The Snippets are Filthy

Stacy: So what do you think is the best thing you write?
Me: They're called snippets.
Stacy: And pray tell, young poet, what are snippets?
Me: They're chunks of conversation that I take out of context and combine with other chunks of conversation to make sometimes coherent points.
Stacy: And how did you come across this art form?
Me: Excuse my tone, but I just met you, what do you give a fuck?

Ben: Nate, you always thinks everything's a scam.
Me: Dude, everything is a scam. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll grow up.
Ben: Dude, you haven't vacuumed your place in months. Don't talk to me about growing up.
Me: I'm out of vacuum bags.
Ben: Dude, you understand that you can replace stuff when you run out, right? I mean, it's not that difficult for a man of your means to drive to a fucking store and buy vacuum cleaner bags.

Stacy: Are you always this rude to women you've just met?
Me: I'm not being rude, I'm just curious. Why do you care what I write?
Stacy: Trust me, a woman can only put up with so much talk of sports, work and fantasy football leagues. It's so repetitive. It's nice to meet a man who really does something, even if he is a moody asshole.

Me: Five minutes, thirty seconds.
Stacy: Huh?
Me: That's how long it took for you to go from meeting me to calling me an asshole.
Stacy: Is that a long time for you?
Me: Kinda. But if it does happen, it's usually in the first ten minutes.
Stacy: You keep track of this, don't you?
Me: Loosely.

Me: Dude, there are many different types of vacuum cleaner bags. How am I supposed to know which one to get?
Ben: Uh, wait, I know this one. You fucking look at the existing bag and buy the same kind, genius.
Me: You make it sound so simple.
Ben: You make it sound so stupid.

Me: Basically, I always used to put chunks of conversations from my week into emails that I sent my friends and family. And well, my brother was in Afghanistan at the time, and he never had time to read a full email, and he emailed me once and told me that all he really read were the snippets, since he thought they were the funniest parts. And then I asked my family and frields if they thought they were the funniest parts, and almost everyone said yes. And so I started doing a weekly version of them on their own. And people seemed to like it.
Stacy: And now, it's a weekly feature on a website I've never heard of. Cheers.
Me: Cheers.
Stacy: To your health.

Labels: snippets

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