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Josh: Sarah has a new boyfriend. She goes through them like underwear.
K: So do I...except I don't wear underwear...and I don't have boyfriends...so I guess I don't.
-Josh, learning more than he expected from his roommate
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The Nate WayBy Nathan DeGraaf
NEWEST POSTS (View all)
8/27/08: A Preview's Preview
8/20/08: The Snippets Dug
8/17/08: Observations Take the Bronze
8/12/08: It's an Election Year and I Don't Like You
8/11/08: The Snippets Missed You
8/9/08: Thanks Again (a poem)
About Nathan DeGraaf
Hometown
Tampa, FL by way of St. Louis, MO
School
University of South Florida
At a Glance
Nathan DeGraaf graduated fucking years ago with a BA in Creative Writing from the University of South Florida, which he still lives near because college chicks are the best.
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Your Mom's Favorites
By Nathan DeGraaf
The Snippets Archive
Listen
What the Hell are Street Smarts?
A Day in the Life of a Crappy Photographer
BJ, Catslut and Army Dude
Nathan "Nate" DeGraaf
In Memory of that One Dude
Intervention Free
Rest in Peace Old Friend
Talking About Breakfast
At Least It's Summer
I'm With You Peta
Brave New Chore
Coney Island of the Gut
Hot Chicks Will Mess You Up
My Favorite Ten Lines
You Can't Enforce Respect
It's Not Like he was Gonna Write Beethoven's Fifth
A Hurricane by any Other Name
Your Money is Lying to You
Gasparilla: I'm a Shitty Photographer
Post 420
A Five Tool Rat
I'd Make a Lousy Dad
Missouri is a Bitch
Lil' Tony's Mortality
Health: The Nate Way
A Conversation with Jake
A Conversation with Mickey
My New Pet
Good Weird Moment in a Little League Tulip Field
We Will Never Forget
Lord Stanley and the Pampered Bitch
Ten Things that Suck About Sleeping Around
Bad Baseball and Presumptuous Rednecks
The Bible: Just a Book
Six Bucks in New York
Chills: The Coolest Dog Ever
Nuclear Wings and Spicy Bombs
Behind the Scenes with the Boss
Bye Kirby
Killer Train of Thought
Jealous Much
Interview with a Bunni
Wholeheartedly Endorsed
The Humanity
What's in a Hurricane Name?
Crash into Familiarity
No Strings
Nate's Life Lessons
Your Tax Dollars at Work
Hardly Playing the Race Card
Steroids: Because Losing Sucks
Welcome to Florida - Shut Up
Your Mom Digs My Shirt
The Zoo: A Memory
Missing Someone
RJ and the Half Drunk Prince
The Cute White Boy
Your Mom's Links
Simmons
Maddox
With Leather
Amir's Blog
FJM
Deadspin
Surf Report
Kissing Suzy Kolber
NOIS
By Nathan DeGraaf
The Snippets Archive
Listen
What the Hell are Street Smarts?
A Day in the Life of a Crappy Photographer
BJ, Catslut and Army Dude
Nathan "Nate" DeGraaf
In Memory of that One Dude
Intervention Free
Rest in Peace Old Friend
Talking About Breakfast
At Least It's Summer
I'm With You Peta
Brave New Chore
Coney Island of the Gut
Hot Chicks Will Mess You Up
My Favorite Ten Lines
You Can't Enforce Respect
It's Not Like he was Gonna Write Beethoven's Fifth
A Hurricane by any Other Name
Your Money is Lying to You
Gasparilla: I'm a Shitty Photographer
Post 420
A Five Tool Rat
I'd Make a Lousy Dad
Missouri is a Bitch
Lil' Tony's Mortality
Health: The Nate Way
A Conversation with Jake
A Conversation with Mickey
My New Pet
Good Weird Moment in a Little League Tulip Field
We Will Never Forget
Lord Stanley and the Pampered Bitch
Ten Things that Suck About Sleeping Around
Bad Baseball and Presumptuous Rednecks
The Bible: Just a Book
Six Bucks in New York
Chills: The Coolest Dog Ever
Nuclear Wings and Spicy Bombs
Behind the Scenes with the Boss
Bye Kirby
Killer Train of Thought
Jealous Much
Interview with a Bunni
Wholeheartedly Endorsed
The Humanity
What's in a Hurricane Name?
