Parody and Satire

J.M. Lucci's picture

Your Jackass Friends Rob a Bank

1
FAV
Two guys wearing stupid ski masks

"With friends like these..."

You know exactly what friends I'm talking about. They're those jackasses you can't stand being around, but you've been around them so long that not hanging around with them makes you feel weird. Weird like sobriety after coming off a month-long bender weird. Read More »

George Taylor's picture

Capital Punishment Network Investment Opportunity

0
FAVS
Capital Punishment Network logo

Robert Kardashian
4628 Hollywood Blvd
Suite A
Hollywood, CA 90027

Mr. Kardashian:

I am writing to inform you of a wonderful investment opportunity. Read More »

Alex Boonstra's picture

A National Apology from President Obama

1
FAV
Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton at a press conference

Good evening, Citizens of America, this is your President, Barack Obama. I have assembled this press conference to address the events that I just found out took place last night. While many leaders would sweep catastrophes like this under the rug and pretend they never happened, I feel it is my obligation to address the elephant in the room. Hillary Clinton, that is. Read More »

Eric Ott's picture

We Must Drink the Rising Sea Levels

1
FAV
Brita water pitcher filter

I think I have figured out a way to save the Earth. Having just performed a blind taste test on 6000 people regarding 200 various liquids based on drinkability, it turns out that ocean water comes in at #183 on the charts, fitting snugly between horse semen and Bud Light Clamato. The most common response to drinking the brackish lager? "What the fuck, man? Read More »

Jon Lowe's picture

Eavesdrop #339, Geek vs. Supermodel

1
FAV
Supermodel with geek glasses over her nipples

In this eavesdrop, the cell phone conversation between a supermodel and an astrophysicist is snatched from the air. Let's listen in...

GISELE: Yeah, well, how old are you?

GEORGE: 28. Is that important?

GISELE: Depends. So, what do you do? Read More »

Crad Kilodney's picture

Gardening for the Disabled

1
FAV
Man gardening from a wheelchair

Even if you're like, totally fucked up and in a wheelchair, you can still garden, okay? Millions of disabled people assume they can't, but that's only because nobody told them how, which is what I intend to do. Read More »

Brie Stimson's picture

Impromptu Oscar Acceptance Speech

0
FAVS
Crying at the Oscar microphone

"Oh my God! Thank you so much for this award. First of all, I'd like to thank Jesus for this award. He's the reason I have this award. If it wasn't for Jesus I'd still be serving baby back ribs at Hooters. Jesus and I were discussing my project and he really guided me...like with the lighting and the set design and my makeup. Read More »

Alex Boonstra's picture

Simile Toast Crunch, The Greatest Cereal on Earth

0
FAVS
Three bakers holding Cinnamon Toast Crunch

This is the greatest cereal I've ever eaten. It's crunchy yet smooth; bitter yet sweet. This cereal is like the Civil Rights movement poured into a bowl. If you took every Dragon Force song and added milk, it would be this cereal. Chewing it feels like the scene in King Kong where he battles the T-Rex is unfolding in my mouth. Mmm... Read More »

Brie Stimson's picture

A Public Service Announcement for the Awareness of Unicorns

0
FAVS
Unicorn in front of a rainbow

What if unicorns ran the world? Could such a wondrous time exist? I'm sure you ask yourself this every day. I know I do. A time of horses with horns and...well I guess that would really be the only change. But it would still be awesome. Read More »

Eric Ott's picture

A Taste of Hershey Highway

0
FAVS
Woman covered in chocolate

I had never had a one-night stand...until last night. I awoke this morning a new man, proudly admiring the brown stain splattered across the ceiling. I had finally sealed the deal, but not just that, I boned like a rock star. The leftovers told the tale of a heroic evening, for there were remnants of a night filled with X-rated debauchery everywhere. Read More »

Brie Stimson's picture

My Starbucks Employment Application

2
FAVS
Starbucks employment application

Note: We at Starbucks take coffee very seriously, dating it for six months before we even consider making a breast move. If you would not sell your own mother into white slavery for a good espresso, please just go apply at Tully's.

QUESTIONS

What do you love about coffee? Read More »

Nate Marmaro's picture

Sorry I Shot You in the Ovaries

0
FAVS
Loaded shotgun and four shells

Okay, I'm going to be totally honest with you: I was the one that shot you in the ovaries. It was a rookie mistake; I thought I was shooting a glass bottle on a rail post, and it turns out it was your baby compartment. My bad. In my defense, you should have waved your hands or something when you crossed the street. Read More »

Brian Agler's picture

My Live Blog of a Night at the Frats

1
FAV
Natural Light beer can

10:37pm: I need alcohol in me, like, big time. I don't think I'm addicted, but I just really want to drink. Does that make me an alcoholic?

10:40: Answer: It makes me a college student. I'm relieved, for a second I thought I was an alcoholic. Whew, that's a load off my back. Read More »

Alex Boonstra's picture

It's Not Me, It's You

3
FAVS
Girl sitting and pulling her hair out

It's not you, it's me.  Just kidding, it's you.  You've been holding me back.  I have inspirations, I have dreams!  There are so many insights that I can't achieve with you in my life—like having sex with all the Playboy Bunnies.  It's not that you're holding me back; it's that with you present in my life I can't do anything.  It'll be easier without you.  I have to do things on my own Read More »

Brian Agler's picture

Half-Baked Relationship Advice

3
FAVS
Young boy and girl smoking pot

A Totally Non-Fiction Sketch That Has Never Happened to Me, Ever

Carly: He's going to be here any minute.

Sam: Oh come on, just take a few hits...

Carly: Listen, we're Drew's best friends, and he said he's coming over to talk about the girl he's had a crush on for like a year. We've got to stay sharp. Read More »



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