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Intelligent Design Flaws EXPOSED!
| By contributing writer Mark Jabo |
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As a scientist, you were expected to know chemical formulas such as H-2-0 (water) or 2-Pac (rapper). People considered scientists to be experts and consulted them on important matters like what kind of hangover you’d get if you mixed lemonade and Jagermeister, or how to set up a crystal meth lab. But alas, Frodo, that was in the olden times.... These days anyone can weigh in as a scientific expert, especially in places like Kansas where “intelligent design” is being taught as part of the science curriculum. The last time the educational bar was set this low was when the Scarecrow got his Doctorate in Thinkology from the Wizard of Oz.
Supporters of intelligent design argue that the universe is so complex and beyond our understanding that it had to be designed by a superior being (like Rush Limbaugh or Barbara Streisand) or super-intelligent aliens (like Henry Kissinger or Salma Hayek). Intelligent design enthusiasts want their ramblings to be presented as an alternative to the science of evolution. The idea here is that one theory is just as good as another, regardless of any supporting evidence. Kind of like Ashlee Simpson being advanced as an alternative to Melissa Etheridge. Or to put it another way: if Paris Hilton had a theory of evolution, it would be intelligent design. Hey, we get it. The universe is amazing and complex. So is a microwave oven. That doesn’t mean it was designed by aliens...although Tom Cruise might give you an argument on that. A cursory examination of the two sides of this debate would seem to favor evolutionary theory. First off, Charles Darwin had a beard. A beard is a good thing when you want to be taken seriously as a scientist. And Darwin's beard wasn't some scruffy, patchy beard like your grandmother has. Darwin had a big, bushy beard that spoke to his stature as a scientist. It was as if he were saying, "If I wasn't an expert in my field, would I really be able to walk around looking like the lead singer of ZZ Top?" In contrast, the evangelical preachers who advance the intelligent design agenda usually sport shiny suits and ties with gigantic knots. Listen, if the knot in your tie is roughly the size of a St. Bernard's head, it is very difficult to be taken seriously on any topic, let alone the origins of the universe. Second, Darwin's book on evolution has a weighty title: On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life. You have to be long-winded just to say the title in one breath. In contrast, the textbook most often proposed for teaching intelligent design is Of Pandas and People. You can’t possibly hope to be taken seriously if your science book has a title with that kind of alliteration. I don’t mean to be picky, here...all I’m saying is the directors of 2 Fast, 2 Furious didn’t try to sell it as a documentary. But the main problem with the view that the universe was created by a superior being is: who created the superior being that created the universe? And who created the superior being who created that superior being? This is what’s known in scientific circles as an infinite regret. As in, “I regret ever trying to have an intelligent discussion with a religious zealot.” Still, the creationists might be right... The world is a magnificent and complex place. We marvel at the color and symmetry of a leaf in autumn. We feel humble when we gaze up at a star-filled night sky. We watch in awe as a sunrise unfolds in wisps of clouds and a symphony of pastels. It would appear as if there is only one conclusion to be drawn from the beauty and intricacy of the universe: god is gay. To quote the The Book of (Elton) John, "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was...FABULOUS!" Furthermore, since the universe is so complex, it is unlikely that only one gay god was involved. Think about it. There are five consultants on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy alone... It’s time we started teaching children that the universe was just too big and too important a task to be assigned to just one god. It just makes sense. You pretty much need a grooming guru and a culture vulture at a bare minimum. You can read all about this controversial new theory in my new book, "Queer Creation for a Nervous Nation." It makes a great gift for that hard-to-buy-for evangelical Christian on your list. So, come on, Kansas. Get with the program. One theory’s just as good as another, isn’t it? |
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26 Comments
fuckin boring!
Yeah... I quit reading at paragraph two...
.......
well...had you read all the way through, you would have seen the humor. I thought it was GREAT!
Yet you took the time to comment...
Ha! I got a kick out of that. Of course, I'm a science geek, so I would. And I had to send this link to a few of my friends, by the way. Nice job! :)
I thought it was awesome.....I hate it when ppl come up with those stupid theories.
Yep that one was funny
Jeroen, The Netherlands
" Hey, we get it. The universe is amazing and complex. So is a microwave oven. "
Using something that was created by an intelligent being to show how the earth was not created by an intelligent being, good job.
<i>" Hey, we get it. The universe is amazing and complex. So is a microwave oven. "</i>
Do you even realize how retarded you sounded when you came up with that crappy analogy?
A microwave wave oven didn't EVOLVE into the microwave oven it is today ...ass.
If you're going to advocate "evolution" make sure you do it right because the crap you wrote here just lost the theory a lot of credibility.
