College Quotes
Frank: Nothin' Jon, my mom just said we were gay because we've been talking on the phone for more than 30 seconds.
Jon: We have been talking for 20 minutes.
Frank: OH MY GOD! I FEEL LIKE GOING TO A STEAKHOUSE AND ORDERING SALAD!
Jon: AH! I FEEL LIKE GETTING A PEDICURE!
Frank: NO! TURN THE TV TO FOOTBALL CHANNEL!
Jon: Good thing I have a copy of Playboy right here. Shit, was I on speakerphone?
-Combatting homosexuality the only way possible
Books from PIC
278 pages of Nathan DeGraaf's hilarious snippets and LSD-laced story-telling, with a foreword by PIC Editor, Court Sullivan.
Buy or download it now!
Newest Members
Welcome to Points in Case
Register as a member now so you can track your comments and submissions, mark your favorites, message PIC readers/writers, and customize your profile. It only takes 5 seconds! (More benefits)
About Nick Gaudio
Hometown
Cumberland, Maryland
School
West Virginia University
At a Glance
Nick Gaudio attended THE West Virginia University. There, he was editor-in-chief of Calliope, the award-winning undergraduate literary journal. In his spare time, Nick liked to write, read, and show off his penis. He is currently working on a novel that incorporates all of these.
Recent Comments
50 People I Fucking Hate
Posted February 26th, 2007 by Nick Gaudio
Here's a list of people I hate, including a little some special for you, if you're that person.
1. People who spend more than 3 minutes at the fucking ATM machine.
It's not a fucking TI-83. You are not plotting functions. Get your money or get the fuck out of line.
2. Hot girls who ruin their hotness by wearing Ug boots.
You are not a Norse God, whore.
3. Jersey fags who have pencil-thin facial hair around their jawline.
Joisee sucks ma fuckin' nuts. BA-DA-BING.
4. Guys who wear hats with stickers still on them.
Fuck the Yankees and fuck you too.
5. Uber-Christian girls.
If we're ALL sinners, then why the fuck are you giving me shit about my drinking habits? You take it in the ass. I don't care if he's your husband. It's still sodomy. You're still "sinning." So, I'll see you in hell. And guess what? It'll be awesome.
6. People who don't smoke and care that I do.
Are you my mother?
Oh you are? That's a funny joke...
Well I would've thought this fine specimen would've been birthed from better genes.
7. People who cheat at Monopoly.
I know why you like to be the banker, asshole.
8. Dudes who get excited when you hit on their girlfriend.
Don't come up and try to hit me because I flirted with your bitch. Hit your bitch because she was responding to my flirting.
9. Gas station attendants.
GET A FUCKING JOB.
10. Fred Durst
GET A FUCKING JOB.
11. People who argue about which beer tastes better.
Everybody has their own fucking tastes. If dude likes natty; dude likes natty.
12. People with no sense of humor.
Read How to beat your wife
13. Anybody who has ever said rap is the best genre of music.
Consider this: mayonnaise has a higher IQ than you do.
14. Coffee shop faggots who wear turtlenecks and square-framed glasses and bring their Apple Laptops so that they can appear intelligent.
You're a contrived piece of shit.
15. Linkin Park fans.
You're not tough. You're an idiot.
16. Flamboyantly gay dudes.
It's fine to be gay; I have gay friends. I'll be damned, though, if I have to listen to you talk to those sorority sluts about your favorite episodes of Dawson's Creek, or how nice a warm dick feels in your mouth. Have some fucking class.
17. Kevin Pittsnogle.
Where is he now? Where is he now? Where is he now?
Answer: TRAILER PARK.
18. Most of the people from high school.
I'm not coming to the reunion. Why? Because I'm better than you.
19. Militant black people.
I'm not racist. However, you won't see me going around blaming a general group of people for the fall of humanity. (Well, see #30)
20. Fat women who call themselves "hefty hunnies" "thick" or "curvacious."
You're FAT. You're FAT. You're FAT.
21. People who have a problem with the fact that I own a cat.
My CAT doesn't shit on my carpet or try to hump my leg. How about that dog you've got? Like getting pissed on? Do you need constant affection? I'm used to dealing with bitches and cats are the bitchiest of animals.
