Please Help BP

Late last month, there was a catastrophic oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. An explosion in an offshore drilling operation killed several workers and now every second gallons upon gallons of oil are being shot off into the ocean.

Among the many negatively affected by this ongoing tragedy are countless workers, industries, and businesses. Namely a mom-and-pop-type company called British Petroleum, or BP. The executives and employees of BP really need your help right now, and your monetary donation can help return BP to a profitable conglomeration once again. Here at Points in Case, our heart goes out to BP, thus I am setting up a relief fund to help. Remember how cool it was when you texted money to Haiti? Remember how that got you laid? This is just like that.

If you went to a gas station and filled up your tank and then sped off without paying, you would be prosecuted. So why isn't the ocean held accountable? Why can this asshole ocean just take all the oil it wants? Do you know how much a barrel of oil costs? A lot more now, that's for sure.

This spill is going to have permanent negative consequences for the fragile BP profitary system. The loss of oil is estimated at over $750 million, the cleanup costs are estimated to be around $2 billion, and the BP corporation's reputation is going to be covered in a metaphorical oil.

We've all spilled stuff before. So please, look deep in your heart, pretend there's some Sarah McLachlan song playing right now and there is a BP executive holding an empty wallet and staring at you with a puppy dog look while a tear rolls down his cheek. You can make a difference today. Just email me your credit card number, expiration date, and that code on the back.

Please take what you were thinking of donating, multiply that by 30, and then donate that new number.

Thank you.