Crash into Familiarity
No Strings
Nate's Life Lessons
Your Tax Dollars at Work
Hardly Playing the Race Card
Steroids: Because Losing Sucks
Welcome to Florida - Shut Up
Your Mom Digs My Shirt
The Zoo: A Memory
Missing Someone
RJ and the Half Drunk Prince
The Cute White Boy
Your Mom's Links
Simmons
Maddox
With Leather
Amir's Blog
FJM
Deadspin
Surf Report
Kissing Suzy Kolber
NOIS
Recent Comments
| Author | Comment | Article |
|---|---|---|
| John Gillespie | I feel the exact same way | Cerebral Blue Balls |
| John Gillespie | To bad though Nate, | A Preview's Preview |
| JaneLane (not verified) | Hopefully, this means you | A Preview's Preview |
| Alex Bash | Hey conveniently | Beer Pong Star Signed to Three-Year Deal |
| Grandpa Tom (not verified) | Hayell yayess! Football! | A Preview's Preview |
Obervations like a Lil' Girl's Song
Posted January 8th, 2007 by Nathan DeGraaf
This is my 404th post. Only sixteen more until number 420. Be sure to stock up.
How come fundamentalist Christians never seem to fundamentally forgive everyone? That just seems fundamentally fucked?
My friend Freckles is preparing to drive to Gainesville (home of UF) from his Tampa home at half time of tonight's NCAA Championship Game (UF vs Ohio St.) if Florida is up by a lot, just so he can get in on the partying. We truly live in great times.
One of these days, and I mean soon, someone's gonna find me drunk in a ditch, screaming about the rising cost of porno DVDs. It's only a matter of when.
Saddam Hussein is dead and there ain't a goddamn thing a Sunni can do about it. But seriously, how cool is it that people still get hanged in this great world of ours? I mean, to keep something that cheap, primitive and ultimately effective around for so long, well, that just screams class and echoes tradition. Gotta hand it to whoever did that (I don't read the news).
About twenty minutes ago, as I was returning from getting my Writing Beer (read: whatever's on sale), I almost ran over a girl in my apartment complex parking lot as I pulled my car into a parking spot. Or at least, that's what she accused me of (I'm pretty sure my car never got near her). She yelled at me to watch out then walked up my steps and knocked on my door.
"That's my door," I said. "And I'm pretty sure I'm not home."
Then, she tried to sell me a magazine subscription.
After I cried poor, we complemented each other on our appearances and I asked her to come by later for a beer. She said she'll "see if she can" which to me means, "no."
You just can't beat apartment living. I mean, those kinds of subtle, random-stranger interactions almost never happen to homeowners. But of course, how would I know?
And finally, because logic and fluidity are leaving to get good seats at the bar, I leave you with the following, which I made my friend's six year old sing to me four times (she wrote it):
Just 'cause I'm not fat
And I'm not ugly
Doesn't mean that
I won the darn lottery.
Just 'cause I'm thin
And just 'cause I look good
Doesn't mean I own
The darn neighborhood.
I'm not fat.
I'm not ugly.
But I know that
I'm not lucky.
I'm just a girl
Happy as I can be
A very pretty girl
Just happy to be.
Sometimes, I'm really one hundred percent positive I don't know shit about anything, you know?
How come fundamentalist Christians never seem to fundamentally forgive everyone? That just seems fundamentally fucked?
My friend Freckles is preparing to drive to Gainesville (home of UF) from his Tampa home at half time of tonight's NCAA Championship Game (UF vs Ohio St.) if Florida is up by a lot, just so he can get in on the partying. We truly live in great times.
One of these days, and I mean soon, someone's gonna find me drunk in a ditch, screaming about the rising cost of porno DVDs. It's only a matter of when.
Saddam Hussein is dead and there ain't a goddamn thing a Sunni can do about it. But seriously, how cool is it that people still get hanged in this great world of ours? I mean, to keep something that cheap, primitive and ultimately effective around for so long, well, that just screams class and echoes tradition. Gotta hand it to whoever did that (I don't read the news).
About twenty minutes ago, as I was returning from getting my Writing Beer (read: whatever's on sale), I almost ran over a girl in my apartment complex parking lot as I pulled my car into a parking spot. Or at least, that's what she accused me of (I'm pretty sure my car never got near her). She yelled at me to watch out then walked up my steps and knocked on my door.
"That's my door," I said. "And I'm pretty sure I'm not home."
Then, she tried to sell me a magazine subscription.
After I cried poor, we complemented each other on our appearances and I asked her to come by later for a beer. She said she'll "see if she can" which to me means, "no."
You just can't beat apartment living. I mean, those kinds of subtle, random-stranger interactions almost never happen to homeowners. But of course, how would I know?
And finally, because logic and fluidity are leaving to get good seats at the bar, I leave you with the following, which I made my friend's six year old sing to me four times (she wrote it):
Just 'cause I'm not fat
And I'm not ugly
Doesn't mean that
I won the darn lottery.
Just 'cause I'm thin
And just 'cause I look good
Doesn't mean I own
The darn neighborhood.
I'm not fat.
I'm not ugly.
But I know that
I'm not lucky.
