Satire | Page 253 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

20 registers, all manned by 20 identical managers. They turn all at once and, eyes glowing yellow, sing “Derrick’s not here! Derrick’s not here!”

"But look after I beat the display game, I found my kid and bought an entire shelf of Legos out of guilt. Okay?" ---Victor Andrade (Wichita, KS)

It was Lonny (that's what we called Elon) who pulled me from that dead-end mannequin job and gave me an opportunity to attend SpaceX Academy.

The grass is sparse and mowed sporadically at best, and the soil tastes flat. The view is fine, but nearby freeway noise is deafening.

Sell and then shake 'em down for dirt on their dealer. There's only room for one dirty cop and one dirty Girl Scout troop in this neighborhood.

While not a standout diplomat by any means, there was always the fear of Tillerson putting together a semi-competent performance.

To: Juliet Miller <[email protected]> Subject: Your Last Chance to Get Up On This

It’s like being teleported to any Texaco lavatory in the tri-county area without having to leave the comfort of your living room!

Daniel Day-Lewis really brought it in Phantom Thread. What he didn’t bring were troublesome rabbits, so my son didn't care for it at all.

A master ball isn’t gonna do it, dumbass. It’s gonna take a brand sponsorship and widespread public interest in your day-to-day bullshit.

Let’s put on some hip-hop and do leg lifts like it’s 2002! Feel the burn. Not #feelthebern. Because really, are the Bernie Bros happy now?

Maybe I should wait for Maisy to realize that anorexia is bad. Maybe I should start a hobby. Maybe I should just crack jokes like usual.