Bad Courtroom Defenses

Your honor, if I am guilty of anything it is the rape and robbery of the plaintiff.

I’m out of order?? This vending machine in my office is out of order!

Your honor, it is my clients contention that a more technically appropriate term would be sexual indentured servant.

Silent But Lively

I had sex with a mime once. I think she was a screamer, but I couldn’t tell.

I Should Have Seen This Coming

I dated a girl with a lazy eye once, but we broke up when it turned out she was seeing somebody else on the side.

That Burning Sensation

I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die. That’s why I denied my wife medical care until I was sure she wasn’t a witch.

More Like, Umbilical DISCHORD.

My mother was a clown. I was born connected to a dozen silk scarves.

I Almost Forgot A Nazi Joke

I think Hitler’s least favorite book of all time would have to be The Diary of Paul Frank.

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