Parody and Satire

Ralph Jones's picture

I Eat My Pringles with a Fork (and Other Equally Absurd Poems)

Kitten peeking out of a Pringles can

I Eat My Pringles with a Fork

I eat my Pringles with a fork
...I don't know why I do it.
The crisp is broken straight away,
The fork just goes right through it.

Most people pick their Pringles up
And simply guide them in
But mine, they fly all over town
And hit me in the chin. Read More »

Stuart Rust's picture

You're Safe in the Arms of Hubert Warren, Jr., Chief of Police

Police Chief Commissioner standing at podium giving a speech

I joined the police in 1987 hoping they would provide me with a weapon I could use to kill my ex-wife's dog. It turned out, though, that I was natural police. I had to take a few tests, but most were a total breeze—and, fortunately, the police have a policy so that if you fail the drug test 20 times they just let you in anyway. Read More »

Aaron Castellan's picture

I am Morally Outraged at Major League Baseball and Demand Satisfaction

MLB logo, steroids, baseball glove

In the chaotic world in which we all live, it can be easy to fall victim to the quick fix. Be it a 600 dollar check from Uncle Sam so you'll "stimulate the economy" or a diet pill that makes you poop off those extra pounds and fit into that prom dress. The world we live in is full of quick fixes. You know what quick fixes are? Read More »

Crad Kilodney's picture

How to Survive in the Sahara Desert

Sahara Desert with one palm tree

Survival shows are the biggest thing on TV these days. And why not? After all, we lead such interesting lives, who knows where we might end up? Like the Sahara Desert, for instance. Read More »

Stuart Rust's picture

Diary of a Men's Room Attendant: Reflections from a Toilet

Bathroom attendant

The following pieces of writing are excerpts from the journals of Frank Malinowski, a men's room attendant from Queens, New York.

Read More »

J.M. Lucci's picture

Your Jackass Friends Rob a Bank

Two guys wearing stupid ski masks

"With friends like these..."

You know exactly what friends I'm talking about. They're those jackasses you can't stand being around, but you've been around them so long that not hanging around with them makes you feel weird. Weird like sobriety after coming off a month-long bender weird. Read More »

George Taylor's picture

Capital Punishment Network Investment Opportunity

Capital Punishment Network logo

Robert Kardashian
4628 Hollywood Blvd
Suite A
Hollywood, CA 90027

Mr. Kardashian:

I am writing to inform you of a wonderful investment opportunity. Read More »

Alex Boonstra's picture

A National Apology from President Obama

Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton at a press conference

Good evening, Citizens of America, this is your President, Barack Obama. I have assembled this press conference to address the events that I just found out took place last night. While many leaders would sweep catastrophes like this under the rug and pretend they never happened, I feel it is my obligation to address the elephant in the room. Hillary Clinton, that is. Read More »

Eric Ott's picture

We Must Drink the Rising Sea Levels

Brita water pitcher filter

I think I have figured out a way to save the Earth. Having just performed a blind taste test on 6000 people regarding 200 various liquids based on drinkability, it turns out that ocean water comes in at #183 on the charts, fitting snugly between horse semen and Bud Light Clamato. The most common response to drinking the brackish lager? "What the fuck, man? Read More »

Jon Lowe's picture

Eavesdrop #339, Geek vs. Supermodel

Supermodel with geek glasses over her nipples

In this eavesdrop, the cell phone conversation between a supermodel and an astrophysicist is snatched from the air. Let's listen in...

GISELE: Yeah, well, how old are you?

GEORGE: 28. Is that important?

GISELE: Depends. So, what do you do? Read More »

Crad Kilodney's picture

Gardening for the Disabled

Man gardening from a wheelchair

Even if you're like, totally fucked up and in a wheelchair, you can still garden, okay? Millions of disabled people assume they can't, but that's only because nobody told them how, which is what I intend to do. Read More »

Brie Stimson's picture

Impromptu Oscar Acceptance Speech

Crying at the Oscar microphone

"Oh my God! Thank you so much for this award. First of all, I'd like to thank Jesus for this award. He's the reason I have this award. If it wasn't for Jesus I'd still be serving baby back ribs at Hooters. Jesus and I were discussing my project and he really guided me...like with the lighting and the set design and my makeup. Read More »

Alex Boonstra's picture

Simile Toast Crunch, The Greatest Cereal on Earth

Three bakers holding Cinnamon Toast Crunch

This is the greatest cereal I've ever eaten. It's crunchy yet smooth; bitter yet sweet. This cereal is like the Civil Rights movement poured into a bowl. If you took every Dragon Force song and added milk, it would be this cereal. Chewing it feels like the scene in King Kong where he battles the T-Rex is unfolding in my mouth. Mmm... Read More »

Brie Stimson's picture

A Public Service Announcement for the Awareness of Unicorns

Unicorn in front of a rainbow

What if unicorns ran the world? Could such a wondrous time exist? I'm sure you ask yourself this every day. I know I do. A time of horses with horns and...well I guess that would really be the only change. But it would still be awesome. Read More »

Eric Ott's picture

A Taste of Hershey Highway

Woman covered in chocolate

I had never had a one-night stand...until last night. I awoke this morning a new man, proudly admiring the brown stain splattered across the ceiling. I had finally sealed the deal, but not just that, I boned like a rock star. The leftovers told the tale of a heroic evening, for there were remnants of a night filled with X-rated debauchery everywhere. Read More »



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