Writing with Ten Thumbs

Honestly, I haven’t been this out-and-out wasted since college (that’s saying something folks). Court and I both agreed that we woke up very, very drunk (I mean, we woke up with a buzz that would take at least eight beers to tie on if we were fresh). I keep missing keys as I try to type. If you were watching me type this, you’d probably think something along the lines of, “wow, it’s so cute that the mentally handicapped kid thinks he can use a computer.” It’s that bad right now.

Some highlights? Okay, I’ll try.

Actually, I’m sorry. I don’t remember much. My friend Ashley was kind enough to be our designated driver. I remember that. Court and I started with bloody marys around eleven AM. There was beer. There were many bars. There was long island ice teas and rum and cokes. There was a strip club. There was a nice restaurant. I have bruises on my arm. Court’s eyes were so red this morning I could have landed planes with them. My throat is killing me. Pretty soon, we’ll all be too old for this. But right now, hell, I don’t know. I’m gonna pull a Matt Leinart interview trick and just let this paragraph fall away…

I can truly say that the steam is blown off. I started this weekend wanting to blow off some serious steam because of all the busy-ness that one feels when one works two jobs, writes a book and has a girlfriend, and well, now I can say that the steam is gone. And I guess I need to find some more ‘cause I got nothing.

It’s Sunday, right?

Anyway, I want to thank absolutely no one for deciding to come down here and have a good time with us during the weekend. You missed out and we didn’t need you. So there. And if I piss anyone off with this post, please understand that I’m drunk. Still.

And I want to give one more shot out to Ashley, whose strip club virginity was taken by Court and me. Unfortunately, because she was driving, she couldn’t get wasted enough to find Court attractive. It’s give and it’s take and all that. And I want to thank the fine people at The Local Pub and The Smoky Pool Hall for making fun of me non-stop and doing their best to make sure that no matter what, I looked like a total douche. You guys are the best.

And now, we’re gonna go kill this hangover with some bloody marys, some eggs and some coffee. After all, I have to work on Monday and Court… well, actually, he doesn’t have to do shit. Lucky bastard.

If you pray to the same God as me, please throw a prayer my way. I don’t know if I’m gonna make it to Monday.