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Watch Me Grow!
Posted June 19th, 2006 by Mike Faerber
I have facial hair. But I am very fickle about it. Sometimes I go from love to hate within a single day... all depending if my shag is looking gay or my roommates dare me to shave something CRAZY!
That being so, things can get pretty mixed up and hairy about what I currently look like, which you'll need to know if you plan on tracking me down and kidnapping me in your basement. (I love you, real fan).
There are other people who would like to be informed as well:
- Old high school buddies
- exes
- employers
- gay men
- straight women
- straight men who can't explain their crush on me
- old high school enemies
- Food (trying to find out when it will be set free)
- Me
So I present a great new feature on B.O.T.
Watch Me Grow! Status - THE HOBO
Style: long messy hair, long messy beard.
History: This style was first started at the beginning of time. No really, that's how long it took me to grow it. This beard is so long, history doesn't record it, it records history. If you comb through its ranks, there should be no final or midterm you cannot conquer. Unkempt strands of laissez faire economics, wavy timelines through booms and busts of wars and peace times, highlighted streaks that date back to the Enlightenment. Now no historical record is perfect. The Hobo does it's best, but it lacks organization and can be a little fuzzy at times.
A word of caution to females in need of The Hobo: This study tool must be taken advantage of weeks in advance. If you try to pull an all-nighter, you'll fry your brain and wake up drooling on your pillow after sleeping through your test. Don't worry though, you wouldn't have been able to walk anyway.
Nicknames: Grizzly Adams, What Happened to your face?, Party in the front, party in the back, in fact too much partying all-together instead of getting your degree and not being an embarassment to society
The Ups: I mean fucking look at it. It's like your sideburns caught a nice head wind and roared through your youthful green face until it became a smoldering landscape of roiling black curls and auburn locks licking the air. It's a fitting metaphor because you now will have a burn ban and several forest rangers surrounding your tinder-heavy face zone.
The Downs: You look like a hobo. You play with fire, you get burned... by women.
That being so, things can get pretty mixed up and hairy about what I currently look like, which you'll need to know if you plan on tracking me down and kidnapping me in your basement. (I love you, real fan).
There are other people who would like to be informed as well:
- Old high school buddies
- exes
- employers
- gay men
- straight women
- straight men who can't explain their crush on me
- old high school enemies
- Food (trying to find out when it will be set free)
- Me
So I present a great new feature on B.O.T.
Watch Me Grow! Status - THE HOBO
Style: long messy hair, long messy beard.
History: This style was first started at the beginning of time. No really, that's how long it took me to grow it. This beard is so long, history doesn't record it, it records history. If you comb through its ranks, there should be no final or midterm you cannot conquer. Unkempt strands of laissez faire economics, wavy timelines through booms and busts of wars and peace times, highlighted streaks that date back to the Enlightenment. Now no historical record is perfect. The Hobo does it's best, but it lacks organization and can be a little fuzzy at times.
A word of caution to females in need of The Hobo: This study tool must be taken advantage of weeks in advance. If you try to pull an all-nighter, you'll fry your brain and wake up drooling on your pillow after sleeping through your test. Don't worry though, you wouldn't have been able to walk anyway.
Nicknames: Grizzly Adams, What Happened to your face?, Party in the front, party in the back, in fact too much partying all-together instead of getting your degree and not being an embarassment to society
The Ups: I mean fucking look at it. It's like your sideburns caught a nice head wind and roared through your youthful green face until it became a smoldering landscape of roiling black curls and auburn locks licking the air. It's a fitting metaphor because you now will have a burn ban and several forest rangers surrounding your tinder-heavy face zone.
The Downs: You look like a hobo. You play with fire, you get burned... by women.
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