22. Professors who want you to repeat exactly what they said back to them in a paper.
You're a doctor, aren't you secure enough with yourself that you don't need to get your fucking ego stroked by 80 students?
23. Girls who call men "complicated."
WE ARE NOT COMPLICATED. IF WE ONLY COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE DRUNK, WE JUST WANT TO FUCK. IF WE ONLY CALL YOU WHEN WE WANT TO FUCK, WE HAVE NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO YOU. WE DO NOT RESPECT YOU.
24. The Owners and Operators of Dontdatehergirl.com
Read this
25. Pussy-whipped friends.
Stop getting pissed if we make fun of you because all you do is hang out with your girlfriend. Stop getting pissed if we make fun of you for telling us how much you love her. There are rules to friendship and we are only abiding by them. In two months, she'll suck some Frat Guy's dick and break your heart. We don't enjoy seeing you cry. Or well, we sorta do.
26. Crooked mechanics.
I knew I could find a wheel for my car cheaper than $500, you slimy bastard. You better hope that when the world ends, I don't see you as I'm carrying my fucking flame-thrower around Morgantown.
27. Crackhead bums.
No you can't have a cigarette. No, you can't suck my dick for 4 dollars...well...wait a second...
28. Girl comedians.
You're not funny.
29. Plagiarists.
You're an asswipe.
30. Jews
You caused the fall of humanity. Sweet. (heh, jk. I love Jewish people; they bum me money with pretty good interest)
31. The "I'M YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD FRIEND-TYPE, FRIENDLY GUY, GUYS!" Dude.
HAVE A FUCKING OPINION, GODDAMNIT. STOP KISSING EVERYONE'S ASS. I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A OVERLY TACTFUL PUSSY. DO SOMETHING WITH YOURSELF. STOP LETTING PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU. GROW A SPINE. GROW A DICK. GROW SOMETHING, FOR CHRIST SAKE.
32. The "I'M GOING TO ACT INTERESTED IN EVERYTHING YOU SAY BECAUSE I'M A NICE GIRL!" Girl.
Oh, so you like Nirvana too? A lot? Really? What's your favorite album? You don't know an album by Nirvana, yet you like them that much? Not one? C'mon...Bleach? Nevermind? In utero? Anything? Wow, you're a phony bitch. I hate you.
33. The "Obvious Joke" guy.
Nobody thinks you're funny. You're not saying anything interesting if we all thought it in the first place. Using a "pussy" joke when talking about a cat? FUCKING HILARIOUS! Oh, and that one time you called that Richard guy "Dick" and laughed for ten minutes straight? THAT WAS COMIC FUCKING GENIUS MAN.
34. People who say "drink it!" if the beer pong ball accidentally goes in the water cup.
THE JOKE IS OLD. THE JOKE IS OLD. THE JOKE IS OLD. AND SO ARE YOU. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
35. Motherfuckers who steal ipods.
"I’ll liquefy your nose with a corroded soldering gun and give it to a bum on the street so he can trade it for some scotch or Keno. You might not be able to smell, taste or see, but you’ll be able to listen to my playlists: “Bubble Bath Jams” and “The Best of REO Speedwagon.” Exactly what you wanted, eh motherfucker?"
36. Guys who play John Mayer covers at Open Mic night.
WRITE AN ORIGINAL PIECE. WE KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT TO GET PUSSY. JOHN MAYER SUCKS AND YOUR LITTLE ACOUSTIC BULLSHIT ISN'T COOL EITHER. IT WASN'T COOL IN 99. IT ISN'T COOL NOW.
37. People who still support George W. Bush.
You are the reason this country has turned to shit in the last seven years. I believe you should be lined up in front the world's largest firing squad and shot 4 times. One in each kneecap. One in the dick/pussy. One right between the eyes.
38. People who say they like jazz and don't know anybody but John Coltrain.
You're a phony son-of-a-bitch. Why don't you go and suck off #14? You'd go perfectly together.
39. The lesbian girl who sits in the front of my American Lit class, overpronounces her L's, and overaccentuates every syllable to seem intelligent.
