How to Be a Cool Girlfriend


>>> About Last Night...
By staff writerAli Wisch
May 17, 2006

Before I begin, let me just say that today is one of my best friends’ birthday. You may not know this, but Liz is pretty much the brains behind this column. Before my articles go to Mikey and then Court, they go through Liz. She’s the one who tells me I’m a slut before you do, warns me when my puns sound dumb, and breaks it to me when I’m just not funny. Without her, this column wouldn’t be possible.

So baby girl, if you thought I didn’t appreciate it, this one’s for you. If I were a lesbian, I’d totally want you to be my girlfriend. Happy Birthday.

1. Have a life outside of your relationship.

Liz never ditches me for her boyfriend and you shouldn’t ditch me for your boyfriends either. One of the best ways to keep your relationship healthy is to spend quality time with your girlfriends...hot, secret quality time if that’s what it takes to convince your boyfriend.

"Let him watch ESPN all day on TV, don’t freak out on him every time a girl calls his phone, and let him keep his dorky habits."

It’s important to keep your man wanting more. In other words, don’t let him think that you are at his every beck and call. It’s attractive to guys when you have friends and interests of your own. It’s even more attractive when you let him watch, but hey, that’s up to you.

2. Be comfortable with him.

I’m not saying let a silent but deadly rip and then pull him under the covers and scream “DUTCH OVEN!” but the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable he will feel around you…and the more comfortable it will feel when he “feels” you.

I know it’s hard not to feel self-conscious in the beginning, but men like it when you’re confident. Love your body and it will love you back. Hopefully you’re with a guy who would never make you feel bad about yourself anyway. If so, ditch him like Liz ditched the dirtballs she dated before her current man. (How does she fit all that self-respect in those jeans?)

3. Laugh.

It’s not every day that you have one of those break-down-in-tears, falling-on-the-floor, stomach cramp kind of laughing sessions. That is, until you have a boyfriend. I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life. Don’t sweat the small things (I’m sure he feels self-conscious as it is) and have a good laugh with your man. It’s the best natural high there is.

4. Learn about your boyfriend.

Sure you might know his middle name, his shoe size, and that his dick curves a little bit to the left, but until you reach your 50th wedding anniversary, there’s always more to learn about your man. Does he have political views? What was the first concert he ever saw? What is his favorite color? Seriously, he can’t believe that pink polo looks good. He will appreciate that you are interested in knowing more about him.

Just don’t creep him out and ask him things like how many kids he wants to have or whether he’d prefer a wedding at the beach or in a chapel. Because the answer is the beach, but he’s not ready for anyone to know that.

5. Don’t be too needy.

This one can easily be misinterpreted. When I say don’t be too needy, I mean in a relationship where your boyfriend is already doing what should be expected. He should call you when he says he will, not answer his phone while you’re having sex, and tell the guys he’s spending the night in when chilling with you.

But as long as he is being good to you, you have to give him his space. Let him hang with the guys and watch ESPN all day on TV, don’t freak out on him every time a girl calls his phone, and let him keep his dorky habits. The best way to judge these kinds of situations is to put yourself in his shoes. Generally, when your guy friends call you, they aren’t propositioning sex and romantic getaways, they just want to hang out. That’s probably why his girl friends are calling him too.

So, if you’ve read all of these things and you still don’t feel fulfilled, just be like Liz. And if you want more advice on the subject, send her a Facebook message—she’s the coolest “girlfriend” I know.


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<i> She’s the one who tells me I’m a slut before you do, warns me when my puns sound dumb, and breaks it to me when I’m just not funny.</i>

While I read your column on occassion, and find it interesting (sometimes), it's been a very long time since you were actually *funny*. You seem to lean towards an advice column rather than humor. What happened? Why so serious these days?

i think she's funny...and hot

<i>let him keep his dorky habits</i>

This phenomenon cracks me up. Who are these guys that are so whipped that a girl can let him watch ESPN or let him keep his dorky habits. I mean seriously, these guys exist?

This phenomenon cracks me up. Who are these guys that are so whipped that a girl can let him watch ESPN or let him keep his dorky habits. I mean seriously, these guys exist?

It's not about being whipped, its about avoiding fights. If you have a whiney, complainy, needs attention all the got damn time type of girlfriend, you might turn off ESPN as a means of avoiding her bitching. I mean, you could be big bad ass and keep it on when she's there. But then you gotta hear her complain. You'll prolly have a stupid argument, and then won't even to be able to enjoy it after you get your way. And you'll have dry balls.