I'm just a girl
Happy as I can be
A very pretty girl
Just happy to be.
Sometimes, I'm really one hundred percent positive I don't know shit about anything, you know?
Labels: observations
17 Comments
YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH NATE...YOUR GAY INSIGHTS GIVE YOU AWAY...YOU LOOK AND SOUND LIKE A GUY THAT GETS FUCKED UP THE ASS AND WALKS AROUND SMILING AL DAY AND REMINISCING ABOUT GETTING ASS FUCKED CAUSE YOUR ASS IS SORE...YOU'RE A FRUITY NASTY FUCK...I SEE WHY NOBODY PICKS UP YOUR WRITING...NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHATS ON THE MIND OF A FLAMING FRUIT LOOP....WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT
Hey Chad, how's Duluth?
Am I supposed to find someone who doesn't have the balls to id themselves and then insult a writer, funny? Hey you vaginal blood fart, why don't you at least have the testicular fortitude to say your first fucking name before insulting someone? Do you know how many people chuckled, laughed and/or cracked a grin at your comment to Nathan, 1 (you). And you are an asswhore, so lick the sweat of a dead bulls ass crack, and then maybe you will be let back into humanity. Maybe.
Hi, Nate.
-Kev
"testicular fortitude"...that's phenomenal! you have a way with words Kevin. Well done! Oh, and Nate too. Always a pleasure.
WHATS THE MATTER KEVIN...DID I HURT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S FELINGS?...ALL I'M SAYING IS NATE THINKS ITS COOL TO BE ANOTHER MAN'S PENIS SOCK...THATS FUCKED UP...AND NOBODY WANTS TO LISTEN TO A GUY THAT CONSTANTLY HAS FRESH COCK ON HIS BREATH...SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE A BUTT PIRATE TOO JASON...YOU BOTH ARE WHATS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY...DRUNKEN ASS PIRATES THAT SIT AROUND AND "OBSERVE" EVERYTHING THAN GETTING OFF YOUR FRESHLY FUCKED ASSES AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE...SERIOUSLY...WE OUGHT TO LOCK ALL YOU QUEERS UP WITH SOME MANDINGO HIV POSTIVE APELIKE BLACKIES AND LET THEM FUCK YOU UPP THE ASS TILL YOU BLEED TO DEATH....YOU ARE ALL WORTHLESS AND WEAK...DID SOME LITTLE GIRLY BREAK YOUR HEART WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE SO NOW YOU CAN ONLY DEAL WITH GUYS...LET THEM RIDE UP YOUR ASS....YOU NEED SOME TESTICULAR FORTITUDE SO YOU STOP ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH...GO PLAY WITH YOUR BARBIES AND LEAVE THE IMPORTANT STUFF TO US MEN...YOU LITTLE TWINKERBELL ASS LICKER
HELP!!! MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS BROKEN!!!
Nate, is that a Chamley reference?? I highly doubt it's him, because that wasn't plagarized from a week before, its quasi-original.
General question here ... does anyone know when "Employee of the Month" comes out and if it is on Blu-Ray? Thanks ... had no clue after perusing this fine website.
"...HAS FRESH COCK ON HIS BREATH..."
How would one know these sort of things?
Anyway, you used complement instead of compliment... just thought I'd nitpick. "Tinkerbell Ass Licker is now an official insult in my repertoire. Thanks, stranger.
"I'll take "Caps Lock Key for $500, Alex."
Alex: "Answer: Because They Were dropped on their head at Birth."
Contestant: "Why do people insist on posting in all caps?"
Hey Anon: Real Quick, my bona fides as a man are pretty much unquestionable. Allow me to list:
1. Retired member Navy Seal Team 4.
2. Founder ACT (Advanced Commerce Technologies) with 5 other guys. Operated for 4+ years, sold to iBill for $110MM.
3.Founded Toraton Partners, Inc. Built worlds first fully stable, market ready mcommerce platform. Currently in discussions with Fortune 50 to sell.
4. Graduated University of Alabama with a 3.85, while becoming an honorary landholder in the Jack Daniel's distillery.
5. Married 12 years
6. 3 kids, all in private school, and doing great-Thank you.
You? Well we know that you have enough time to show up and flame a writer that has talent. You have none. If you are Chad you are po'd that your old lady just figured out that you were a lying plagerist (sp?)and dumped your ass, and you blame Nate because it was in a snippet collection. Instead of flaming, you should be asking, if I am such a great guy, why would my lady read another dudes stuff to find out (probably confirm) that I am an asshole?
Dude, look in the mirror. If you hate yourself that badly, then the rest of the world probably does too, so you are thinking the right thing in the fact that you should give yourself a 9mm Advil right now. Best of luck with your impending suicide,
-Kev
Nate, thanks for the vermin explanation.
-Kev
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