Chucky and I Have Something in Common

I know most of you readers think of me as a badass, steak-eating, slut-banging superhero. And, for the most part that's true. However, even I have some less than masculine traits. And I figured I'd share them with you. Now, I know this opens me up to all kinds of ridicule from the cyber-peanut gallery but well, after more than three years tapping the keys here at PIC, I could really give a fuck.

So anyway, feel free to make fun of me for the following issues, which are certainly less than cool.

I don't know how to drive a manual transmission. That's right. I never learned how to drive a stick. I used to be real embarrassed about this until I was reading an article on my Tampa Bay Buccaneers five years ago and learned that Jon Gruden can't drive a stick. And he has a Super Bowl ring! So anyway, I can't drive a stick and you can fuck off.

I often drink fermented apple cider. That's right, you read that correctly. You know that stuff that high school chicks drink because it tastes like apple juice and gets them wasted? Yeah, well it's one of my favorites. And I'm not ashamed to admit, nor am I ashamed of it. So there.

I never played football. Not once. Mom wouldn't let me. Said it was a dangerous sport and that my body would never be the same if I played organized football. So you know that game I immerse myself in every damn fall/winter weekend? The game I can't stop watching, writing and thinking about? I've never played it. Not even once. Kinda sucks but I'll live. And without serious ligament damage, hopefully.

I'm a blogger (you probably knew that). Try using that line to get laid.

I hope we're able to get through this together. And I hope you do understand that I am a fucking awesome human being. But even the coolest motherfucker has a little lame in him. And there's no reason to be ashamed of that.

Unless you're on of those role playing game freaks. I mean really guys, get lives.
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14 Comments

 CitizenX's picture

"I'm a blogger (you probably knew that). Try using that line to get laid."

Will do.

 Chris's picture

Alcohol fuelled apple cider? Hmmm, ever had Strongbow? Thats a pretty good one where I'm from.

 Juggs's picture

One of my biggest, irrational fears was that I would be stuck with a manual transmission to drive in some sort of life or death situation. Learned to drive stick and never found a truly satisfying irrational fear to replace it.
Get one of your chicks to teach you. The language is nothing but double entendre foreplay. So it's a two-birds-with-one-stone type situation.
And a shot of blackberry schnapps in your cider is damn tasty. My local pub owner, and English ex-pat, taught me that one and I highly recommend it.
The football and the blogger issues are negligible so your pussy rating isn't off the charts yet.
Glad to see you're still churning out the lists!

 PFY's picture

I think "will you teach me to drive stick" would play even worse then "I'm a blogger".

 J.M. Lucci's picture

I gotta' confess, I don't know how to drive automatic.

We all have our short-comings.

 Tyler's picture

I've played RPG's that'd make lesser men cry at night.

 He Is The Lamb's picture

I love me an ice-cold Ace Pear Cider. Is that worse than Apple?

As for not being able to drive stick: too bad. You're missing out. There's no better panty-dropper

 Rob(from Trenton)'s picture

Eh don't feel bad about the football thing. My mom never let me play cuz she thought I'd get hurt. But she then went on to let me play both hockey and lacrosse. Go figure.

 Anonymous's picture

I still like you. Only real men wear pink.

 brother Tom's picture

nice to see juggs again...

 Courtney's picture

umm...since when is driving a stick a pantie dropper?

i played organized sports from 4th grade through high school, and intramurals in college...some days my hips and ankles feel like they belong to an eighty-year-old. you may not have the footbal memories, nate, but you also aren't gonna have arthritis when you're 40.

 Heather's picture

I can't really fault the RPG guys. It's just another way to relax and escape from the world.

It's just the guys that choose to play it over a choice of going out to a bar or something, now that's sad.

 Tyler's picture

Go learn how to drive stick. it'll take a day.
I never understood why people don't learn how to drive stick.
And drink what you want. I enjoy the smirnoff ice things. They taste like 7up.

 Leslie's picture

ROB: Aw, my mom never let me play football either...I also went on to play men's lacrosse. Being a girl, that was considered odd. Being a small girl, I'm fairly certain I will never have a day where nothing hurts until the day after I die.

NATE: Stick was my irrational fear until my (now ex-) boyfriend got drunk off his tree and decided to teach me. Not only did I take out 3 parking lot signs and a small barricade (he drove a shitty car and was so blasted he hardly noticed), I gained a mastery of the manual and instilled a whole new level of fear in my boyfriend. Knowing how to drive a stick isn't a panty-dropper...but admitting you can't is just sad.

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