And Ali, I love your column. Been reading for a while and thought I'd comment.

Jarrod, or you could politely ask her to stop complaining and/or leave. If she doesn't, you can politely show her the door and find another girl. Women, belive it or not, respect this. Or they leave. Either way, who cares?

I dont think she was trying to be overly serious or anything like that in the column. I thought it was great, and definately interesting (allthetime).... Adding in liz was an excellent touch, its almost like shes been your better half since you two met first day last year..... can't wait to read ur next one

Should've been a much shorter column.

"How to be a cool girlfriend: be liberal when it comes to sex and oral, learn to cook and appreciate sports and hip-hop."

That's it, that's the list.

Ridiculous how many women don't pick up on this, it's not particularly complicated.

<i>She’s the one who tells me I’m a slut before you do</i>

I don't think you're a slut. From the way you sound in your article, I don't think you've been laid in a while.

Case in point: You forgot to mention that the girl needs to be fantastic in the sack.

Dutch oven hahah now that,s funny

how does it sound like she hasnt been laid in a while...that doesnt even make any sense. good try though

Well any woman who was getting some would have enough sense to give a few pointers.

Yeah we want a woman who can laugh, but head is important as well.

"Generally, when your guy friends call you, they aren’t propositioning sex and romantic getaways, they just want to hang out. That’s probably why his girl friends are calling him too." Bullshit, guys only call when they want to have sex. It's part of our genetic makeup. We need to spread our seed in as many women possible as to ensure that our genes get passed on. This is nature and we don't need to apologize for our instincts. Only wussies aka "guy friends" say they want to "hang out" because their balls have never dropped and never will. As for girls calling, when they call to say they want to hang out, they just want to hang out.

As a huge PIC reader I think Ali's column is great. All of them are but hers is one of the ones I most look forward to. Keep it up Ali. By the way, I hear you spent some time down here in Australia, how bout a shout out to the land down under?
Anyway, great work and keep it up, even a lot of my girl friends are starting to take your advice. Love it!

I find it funny you mentioned that you should know peoples middle names and you don't even know mine. You do know my first concert though.

Fell across this website & love it! Funny stuff and so true. I am telling all my girlfriends.

that was fantastic. you should give seminars. speaking as a guy, girls really need to know this shit.

I think Ali is HIGH-LARIOUS.....I'm not in college anymore and happened upon this site by accident...everything she writes ir ironically funny and sometimes i pee my pants laughing when reading.
Kepp up the good work!

are you still alive?

Hi

I read your column because I have noticed that I can be needy in a relationship. My relationship with my boyfriend first of all has been long distance for some time we get together for holidays or long weekends. I hate being at his beck and call and I know I am....I need some cool girlfriends for real

Ali,
My boyfriend and I have been together now for a little over a year and a half. I need to know if the things he's doing are "okay" and if I'm just jealous.
Is it okay for him to give rides to his "friends that are girls" and text them ALL the time, and tell them they have "one of the most beautiful smiles in the world"? and is it ok for him to hangout with them? And the worst part is, he does this stuff all the time, and I find out from friends and "myspace" and he denies it every time so I just blow it off because there's just "no way my boyfriend would ever do something like that!" right?
I know I may over react about somethings, but is it ok for him to do this stuff all the time?

thanks for your time (love the articles!)

*Allison*

I don't think that's okay at all. The fact that he's telling over guys that they're beautiful hints that you're not the only one he's interested. And because he denies the things he says and does, it seems like he doesn't even respect you enough to tell him the truth. I don't think he's worth your time whatsoever

*other girls i mean

i have a boyfriend who has about 15 close girl friends and has about 30-40 acquintances, girls too. he never has 'guy nights' hanging out with guy friends and such, he only has a few. he says women have far better conversations than men. (lol so true). so he often texts them and also call them beautiful, because he likes to make women feel good about themselves.

i sometimes have problems accepting it, BUT the difference between your boyfriend and my boyfriend. my boyfriend introduces me to all women, i sometimes come along when he goes for coffee with one of his friends, and if he goes alone for coffee with a woman, he gives me a full report lol.

so i wouldn't accept him denying it. that means he may not be meeting up with other women for the right reasons. if it's not for cheating, he may be doing it for ego boosts (also a form of cheating). maybe tell him it is okay, you are totally fine with him having female friends, as long as you know who and are allowed to meet them and come along whenever you want.