Master Template for Every Championship Sports Interview Ever Given
"I set a goal [NUMBER OF YEARS THE TEAM HAS BEEN TERRIBLE] ago and I was determined to give it [CLICHÉ FROM MOTIVATIONAL KITTEN CALENDAR]."
Tag: Satire
“Excuse Me, Can Any Fellow Emails in This Spam Folder Direct Me to the Inbox, Please?”
“Am I in the spam folder? I gotta get out of here.” “WARNING: YOUR HOUSE IS INFESTED WITH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA.”
Is Pete Buttigieg Gay Enough? If He Can Answer These Questions, He Just Might Be
Question 3. Do you understand the innate joke that lies in calling your supporters the Pete Fleet and are you willing and able to joke about it?
Why Nope to Me Being Pope?
Despite the obstacles--not learning Latin, being married, wearing a sombrero with “I'm the POPE!” in neon letters--in my heart I didn't lose.
I Tried Cryotherapy and Now I’m a Stone Cold Bitch
Bonjour, Karen who sits next to me at work. I know how much you judge me for eating peanut butter out of the jar with a fork during lunch.
Goodbye to “All That”: By Kenan Thompson in 2001
Someone once said that "All That" is for the very young and the same people when they’re 28 and nostalgic. For me, "All That" is a moment in time.
The Galactic Empire Could Benefit From Some Cultural Sensitivity Training
I’m an Ewok, you idiot. Not a Wookiee. Do all intelligent, bipedal, brown, hairy non-humans look the same to you?
Optimize Your Originality by Copying Famous Creatives’ Daily Habits
Immanuel Kant (1724-1804): Awoken by spousal uppercut at 6:30, the philosopher began an impressive washing regimen; Kant felt his mind was sharpened by pouring pitchers of cold water over himself.
Elton John™ LEGO® Sets are Finally Here!
"Elton John™ Gets Knighted Pack" Are you prepared to meet LEGO® Queen Elizabeth II as she knights LEGO® Elton John? Enter LEGO® Buckingham Palace!
Leaked Emails of a Hollywood Executive Desperately Pitching a Coen Brothers Cinematic Universe
How about this: It’s 2000 in LA, and Walter Sobchak & The Dude are bowling, when who should walk in, but none other than Marge Gunderson!
A Conversation Pretending I Know What a Mortgage Is
Claire, who had 14 bridesmaids, each of whom eats half of their late night Chicken Fajita wrap treat and puts the other in the fridge: “Wait, what?”
The Real Reason Christians Give Things Up for Lent
The devil tempted Him, offering Jesus the remote, the devil said to him, “take this, and you may binge watch Game of Thrones.”