Points in Case > Loyalty to What?

Loyalty to What?

Posted July 31st, 2006 by Nathan DeGraaf
Perhaps monogamy exists in small farm towns in the Midwest, or even in certain parts of Japan, but it does not exist in Tampa, Florida. This, I promise you (and if you won't believe me, you're probably pretty smart).

Saturday, I hooked up with a girl who has a boyfriend. She got off work at six. He got off work at ten. Guess where she was for the bulk of that four hour span. Go on, guess. I'll give you a minute.

If you guessed: my bed, my couch, my kitchen floor and my dining room table, then you're correct. Congratulations, you win nothing.

The thing is, I really like this girl. She's beautiful, funny and great in bed. I confessed my appreciation of her to my friend, Kevin, prompting the following conversation:

Kevin: Dude, you don't want to be serious about her.
Me: Why not?
Kevin: She's cheating on her boyfriend.
Me: Yeah, well I don't think she likes him all that much.
Kevin: No shit, Sherlock? At what point in the evening did you deduce that one, Doctor? Was it before or after she took her clothes off?
Me: Yeah but, maybe you're just underestimating my drawing power.
Kevin: Perhaps. Unlikely, but perhaps. But here's what's more likely: the odds of her cheating on you down the road.

Game, set, match: Kevin. What can you do?

So anyways, the next night, an ex-girlfriend of mine came by to spend some time on my couch, floor and bed. Throughout the night, her ex-boyfriend kept calling her.

"I've been breaking up with this guy for five months," she said. "He always calls me up crying and stuff. It's so sad."

"I feel real bad for him," I said.

"What happened to all the real men out there, Nate? Why are they all such spineless crybabies, nowadays? I tell him I never want to see him again, I cheat on him, and he still calls me up crying. I mean, how do these guys live with themselves?"

"You got me."

"Promise me you'll never change, Nate," she said.

"I promise, whore."

So, of the last two girls I've gotten to know, one was cheating on her boyfriend and one was doing her best to get rid of a man by cheating on him. Of the six chicks I've hooked up with since my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, three of them were cheating on their boyfriends. That means, I can say for sure that four of the last seven women I have been intimate with were cheating on their boyfriends.

So what are the odds that the other three were cheating, too?

Now, I don't want to seem like I'm trying to take the high road here (except I totally am; I mean, how many chances like this will I get?), but what happened to loyalty? What happened to monogamy? And while we're here, what the hell happened to my kitchen floor?

Actually, don't answer that last one.
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