We're forming a small alliance to kill you. It's growing larger by the day.
40. People who think poetry is for faggots.
I'm down for a knife fight, call me when you're not too busy staying in the closet.
41. Credit card companies who call me looking for money.
No, I'm not here.
42. Dumbasses.
No, you can't play Asshole if you don't know the rules. No, you can't play Kings if you make fucking retarded rules. No, you can't talk to me; I'm too busy.
43. The DUFF (The dumb, ugly fat friend)
If your friend wants to fuck me, let her. She'd have more fun sucking on a scabby dick than she would listening to your bitching about loneliness.
44. Guys who make up rules MIDGAME OF BEER PONG.
You're a pussy. A fucking sniveling pussy. The rules were established before we played, if you can't handle that, go talk about purses with the girls.
45. Girls who don't say thanks when you hold the door for them.
I didn't hold the door for you so that you could be a raging whore. If there are two doors, I'm going to slam the next one in your ugly fucking grill. That'll teach you to appreciate a little something called courtesy.
46. People who rhyme "love" with "above," "glove," "dove" or "hug" in a poem.
If you want to write emo poems, write them in wrist blood in your bathtub.
47. "Too cool" Older guys in college.
I don't care what frat you're in. I don't care that you pull ugly ass everynight. I don't care how quickly you can drink a beer. You're 29 and still in college. Oh, you're planning on going to law school? Good luck finding a job when you're fuckin 44.
48. Guys who listen to music so loud you can hear it in the library/girls who talk on their cell phone in the library.
I'm studying for a test, goddamnit. I don't care if Zoey and Jimmy broke up. If they're as FUCKING MORONIC as you, I hope they broke up and blew their brains out.
49. The mom who refuses to discipline the screaming brat at the mall.
If you'll notice, I carry a tire-iron with me now. If you don't discipline the little bitch, I will.
50. Probably You.
I just don't like people, and you're probably a person. So, fuck you too.
That's all.
1. People who spend more than 3 minutes at the fucking ATM machine.
It's not a fucking TI-83. You are not plotting functions. Get your money or get the fuck out of line.
2. Hot girls who ruin their hotness by wearing Ug boots.
You are not a Norse God, whore.
3. Jersey fags who have pencil-thin facial hair around their jawline.
Joisee sucks ma fuckin' nuts. BA-DA-BING.
4. Guys who wear hats with stickers still on them.
Fuck the Yankees and fuck you too.
5. Uber-Christian girls.
If we're ALL sinners, then why the fuck are you giving me shit about my drinking habits? You take it in the ass. I don't care if he's your husband. It's still sodomy. You're still "sinning." So, I'll see you in hell. And guess what? It'll be awesome.
6. People who don't smoke and care that I do.
Are you my mother?
Oh you are? That's a funny joke...
Well I would've thought this fine specimen would've been birthed from better genes.
7. People who cheat at Monopoly.
I know why you like to be the banker, asshole.
8. Dudes who get excited when you hit on their girlfriend.
Don't come up and try to hit me because I flirted with your bitch. Hit your bitch because she was responding to my flirting.
9. Gas station attendants.
GET A FUCKING JOB.
10. Fred Durst
GET A FUCKING JOB.
11. People who argue about which beer tastes better.
Everybody has their own fucking tastes. If dude likes natty; dude likes natty.
12. People with no sense of humor.
Read How to beat your wife
13. Anybody who has ever said rap is the best genre of music.
Consider this: mayonnaise has a higher IQ than you do.
14. Coffee shop faggots who wear turtlenecks and square-framed glasses and bring their Apple Laptops so that they can appear intelligent.
You're a contrived piece of shit.
15. Linkin Park fans.
You're not tough. You're an idiot.
16. Flamboyantly gay dudes.
It's fine to be gay; I have gay friends. I'll be damned, though, if I have to listen to you talk to those sorority sluts about your favorite episodes of Dawson's Creek, or how nice a warm dick feels in your mouth. Have some fucking class.
17. Kevin Pittsnogle.
Where is he now? Where is he now? Where is he now?
Answer: TRAILER PARK.
