Here's the next installment in a series of panel discussions in which I and my roommate's German Shepherd, Luther, review the ten films nominated for Best Picture this year at the Academy Awards. Today, Luther and I review Toy Story 3. Read More »

Here's the next installment in a series of panel discussions in which I and my roommate's German Shepherd, Luther, review the ten films nominated for Best Picture this year at the Academy Awards. Today, Luther reviews David Fincher's The Social Network. Read More »

Here's the next installment in a series of panel discussions in which I and my roommate's German Shepherd, Luther, review the ten films nominated for Best Picture this year at the Academy Awards. Today, Luther and I review Inception. Read More »

Here's the next installment in a series of panel discussions in which I and my roommate's German Shepherd, Luther, review the ten films nominated for Best Picture this year at the Academy Awards. Today, Luther and I review Daren Aronofsky's Black Swan. Read More »

Oscar season is here, and I thought I'd provide you with a little breakdown of the nominated films. In order to do so, I've enlisted the help of my roommate's dog, Luther Von HoldingHammer, an ornery German Shepherd who is just a bit outspoken. This was originally designed to be an "Ebert & Roeper" style television show, but we were unable to generate any interest in the pilot. Read More »

When Star Wars was released in 1977, it changed the face of science fiction forever. It found broad mainstream appeal (something Star Trek always struggled to do) and developed legions of devoted fans who have worked tirelessly to expand George Lucas's universe through fan fiction, video games, action figures, and encyclopedias dedicated to exploring the history and significance of the storied film franchise. Read More »

The following is the result of a "free writing" assignment in one of my MFA classes.  Basically, the pen goes down on the paper and doesn't leave until time is up.  Whenever any kind of block sets in, we write "Mary had a little lamb..." until it leads to something else.  When I finished, I was relatively pleased with the results.  It's ridiculous and it's rambling, but I thought you all might derive a little enjoyment from it.  Plus, I put Mary in her place.  She had it coming. Read More »

The Extreme Makeover: Home Edition^TM bus is shown ambling down the highway towards its generic Midwestern destination. Read More »

« Back to Part I

Jesus' fitful, drunken slumber was interrupted by the sensation of cold steel against his forehead. He opened his eyes to find himself staring up at the underside of a double-barreled shotgun. He panicked. His heart raced. He was not prepared to die again, at least not so soon, and he felt genuinely afraid until he realized who was on the other end of the shotgun. He relaxed. Read More »

They told me to hang on to whatever I could from Draft Day, but honestly, I don't even remember hearing my name. All I know is that people around me started cheering and my family began pushing me up out of my seat and towards the podium. At first I resisted, still unaware that my name had been called, but the handsome man had a big smile on his face and seemed eager to shake my hand. Read More »

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It's an exciting time in America cinema. Long past the hay-day of celluloid, the current entertainment landscape allows studios to produce and market films rapidly. So rapidly, in fact, that it's both possible and likely that several well-deserving gems will enter and exit theaters tragically unnoticed.

I'm here to avert that tragedy. Read More »

The clouds rolled in like tumbleweeds, at times completely obscuring the ominous orange moon that stained the otherwise picturesque midnight sky. It was cold and the air was stale, and the shadows that mirrored the movement of the clouds cast a foreboding pall on the pastoral setting. The two men dressed in black, and did their best to travel unnoticed. Read More »

"Hi there, I'm all alone and looking for some company. You don't have to go out to have a good time, so call me and let's chat!" Read More »

Don stares down at the scale. "Hrmph," he grunts, with a dissatisfactory furl in his aging brow. He is 42 years old. He steps off the scale and removes his boxer shorts, convinced that the airy blend of elastic and cotton was somehow akin to adorning oneself with a regulation-weight bowling ball. He's back on the scale. No change. He sucks in his gut. Read More »