In a move that shocked the drinking game world, sophomore Lance Williams inked a three-year, $12 million deal with campus fraternity Omega Tau Beta.
Williams, widely considered beer pong’s top prospect, chose to remain independent his freshman year in an attempt to "work on his fundamentals" and "have a normal college experience."
"I wasn’t quite getting the arc on my shot that I wanted," said Williams, "so I spent some time doing some drills, and really clearing my head."
In addition to his arc shot, Williams is also noted for his exceedingly fast "laser shot" and an incredibly accurate bounce. "I have a pretty bad ass bounce," said the newly signed fraternity brother, "it’s pretty sick."
Many in the beer pong community were thrown off guard by the expensive deal signed by Omega Tau Beta. Fraternity President Derek Logan, however, was unfazed. "Yes, we’re spending twelve million dollars over the next three years on Lance, but, money ain’t nothin’ to a thug. Besides, my dad owns a Quiznos franchise, so we’re totally set."
Not everyone, however, is as excited as Logan. Zeta Chi Alpha President Alex Howell was reported to have called the signing "lame" and "totally bogus" as he left a press conference in his fraternity basement earlier this morning.
Thoughts of increased wins, or even a championship aside, Logan seems most excited about the expected increase in attendance for Williams’ games. "There’s gonna be a lot of people trying to watch this season’s games, but we’ve got rules, you know? Like, seriously, there can’t be too many dudes, sausage fests suck."
STDs picked up during summer training threaten to sideline major beer pong stars like Chad Murphy.Questions remain, however, about Williams’ eventual teammate. While no official partner has been named yet, rumors have been circulating that the rising star will be paired with beer pong veteran, senior Chad Murphy.
Murphy, notorious for his personality, was characteristically opinionated on the subject: "Chad Murphy isn’t concerned about anyone but Chad Murphy. Listen, Chard Murphy plays well with others, but he isn’t about to be upstaged by some new kid when Chad Murphy has put his time in. Chad Murphy may play for Omega Tau Beta, but he really plays for Chad Murphy, ya hear?"
Yet even with possible issues arising both within and outside of the Omega Tau Beta team, Lance Williams is still set to supplement his salary with what could top $30 million in endorsements. While not confirmed, Williams is already said to have inked deals with Nike and Powerade, and is expected to launch his own brand of cologne, "Ode du Natty Ice" later this year.
For now, the proverbial big man on campus is trying to keep it all from going to his head. "I’m just trying to stay healthy, and get prepared for the upcoming season," Williams said.
Derek Logan, on the other hand, is fine with all the excitement. When asked for predictions on the upcoming season, the OTB president responded, "Duuuuudes, partyyyyyy!"