18. Most of the people from high school.
I'm not coming to the reunion. Why? Because I'm better than you.
19. Militant black people.
I'm not racist. However, you won't see me going around blaming a general group of people for the fall of humanity. (Well, see #30)
20. Fat women who call themselves "hefty hunnies" "thick" or "curvacious."
You're FAT. You're FAT. You're FAT.
21. People who have a problem with the fact that I own a cat.
My CAT doesn't shit on my carpet or try to hump my leg. How about that dog you've got? Like getting pissed on? Do you need constant affection? I'm used to dealing with bitches and cats are the bitchiest of animals.
22. Professors who want you to repeat exactly what they said back to them in a paper.
You're a doctor, aren't you secure enough with yourself that you don't need to get your fucking ego stroked by 80 students?
23. Girls who call men "complicated."
WE ARE NOT COMPLICATED. IF WE ONLY COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE DRUNK, WE JUST WANT TO FUCK. IF WE ONLY CALL YOU WHEN WE WANT TO FUCK, WE HAVE NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO YOU. WE DO NOT RESPECT YOU.
24. The Owners and Operators of Dontdatehergirl.com
Read this
25. Pussy-whipped friends.
Stop getting pissed if we make fun of you because all you do is hang out with your girlfriend. Stop getting pissed if we make fun of you for telling us how much you love her. There are rules to friendship and we are only abiding by them. In two months, she'll suck some Frat Guy's dick and break your heart. We don't enjoy seeing you cry. Or well, we sorta do.
26. Crooked mechanics.
I knew I could find a wheel for my car cheaper than $500, you slimy bastard. You better hope that when the world ends, I don't see you as I'm carrying my fucking flame-thrower around Morgantown.
27. Crackhead bums.
No you can't have a cigarette. No, you can't suck my dick for 4 dollars...well...wait a second...
28. Girl comedians.
You're not funny.
29. Plagiarists.
You're an asswipe.
30. Jews
You caused the fall of humanity. Sweet. (heh, jk. I love Jewish people; they bum me money with pretty good interest)
31. The "I'M YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD FRIEND-TYPE, FRIENDLY GUY, GUYS!" Dude.
HAVE A FUCKING OPINION, GODDAMNIT. STOP KISSING EVERYONE'S ASS. I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A OVERLY TACTFUL PUSSY. DO SOMETHING WITH YOURSELF. STOP LETTING PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU. GROW A SPINE. GROW A DICK. GROW SOMETHING, FOR CHRIST SAKE.
32. The "I'M GOING TO ACT INTERESTED IN EVERYTHING YOU SAY BECAUSE I'M A NICE GIRL!" Girl.
Oh, so you like Nirvana too? A lot? Really? What's your favorite album? You don't know an album by Nirvana, yet you like them that much? Not one? C'mon...Bleach? Nevermind? In utero? Anything? Wow, you're a phony bitch. I hate you.
33. The "Obvious Joke" guy.
Nobody thinks you're funny. You're not saying anything interesting if we all thought it in the first place. Using a "pussy" joke when talking about a cat? FUCKING HILARIOUS! Oh, and that one time you called that Richard guy "Dick" and laughed for ten minutes straight? THAT WAS COMIC FUCKING GENIUS MAN.
34. People who say "drink it!" if the beer pong ball accidentally goes in the water cup.
THE JOKE IS OLD. THE JOKE IS OLD. THE JOKE IS OLD. AND SO ARE YOU. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
35. Motherfuckers who steal ipods.
"I’ll liquefy your nose with a corroded soldering gun and give it to a bum on the street so he can trade it for some scotch or Keno. You might not be able to smell, taste or see, but you’ll be able to listen to my playlists: “Bubble Bath Jams” and “The Best of REO Speedwagon.” Exactly what you wanted, eh motherfucker?"
36. Guys who play John Mayer covers at Open Mic night.
WRITE AN ORIGINAL PIECE. WE KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT TO GET PUSSY. JOHN MAYER SUCKS AND YOUR LITTLE ACOUSTIC BULLSHIT ISN'T COOL EITHER. IT WASN'T COOL IN 99. IT ISN'T COOL NOW.
