Excerpts from the Support Group for Teachers Who Have Eaten Elmer’s Glue
"I figured it must be secretly tangy and delicious, like key lime pie yogurt. So, yeah, I tried it. I'm not proud of it, but I did."
"I figured it must be secretly tangy and delicious, like key lime pie yogurt. So, yeah, I tried it. I'm not proud of it, but I did."
You’re probably taking a hard look at yourself, reeling with guilt at the thought of all the poor, innocent, mother mosquitos you’ve smooshed.
“What’s the deal with @Massasoit contradicting himself everytime he mentions me in a tweet or talks to the press?”
There's no catch, except that I'm going to be making sure you check each and every one of those little "D" boxes on your ballot, you hetero freaks.
Things had escalated quickly. "The man is messing with you, Leonard. Maybe she dared him. Get out there and get his goddamn order, goddamnit!"
Although, speaking of our actual bodies, you should absolutely look a gift horse in the mouth. You can tell a horse's age by looking at its teeth.
I thought that I was the king of murders that helped me achieve a sense of fulfillment, but it turns out I’m actually the king of awkward.
If your friend's team was the one that eliminated your team, tell them they can see you at your funeral.
Please insert your chip into the card reader. Please please insert your card. Please please please. Please society. Please the machine. Chip card.
Chesney stormed out of the gate, inhaling what must've been 25-30 wings in the first two minutes. Drums, flats, didn't matter.
That classic ah-choo is so familiar sounding. That choo-choo that comes from toy trains you used to have as a child? Now that’s a cute time.
You can never go wrong with pizza, eggs, sushi, unicorn foods, pizza, pasta, rosé, ramen, tacos, or pizza.