To the commenter immediately below,
If you want to nit pick -- and judging by your comment, you do -- the microwave oven you know today DID evolve into its current form, so to speak. Being an engineering major, I know for a fact that after identifying a problem, you don't just sit down and bust out a flawless prototype in five minutes. It takes several iterations of tweaking various parts of a design before an acceptable final product is realized. This process always takes longer than seven days.
Ass.
OMG, whats up with these people getting so emotional about your article?
I thought it was entertaining. I don't come to your site to be enlightened. I read your articles in much the same fashion I watch the Daily Show, simply for entertainment.
Good Job!
This is how you do it:
<a href="http://www.venganza.org">www.venganza.org</a>
The sad thing is, I'm from Kansas and I agree with about everything you said. And to top it off I'm also Catholic. But, here's the kicker, I'm a medical student and I can't believe people are going to kick out Darwins theory. It seems like everything is created out of theory. Why don't they just drop it and let whichever school teach it how they want it, but if they're going to let religion step in the way of science, I'm going elsewhere. They can apologize to me later when I'm their surgeon. ;)
First, to all those taking this <i></i>way<i></i> too seriously- <b></b>lighten up!<b></b> If you're not looking for humor, i'd highly suggest finding another site.
So anyway, i thought it was funny as hell, especially the "book of (elton) John" comment- "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was- FABULOUS!!" And yes, i'm entirely convinced that the original Fab 5 did in fact design the universe. Although i'm not sure how that explains the religious zealots... must've been an oversight. :D
Anyway, nice work, keep it up!
Well, I grew up in South Carolina. Very Republican...
In my 10th grade high school Biology class (10 years ago), I was taught there were 3 theories of creation: Evolution (void of punctuated equilibrium), Creationism (God), and, believe it or not, Spontaneous Generation (animate objects come from inanimate means).
I now work in a 'hard' science field. It's about time Kansas caught up with the real world. As long as none of the 'theories' overshadows the other, I see no problem with it being taught.
This is much ado about nothing, from my perspective.
Hey, everyone who thinks this article is funny check out lemonparty.org, you'll really get a kick out of it.
The question is, just how drunk was the author of this article when he slung together this rambling chunk of brain-diarrhea?
The idiotic comment about the microwave aside, you talk about who created the intelligent being who created the universe etc etc
Well, then what existed before the big bang? Nothing? Well, then how the hell can something come out of nothing logically or scientifically?
clever article.. i agree, ID's argument that any 2 theories are equally legitimate entirely destroys the core foundation of science - evidence. Furthermore, it's a very hopeless position when they take this "i give up" stance and say the world is way too complex for us to understand, "so i guess something intelligent designed everything, and let's leave it at that". After all, 600 years ago we believed the earth was the center of the universe, but it was through human perserverence that that was disproven, not giving up.
The problem is, that in arguing against intelligent design, you have argued against yourself. Suppose there is a superior being, it needed no other being to create it. There you descend into the mad realm of belief. Simply put, the "God" is infinite. Q.E.D. You cannot prove nor disprove the existence of a higher being. As for the argument of creation. The universe was made from a "big bang?" What created that? What created that? The most basic laws of physics make the existence of this universe impossible if we adhere to them. May I suggest a little Buddhism, Norse Religion (Asa-Tru), and metaphysics. You put forth an argument, but did you want to make one? If so, drop the abuse. If not, pile on more.
Let's face it. Young, progressive, educated people are immersed by no choice of their own into a culture acknowledging the scientific merit of evolution, but to what extent to we really all understand the evidence as individuals? Not well at all. As a graduate in biology, Harvard medical student, and rational thinker, I honestly believe that, regardless of anyone's religious inclinations, accepting the development of life from non-life and matter from non-matter requires as much faith as accepting the idea of a "first cause", "creator", or "god." The academic community has been drastically in error in the past...evolutionary theory is not as rock solid as people think. Let's not blindly accept what we're told.
I think people are thinking to hard. If you want a rock solid argument for or against evolution theory or intelligent design - DO NOT try to find it on pointsincase.com. This is not an academic journal - its a college humor site... the perfect place to find an article mocking those who believe in intelligent design because God said so.
To read Darwin's later work, you would find that he felt everyone had taken his theory completely out of context. What we believe as evolutionary theory, as created by Darwin, is completely false and misinterpreted. If any body believes that they have real evidence in support of Evolution I would like to see it. You should also take the time to actually back this evidence up with legitimate research.
I just don't find where the funny parts in this article are? Did you delete a paragraph...what am i missing? You should hang out with Justin Rebello more...he's much funnier....you are just stupid...not funny....not funny at all...
So many Christians, so few lions.
I like the infinite regret theory.
First thing for those who took this too seriously its just an article. Evolution can work with religion. look at it this way it might be the way god did it. I am not a religious person and i disagree with it. but i can't disprove it either. But i did like the multi god version of intelligent design. it makes as much sense as intelligent design.