Throw Baby from a Chrysler

What the hell is happening with women in this fucking country?

According to random internet surfing, a 10 month old baby was thrown from a moving car by three women who carjacked another woman's vehicle.

That's right, there was a crime involving four women and a baby and it had nothing to do with a sale at Bed Bath and Beyond. I am shocked and appalled and mortified and possibly even a little turned on.

The greatest thing about women in America is that our women are great athletes and workers, dedicated to proving that they are equal to men in everything that they do. The problem is that men don't do a lot of stuff that really needs to be duplicated by the other half of America's population.

I mean, think about it.

Men go to war. Ladies, you can come if you want, but really, it's not necessary.

Men play sports. Ladies, you can play sports if you want?it's even kind of cute when you do?but really, as the ratings will attest, it's not necessary.

Men light their farts, challenge each other to drinking contests and get in detailed arguments about the significance of Astroturf and the designated hitter. Women are welcome to try all of this stuff, but they shouldn't. I mean, they really, really shouldn't.

Men steal cars and throw children out the windows. Women, I mean really, do you think we need more people doing this?

Oh yeah. Apparently you do.

Now, growing up, I had a friend (read: acquaintance) named Jeff. Jeff stole a lot of cars. It was kind of his thing. One night, I was sitting on my back porch, inhaling the flavor of something important to me at the time, when Jeff drove up in a brand new Jaguar.

After parking the car and walking up to join me on the porch, Jeff said, "This dude just left his keys in his Jag. You believe that?"

I did believe that. But only because the steering column wasn't busted.

A few months later, while we were camping in the Ozarks, Jeff told me a story about a guy he "knew" who robbed a car with a baby in it. He said that the dude was just tooling along around the streets of St. Louis in his freshly taken automobile when he heard a baby crying from the back seat.

According to Jeff, "Dude freaked and drove the car to nearest firehouse and dropped the baby off on the front porch. It took three days for the parents to find the little guy again."

"Why didn't he just bring the car back?" asked my buddy Chase.

"Probably didn't want to go to jail," said Jeff.

And he shrugged.

And we all shrugged.

Because we're men and we don't care about much.

And I would love to believe that had there been a woman camping with us, she would have been extremely appalled by this story.

But apparently, there are about three women out there in the world who have treated a baby worse than Jeff the Car Thief's "buddy".

And women, we just can't have that. I know y'all do a great job whipping your men into caring people, but it's all bullshit and appearances. Men have to be taught to care about life. For y'all, it's supposed to be inherent.

So if this baby tossing shit is a sign of things to come in the future, well, I'm just wondering: who'll be in charge of giving a shit about living beings around these parts?

Because it sure as hell won't be me.

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