37. People who still support George W. Bush.
You are the reason this country has turned to shit in the last seven years. I believe you should be lined up in front the world's largest firing squad and shot 4 times. One in each kneecap. One in the dick/pussy. One right between the eyes.
38. People who say they like jazz and don't know anybody but John Coltrain.
You're a phony son-of-a-bitch. Why don't you go and suck off #14? You'd go perfectly together.
39. The lesbian girl who sits in the front of my American Lit class, overpronounces her L's, and overaccentuates every syllable to seem intelligent.
We're forming a small alliance to kill you. It's growing larger by the day.
40. People who think poetry is for faggots.
I'm down for a knife fight, call me when you're not too busy staying in the closet.
41. Credit card companies who call me looking for money.
No, I'm not here.
42. Dumbasses.
No, you can't play Asshole if you don't know the rules. No, you can't play Kings if you make fucking retarded rules. No, you can't talk to me; I'm too busy.
43. The DUFF (The dumb, ugly fat friend)
If your friend wants to fuck me, let her. She'd have more fun sucking on a scabby dick than she would listening to your bitching about loneliness.
44. Guys who make up rules MIDGAME OF BEER PONG.
You're a pussy. A fucking sniveling pussy. The rules were established before we played, if you can't handle that, go talk about purses with the girls.
45. Girls who don't say thanks when you hold the door for them.
I didn't hold the door for you so that you could be a raging whore. If there are two doors, I'm going to slam the next one in your ugly fucking grill. That'll teach you to appreciate a little something called courtesy.
46. People who rhyme "love" with "above," "glove," "dove" or "hug" in a poem.
If you want to write emo poems, write them in wrist blood in your bathtub.
47. "Too cool" Older guys in college.
I don't care what frat you're in. I don't care that you pull ugly ass everynight. I don't care how quickly you can drink a beer. You're 29 and still in college. Oh, you're planning on going to law school? Good luck finding a job when you're fuckin 44.
48. Guys who listen to music so loud you can hear it in the library/girls who talk on their cell phone in the library.
I'm studying for a test, goddamnit. I don't care if Zoey and Jimmy broke up. If they're as FUCKING MORONIC as you, I hope they broke up and blew their brains out.
49. The mom who refuses to discipline the screaming brat at the mall.
If you'll notice, I carry a tire-iron with me now. If you don't discipline the little bitch, I will.
50. Probably You.
I just don't like people, and you're probably a person. So, fuck you too.
That's all.
15 Comments
20. Fat women who call themselves "hefty hunnies" "thick" or "curvacious."
You're FAT. You're FAT. You're FAT.
THANK YOU. the populus is being WAYYY too kind to fat chicks. obesity should not be embraced, it should be riduculed. praising someone for being a lard ass and telling them its ok only encourages others to think its ok to weigh 300lbs. with there being so many fat fucks, skinny chicks like me are becoming fewer and fewer. so few in fact, that society views us as unhealthy because we arent ballooning out like the goodyear blimp. praise you gaudio!! you're doing america a great service. fat chicks won't listen to other chicks when they tell them that lard and cellulite is unattractive, it has to come from men, so please...continue.
That's a lot of hate man,
Heather...Good Form.
Gaudio I understand that life is tough for you and all being one hard, poetry writing nympho. (I swear that sentence could be more fucked up in terms of grammar, but i just don't care) But learn a lil lovin man. Think of the guys that stay up all night popping caffeine tablets to make sure there is beer near you 24/7. There is good in the world maybe a follow up piece?
Anyway I laughed pretty hard at this one.
You forgot Fat Chicks who think all skinny girls are sluts. They're a menence to today's society. (Wouldn't 28 make me bland?)
Sometimes, I can't decide if you're a bad ass or a pussy.
If we ever meet in real life, I promise to say "thank you" if you hold the door open, pinky swear.
I like Linkin Park, and I'm pretty sure I could kick your ass. Although that won't make me tough, it will still give me pleasure
my fucking HERO. this is everything a girl could ask for in a list. 'ditto' to every goddamn word. that's right, even #50.
