it, and - June 26th, 2008
- Thanks, but it would have - June 26th, 2008
- You've got a good piece, and - June 26th, 2008
- Maaan, you are the righteous - June 26th, 2008
- Your comment follows on the - June 26th, 2008
- Perhaps you will find it - June 26th, 2008
- A masterwork. - June 26th, 2008
- Someone I know once said - June 26th, 2008
- At the time, I felt it was - June 26th, 2008
- OK, you live on the west - June 26th, 2008
- How about a petting zoo? - June 26th, 2008
- Don't you agree that it's - June 26th, 2008
- If you're sober enough to - June 26th, 2008
- May you be gifted with - June 26th, 2008
- I guess so. But you could - June 26th, 2008
- Yeah? Well...that's just - June 25th, 2008
- This is the kind of - June 25th, 2008
- Better yet, just make an - June 24th, 2008
- This story is fucking - June 24th, 2008
- That's no excuse for - June 24th, 2008
- That's good looking out for - June 24th, 2008
- It's not a drug that's that - June 24th, 2008
- I suppose you're right that, - June 24th, 2008
- I have no idea what this - June 24th, 2008
- It appears that you - June 24th, 2008
- Yes...until you see naked - June 24th, 2008
- Mr. Gillespie, Please allow - June 24th, 2008
- Yeah? Ya like it? What'd I - June 23rd, 2008
- Particularly enjoyed six and - June 21st, 2008
- Chris, Thanks for the - June 20th, 2008
- Then I suppose you wouldn't - June 20th, 2008
- I think the voters are too - June 20th, 2008
- It seems we have a resident - June 20th, 2008
- I'll confess that I lost - June 20th, 2008
- Yes...yes - June 20th, 2008
- I guess the joke is, why - June 20th, 2008
- Mr Beck, I know what you - June 20th, 2008
- This is on the money. I - June 20th, 2008
- For another personification - June 19th, 2008
- It seems PIC has a strong - June 19th, 2008
- This is a fine piece, more - June 19th, 2008
- I like this one. Despite - June 19th, 2008
- I would say that this is - June 18th, 2008
- SNL is a tough one for - June 18th, 2008
- Maxim lost a lot of good - June 18th, 2008
- This could've been in Maxim - June 18th, 2008
- Yes, Mr. Freeman, and orange - June 17th, 2008
- I find the voting system - June 17th, 2008
- Coach, I've got better stuff - June 17th, 2008
- "...the list goes on, just - June 15th, 2008
- I should not have concurred - June 15th, 2008
- Being new to the site, I am - June 15th, 2008
- Nick, this piece showcases a - June 15th, 2008
- In 1944, General Patton - June 14th, 2008
- Thanks for the compliment, - June 14th, 2008
- Yes...and you're not being - June 14th, 2008
- Do you write about other - June 13th, 2008
- I like this piece. It - June 13th, 2008







