A potentially devastating terrorist attack on Maracana Stadium is thwarted when Usain Bolt reaches out to ISIS leaders and makes things right.
It's the most demanding, stressful, scary, humbling, embarrassing and brutally honest test of your strength of character and ability to fight through pain to finish a race.
Men out there, I ask you: Would you rather marry Miss California or win 18 Olympic Gold Medals in swimming? We know these truths to be self-evident.
They don't call it 'the big O' for nothing. That's right, it's all the excitement of the Olympics balled up into one tantalizing acrostic.
Synchronized swimming and shotput? Please, spare us. Positive drug test relay and terrorism bingo? That's more like it.