Jesus Would have Worn Number Two

I like to imagine Jesus as a baseball pitcher setting major league records in every pitching category, pitching every three days with a fastball that breaks the sound barrier (so fast that the catcher has to wear a special mitt reinforced with titanium made by NASA), a curve ball that soars to the high heavens and comes crashing down through the strike zone like an atom bomb falling from a war plane, a splitter that cuts through the open air like a slashing knife causing batters to swing and miss by several feet, and a changeup that actually gets slower from the moment it leaves his hand until the moment it arrives at the plate where it causes hitters (or missers, as the case would be) to swing and miss twice on the same pitch, even for the last out of the game, and after the game, I like to imagine Jesus walking off the mound and tipping his hat to a sellout crowd offering him a standing ovation (no matter which city and stadium he happened to be playing in), stopping to sign balls for children and laughing, always laughing and smiling and being ridiculously happy to be adored by all?but never getting haughty?and pleased as punch to be healing sick kids in the stands and on the streets and in hospitals before games, meanwhile turning down every marketing opportunity?even movie offers?out there in the wide world of Selling Out and I like to think that Jesus would have been the best of the best on the diamond, the kind of player that everyone watched, regardless of the country in which they resided or even if they liked baseball or not because none of that could matter because watching him pitch always healed a small part of you, even just watching him on a TV displaying the game from 8,000 miles away would leave you feeling a little better about everything in your crazy, mixed-up life and maybe even cause you to go home and just be a little more loving and caring and compassionate, and maybe after the course of his career, everybody on Earth would be healed and happy and Jesus would get inducted into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, and maybe the person introducing Jesus would, after stating all of Jesus' insanely awesome baseball statistics, say something to the effect of, "and he saved countless lives and the souls of everyone", and I can picture Jesus humbly thanking baseball and all its fans for allowing him the fun and joy of playing a kid's game for a living, but I know that, truth be told, with Jesus' height and build, he probably would have played second base.