Observations on my 620th Post

Ladies and gentleman, the Boston Red Sox are your 2007 American League Champions. And there ain't a damn thing you can do about it, losers. Personally, I'm looking forward to watching Manny Ramirez play in the snow in Denver. Twenty bucks says that at some point in The Series, Ramirez misses a fly ball because he's busy catching snowflakes on his tongue. Really, it's only a matter of when.

In case you hadn't heard, Southern California is on fire.

This year I have lost some huge bets. Typically, in a crazy sports year like this, I would have already exhausted several hundred dollars. But thanks to the New England Patriots, I am over one hundred percent in the black. The New England Patriots are a gambler's life vest in an ocean of upsets. God bless us everyone.

Seriously, Malibu is burning as we speak. The least you could do is grab a bucket.

President George W. Bush would like another 42 Billion dollars for his wars. You know, the way this dude just throws around tax money and creates inflation, you'd think he may have been raised without a proper respect for the dollar. I'm just saying...

It's hard to be funny when you're always hungry, which probably explains why I have yet to laugh at an Ethiopian.

Here is a trick God played on me. He made me allergic to cats. He did this because most single women like cats. Therefore I am destined to spend my life putting up with allergies in the name of orgasm. I guess it could be worse. I could have been a Cubs' fan. But still.

This is my 620th post, but time flies so quickly that it really only feels like my 607th.

Every Observations Post, from now until I run out of foods, I am going to give out The Nate Way Healthy Food of the Week Award. The first week's healthy food of the week award goes to Publix 93% fat free ground beef, which, because it is still ground beef, kicks the asses of all other healthy meats. Thank you Publix 93% fat free ground beef, for all your nourishment and tastiness. I don't know where I'd be without you.

I'm not kidding about this, people. Southern California really is on fire. Seriously, this is not a test. Damn place is on fire.

The thing about sobriety is that it gives you the free time to deal with yourself and get to know yourself. So naturally, with this free time, all I ever do is search and find new distractions so that I can completely avoid learning about myself. But the thing is, I don't really want to learn anymore about myself than I already know. At some point in a relationship (even one with yourself), you have to just give the other person a little space, you know?

And finally, because logic and fluidity are taking the week off to find new weekday drinking buddies, I leave you with the following, which was stated by a man named Ronnie:

"If it snows during The World Series, Bud Selig should stop the game, walk out in the middle of the Rockies' Stadium and whip himself to death. I'd pay fifty bucks to see that."

Labels: observations

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