As an attorney who has engaged in unprotected pro-bono work for the majority of my career, I can tell you that I would like to take your case, and to deliver you satisfaction right there in the courtroom; on the desk of the District Attorney, if need be. Read More »

The Los Angeles Lakers used their first-round draft choice to select a relative unknown: 7-foot, 90lb. Max B, an impoverished taro and cassava farmer from Somalia. Read More »

When I ordered the bottle of wine with dinner, no one could have mistaken my taste. The waiter’s expression said it all. It said "You are a man of refined tastes far beyond the likes of the typical clientele of this restaurant." Read More »

I really can't believe someone actually gave you job of Master of Ceremonies for the upcoming Ornithological Society function. Because there can be no doubt that I am a better MC than you. You see, when they talk about me they say "that MC is great" but when they talk about you they say "that MC is fake." Read More »

If my girlfriend were to somehow find out that my hipster credentials are mostly bogus, I think it is likely that she would dump me. If she somehow found out what a poseur I was, the relationship would be over. Read More »

Praise be to Allah. We are here to talk about our very important mission, which we do for the grace of God. We are ready to sacrifice ourselves for God like this, in a glorious fight against the unbelievers. For our mission to succeed, we must be strict and observe the rules from the boss. Read More »

As you know, I have been a member of the Saratoga-based, Vietnamese gang called "The Bitch Killers." I am pleased to say that things are going very well for our organization; it is not safe to drive down Fruitvale unless you are in a white or gray SUV. Read More »

For the last half-hour I've had a strange feeling.  Something about the way you chose words on AIM.  You don't use the semicolon to make a visual face, and I totally feel you on that.  But it was something else that made me think you were familiar.... Did we cyber some time in the late 90's? Read More »

A while ago, I was confronted with the stark reality of my life, and I knew I had to make some changes. It was my fault; I see that now. I had been sabotaging my future for months, with the deviousness of an arsonist out of Palm Springs. Read More »

Operator, some guy totally pumped on steroids just pulled me over and called me a “wuss” before firing a tazer dart into my neck. When I rolled out of the car, he kicked me with his boots, yelling, “Face down! Read More »

At a time when most hardworking Americans are concerned with the auspices of an economic recession, I too have been financially impacted, in a very personal way. A while ago, I ran up a small debt with a friend; what follows is a raw, unadulterated account of the emails sent by my friend as he tried to maintain grasp of the tenuous, and increasingly theoretical, outstanding debt. Read More »

Hey, remember me? Your old buddy from high school! How ya doin? Ya look great. Me, I'm still living with my parents. Right now I don't have a job, but I'm trying to keep sending out positive vibes, so I'll get a sweet job, like being in charge of the police' evidence locker. Read More »

When I was in college, I had good friends from India, England, France, Bahrain, Turkey and Bulgaria. My Indian friends identified themselves as Brahmins, and there were certain things they would not do. One day, we were playing ping-pong, and my buddy Amit was close to beating my buddy Ram, when the ball bounced into a large, plastic garbage can. Read More »

I have enjoyed reading your glossy, ad-filled magazine for the past 17 months. However, it is time for me to make some changes. I will not be wearing boat shoes, designer shirts or a hundred-dollar haircut. Also, I will no longer be reading BoatWorks. It is a fine publication, and I enjoyed the pointers, and the very good photographs. Read More »

Listen, Donna, I know we broke up, but I just read some R.L. Read More »