The Snippets Will Just Deal

Me: I cannot believe you just wiped your toothbrush off on my freshly cleaned robe.
Roxy: Hey, I allow anal. You'll just deal.
Me: Seems fair, actually.

Roxy: Chris's wife won't kiss me.
Chris: She only kisses friends.
Scotty: Maybe they should get to know each other.
Me: Yeah, like really fast.

Roxy: I'm fed up with this fucking diet shit. I'm ordering a pizza.
Me: I didn't know you were on a diet.
Roxy: I'm not. But I practically fucking live at your place and I've been living off fruit and lean meats for what seems like forever. I want some freaking fat and you should too.
Me: You want me to get fat? I don't get it.
Roxy: What I don't get is how a man who can't go a day without smoking and drinking manages to regularly exercise and diet.
Me: Once you've developed a taste for alcohol, everything else just tastes bad. So you might as well eat right.
Roxy: I am going to do my best to forget you ever said that.
Me: Cool.

John: That your girlfriend?
Me: Yup.
John: I'd kill you if I thought there was a chance it would turn her on. Just thought you should know.
Me: You are one fucked up dude.
John: And you're living proof that life is unfair, asshole.
Me: You don't know how crazy she is, though.
John: I also don't care.
Me: Well, I'm sad that our friendship means so little to you.
John: Like I give a fuck what you think.
Me: Thanks, old friend.
John: Bastard.

Me: I hate hanging out at your favorite bar. Every time I walk in here, all the guys just seem so disappointed. They won't even talk to me.
Roxy: That's only ‘cause they all want to fuck me.
Me: Well, as long as there's a great reason.

Scotty: Guess what my wife got me for my birthday?
Me: Anal.
Scotty: She's seven months pregnant.
Me: Well that's no excuse.
Scotty: Actually... it kind of is.
Me: Says who?
Scotty: Logic.
Me: I hate that dude.

Me: I hate all this goddamn text messaging, Roxy.
Roxy: Too bad. I suck your dick every chance I get. You'll just deal.
Me: Seems fair, actually.

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