When I was in college, I had good friends from India, England, France, Bahrain, Turkey and Bulgaria. My Indian friends identified themselves as Brahmins, and there were certain things they would not do. One day, we were playing ping-pong, and my buddy Amit was close to beating my buddy Ram, when the ball bounced into a large, plastic garbage can. Read More »

I have enjoyed reading your glossy, ad-filled magazine for the past 17 months. However, it is time for me to make some changes. I will not be wearing boat shoes, designer shirts or a hundred-dollar haircut. Also, I will no longer be reading BoatWorks. It is a fine publication, and I enjoyed the pointers, and the very good photographs. Read More »

Listen, Donna, I know we broke up, but I just read some R.L. Read More »

International House would like to invite you to the biggest party of the year, 'Da Bomb'.  With six DJs, and over 600 speakers, this is an event that will not let you down. Read More »

Beth, tonight is the night when I will finally sex you.  I know you've been waiting for this moment for a long time.  I could tell, from the way you looked at me, that you wanted me to sex you. Read More »

I'm on this fruity quest for the ultimate reality, or some shit like that.  That's what the philosophy 101 instructor was flapping his gums about for an hour this afternoon.  But I can't remember exactly, since I had just blazed one. Read More »

How much you bench?  It's a simple question.  And I don't mean to be antagonistic.  It is a natural question for one guy to ask another.  So, how much you bench? Read More »

Rhonda, you have got to help me.  My girlfriend left me with a broken heart, half a bottle of Beam, and a pedal-steel guitar.  That's why I have placed this booty call, Rhonda.  Rhonda, you have to help me get her out of my heart.  We could take a long walk on the beach.  Or, we could see an art-house flick at the retro theater.  But at some point in the evening, the time will come for you Read More »

Mike, it's Brad.  Listen dude, remember how we've been surfing the islands since June?  Well, we're totally broke, and we're really bummed.  So, that's why you've got to tell the teacher we're surfing.  Read More »

When you visit our aquarium, you will enter through a revolving door.  Inside, you will be impressed by the site of many aquatic creatures which have been practicing their routines for months, specifically in order to impress you.  Read More »

Considering how boring it is to go to the clubs at night, do a bunch of coke, and go home with a beautiful woman who insists on performing fellatio repeatedly, I would like to take my own life.  But there's just one problem: I'm way too handsome. Read More »