I hate to break it to you, old fooggie, but *cough*
"co·me·di·an(k?-mç'dç-?n)n.:
1.A professional entertainer who tells jokes or performs various other comic acts.
2.An actor in comedy.
3.A writer of comedy.
4.A person who amuses or tries to be amusing; a clown. " *cough*
"comedian." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 27 Feb. 2007. Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/comedian.
Yes, I did site my sources.
3. Jersey fags who have pencil-thin facial hair around their jawline.
Joisee sucks ma fuckin' nuts. BA-DA-BING.
hahahahahahahahahahaha i'm a born and raised jersey girl right in the heart of guido land and i can't stand that look... they look so ridculouly stupid and for some reason girls just love it, glad to know the rest of the country is laughing at them
Amazing, simply amazing. There's only a few that I haven't run into, but I'm sure I'd agree with you since I agree with all on your list. I might have a few extra, but that's coming from a girl who works at a Student Center, so there's even more breeds of ass-fucks. So glad someone finally put into a list every person that just pisses me off to no end.
This top 50 is great because it doesn't rip you off. Usually, you only get a top 10 or 20 or some other bullshit like that. Plus, this is fucking hilarious. But the only thing is #16....I don't know how true for girls, because one of the greatest things is being around a really fucking flaming guy. Seriously-- I LOVE it. Fucking LOVE it.
I agree with some, not all. Cats are not bitchy. They must just not like you. They are smarter than dogs though I will admit. Peace. PS - I hate emo haircuts. You look like a fucking idiot. Please close your myspace account and kill yourself for the love of humanity.
Each and everyone of you need professioal help. The person that made the comment I will see you in Hell, you haven't read revelations, have you? Once you are in hell there is no turning back.I would read what it says first before I make a immature and crazy statement like that. You sound like you have no education, no morals, and no humor about you. And you had the nerve to say you hate people that has no humor. Look in the mirror.
"People who call other people assholes usually are."
-Charles Bukowski
51. Pathetic Christian people who envoke their ridiculous religious opinions on you, because they are actually stupid enough to still believe in something called hell and heaven! (which essentially is not less of a fucking fairy-tale than all other stories meant to scare you when you were little; like the boogie-man and such).
52. Annoying Atheists who envoke their 'nothing-happens-when-you-die' shit on everyone when they get fed up with religiously fanatic people (yes you are) like Mr./Mrs. Anonymous from August 4. 2007.
53. People who continue lists which were fine as they were.
54. People who don't stop continuing lists despite the fact that they already acknowledged how irritating it is.
55. People who tell people who tell other people that they hate them, that they are really just 'hating themselves' (mr. Bukowski).
And so on.. :-)
That was some concise hating!!!! (referring to Mr. Gaudio, not that queer post above me)
Meh. Sarah Silverman annoys me to no end -- not only is she not funny, her "jokes" are all lazy and shy from avg. I am sorry, but no matter what Maxim, Stuff, etc. say about her, she ain't all that aesthetically pleasing either, she’s just another horse-face overpaid jew who needs to stay within the dark reaches of society. The only reason why "hotness" has ever been associated with her is because that aspect is pushed down our throats by generally ugly male comedians like 'Adam Carolla' and that fat piece of shit Jimmy Kimmell she’s nailing, and all other douche baggins conquering media alike.
While I do give you props that female comedians are NOT FUNNY, make one acception; your fellow Italiana in the hizouse – and she’s not really a "girrrl". She’s some fat arrogant bitch that’ll send you into fits of laughter - her name would be Lisa Lampanelli, she goes out in the most devastating fashion ripping on blacks, fags, Mexicans, jews, it’s awesome!
(I’m to the left, by the way, but I find racist jokes quite appetizing)
WATCH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7Sp24TlWAM
It's fire!
Wow. You're retarded. Can we say self-important bastard?
Although, I do agree that girl comedians aren't funny and fat girls should just accept it.
Just so you know, the reason people care that you smoke is not because they care about your well being. The world will probably be a better place after you give yourself cancer and die. Seriously, harm your body all you want. The problem with smoking is that it forces poison on other people who have already chosen not to kill themselves slowly.
So fuck you, asshole.
Post new comment