Today Is The Best Day Of My Life

Believe it or not, today is the best day of my life. If you were standing next to me right now and I told you that, you might ask me what makes today the best day of my life? I would answer you by asking you a question, even though people hate that shit. Well, why WOULDN'T this be the best day of my life? It's the only day of my life that I'm currently able to participate in, for starters.

Ask yourself this question. What kind of responses do you typically get when you ask people how they're doing? Here are a list of things that people typically say:

1. Can't complain.
2. Good
3. Ok
4. Fine
5. So So
6. I've been better
7. I'm alive, aren't I? (If you have to ask if you're alive, you actually may be dead!)

You never hear anybody say they're doing great, which is why that's exactly what I always tell people. Because, honestly, why shouldn't I be doing great? Why wouldn't I be doing great? I usually follow this up by telling people that today is the best day of my life. I always do this at my part time job and always to the amazement of co-workers and customers, because they can't believe that somebody is doing this well. One of my co-workers loves this so much that he asks me how I'm doing every single day just so he can hear me tell him it's the best day of my life.

We live in a society were people trudge along in their daily lives being mediocre. Well, I decided that I don't want to be mediocre, I want to be great. If anybody else wants to be great, a good place to start is by feeling great. The kind of reactions I get from customers when I tell them this is amazing. I've seen customers go from looking miserable to having a hop in their step because all of a sudden they feel a lot better when they find out that the guy standing in front of them is having the best day of his life. I had this woman once, who was very attractive by the way, who after I told her this couldn't stop smiling and couldn't stop staring at me as if she wanted to fuck me right there on the spot.

So, my challenge to anybody reading this is to start telling people that you're doing great when they ask you how you are. I wouldn't stop there either. Tell them today is the best day of your life, because honestly, why shouldn't it be?

F-R-E-E, That Spells Free!

Shopping for a new car, which ones me? A cool convertible or an SUV?

I didn't know that my credit was whack, now I'm driving off the lot in a used sub-compact!

F-R-E-E, that's spells free, credit report dot com, baby.

Saw their adds on my TV, thought about going but was too lazy.

Now Instead of looking fly and rollin' phat, my legs are sticking to the vinyl and my posse's gettin' laughed at.

F-R-E-E, that spells free, credit report dot come, baby.



FreeCreditReport.com, BABY!

What're You Lookin At, Butthead?

To my 3 readers, sorry for the break. I've been busy moving.

As you may know, from reading my blog, I participate in a Kickball league. Since my last kickball post, I've played two games. Well, the first game was a fucking disaster. You have to have 4 girls playing at all times, and we only had 1 girl show up for the first game. Thank you for being committed to the team, Bridget. You're also supposed to field 10 players and we only had 8. You also cannot have more than two guys kick in a row. What this meant for my team was that aside from the one time Bridget kicked through the order, every 2 kickers we took an automatic out because we didn't have a girl to kick. I think we lost 9-1. The highlight of the game for us was when Mike R blasted a solo dinger in the top of the second to put us up 1-0. It was the last time we would lead in the game.

Last night was a different story. I got commitments from everybody days before the game, only to have 2 girls bail out an hour before the game claiming to be "under the weather." One of the girls emailed me on both of their behalves. They must think I'm some sort of fucking asshole. Clearly they found something they'd rather do than play Kickball. Well, they're off the team and I'm not refunding their fucking money, either. So, in addition to these 2 bitches not showing up, Bridget had a work related commitment she had to go to, so she couldn't make it either, which is understandable. With the absence of these three girls, we only had three girls on the team who were showing up. One of the girls had a friend with her, and we convinced her to pretend she was on our team and play. As it turns out, she is a very poor sport, which is EXACTLY what my team looks for in players. More about that later, though. We actually had 12 players at the game and had enough to field a full team for the first time.

This time we were up against our sister team, which my roommate captains. Their team is stacked and crushed their opponent in their opening game. It was a defensive battle going into the the 7th and final inning. We were losing 1-0, due to one of my players having feet in place of his hands. He couldn't catch a fucking cold. With two outs and the bases loaded my first baseman dropped an easy fly ball which scored a run. The next batter was my roommate, who ripped a ball off the third baseman's chest scoring an additional 3 runs. That pretty much let the air out of our rally cap tires. We started the bottom of the 7th down 5-0 and with the top of the order up. We went 1-2-3 to end the game.

On a positive note, I went 1-2 with a single and made numerous key defensive plays. I am trying to get the fill in girl to play on my team. After the game she refused to shake the other teams hands saying "I hate to lose. I didn't say good game because I didn't think it was a good game." I told her that was exactly the poor sportsmanship and attitude we are looking for.

Two additional notes here.

As I write this my pal is sitting next to Tom Wilson at the airport in L.A. I recommended he ask him "what he's looking at" and then call him a "butthead" immediately after. He said he doesn't look like he wants to be bothered. Who knows, if he does, maybe he'll write a song about it! If you don't know who Tom Wilson is, fucking Google him.

Also, I've been addicted to this online puzzle game. I'm stuck on level 18. Go here and play, it's called Mindy. www.kammo.net/mindy If you get past level 18, let me know because I could use a hint.

Wikipedia: This Is Why I Love It!

God I love Wikipedia. I spend hours reading it sometimes. Do you know the entire history of Dr. Pepper? I do! One of the reasons I love Wikipedia is because anybody can modify it, for any reason, at any time. Now, they have editors who review every edit, but it usually takes them a few days to catch them. Sometimes I see them before they catch it, and sometimes I edit Wikipedia articles myself when I'm bored. I make outrageous claims and laugh at them until they catch the absurdity and undo my changes.

Below is a funny one I caught in the Martin Van Buren article, and the other is one I made myself a while ago. Click to enlarge.

The Mind Of A PIC Writer

Everybody has been writing these "mind of" pieces since Justin Rebello did it a few years ago. Some kid even plagiarized his article in his school newspaper. And, since I'm a lazy asshole, I'm going to give you one too, with a spin, of course.

Damnit, I'm at work now.

Turn on laptop!

Yes! Welcome to Windows. I'm almost there!

I'm not going spend the entire day surfing the internet at work. Again.

Fuck, it's been 3 minutes and I'm so bored. I wonder what's going on at www.pointsincase.com.

Bookmarks --> Funny Stuff --> Points In Case | The Fine Print Of College Life

Who the fuck is KC Freeman? Let's read his BIO.

(click)

Dude, my BIO is way cooler, I claim to sleep with women in it.

Fuckin A, this dude is funny! Am I funny?

Hell Yea I am!

Should I leave a comment? I'll wait until I come up with something clever.

Ok, front page again. Nate has a new blog entry.

(click)

Fuck man, he drinks a lot. Way more than me. I hope Nate doesn't ever need a liver transplant.

I should write a new blog entry, but I don't have anything funny to say right now.

I know, I'll just do what everybody else did, and write a "mind of" piece and hope nobody flames me in the comment section.