My name is Brent Vanguard and I’d like to talk to you about my penis. All my life I’ve been on a quest to have the biggest and best penis in the galaxy. Six months ago, I completed that quest. And I’m going to share my secret with you.

Hentai sex porn scene
Discover the power of the Hentai Demon Sex Realm!
Before I discovered this special, one-of-a-kind penile enhancement system, I was dreadfully ashamed of my member. It was positively tiny! A mere seven and a quarter inches! Pathetic! Why, it was barely bigger than a dildo! It was holding me back, and my sex life was suffering in a big way. Back then I could only pick up B-list strippers, and I could never manage to sleep with more than three different women in the same week. As you can imagine, it was pretty damaging to my ego, and my self-esteem was in the gutter. I felt like a complete loser. Even my Ferrari collection couldn’t cheer me up. But that’s all changed now. And boy, do I have a story for you.

There I was, deep in the heart of Chinatown, when I found a curious little shop tucked away in a deep, dark alley. A wise-looking Asian man was running the place. He was an elderly fellow with a milky eye and a long mustache that made him resemble a catfish. When I told him of my quest, he showed me something called the Six Demon Bag. What’s the Six Demon Bag, you ask? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s power. For your cock. Six Demon Bag gives you Cock Power.

It’s a well-known fact that the number one sexual fantasy among young women today is to be strangled with a penis during orgasm, then cock-whipped unconscious. Naturally, I was skeptical at first. I’d tried everything on the market, and it all left me disappointed. An inch here, an inch there, no more. Why even bother? I asked the old man what was so great about the Six Demon Bag. He told me that the secret ingredient was sorcery.

Well, I called bullshit on that right away. Yet, I was intrigued. What if it really did work? I owed it to myself to at least try it. After all, I had nothing to lose.

So I punched the old man in the stomach and stole the recipe and ingredients, then torched the store. That’s just how Brent Vanguard rolls.

Well I’m here to tell you something: this stuff really works! And I don’t mean it just kind of works, I mean it REALLY works. My cock is more powerful than you could possibly imagine. It’s larger than life. And thanks to my patented formula, you too can experience the pride and joy of owning a monstrously huge trouser snake of your very own. Women will be afraid of you, but in a good way. I think you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, you will soon enough.

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I know what you’re thinking. What’s so special about your penile enhancement super system that makes it better than all the rest? There are literally thousands of other products on the market just like yours with the exact same claims. Think so? Think again.

THIS IS UNLIKE ANY OTHER PRODUCT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. There has never been any penile enhancement super system like this on the market in the history of mankind, anywhere on the planet. Nothing even comes close.

Huge black penis strangles a man
Imagine if masturbation was as easy as giving yourself a hug. Now make this dream a reality!
Each Six Demon Bag Cock Power Super Penis Pill contains a special proprietary blend of rare and exotic ingredients of the absolute highest quality. Ingredients you won’t find in any store. Ginseng? Yohimbe? Tiger blood? Ha! Try powdered unicorn horn, centaur semen, and dragon wang! Guaranteed 99.9% pure.

Hold on a second, Brent. Dragon wang? Yes. Don’t ask how we get it. We just do. But how does dragon wang help MY wang? That’s where the sorcery kicks in.

Brent Vanguard’s Special Patented Six Demon Bag Cock Power Super Deluxe Penile Enhancement Super System contains a very special mixture of quasi-legal psychotropic drugs designed to trigger certain telepathic regions of the brain. This will cause the neurons in your brain to fire synapses in a very specific pattern. That pattern creates a coded message which will summon the Six Cocklords of the Hentai Demon Sex Realm.

Whoa, Brent. I don’t know about all that. This is starting to get a little weird. You want a bigger penis, don’t you? That’s what I thought. Now keep reading.

The Six Cocklords of the Hentai Demon Sex Realm will then gaze deeply into the loins of your soul. If they deem you worthy, they will send a coded response to your psyche in the form of a bizarre erotic dream about your mother having sex with a dead penguin on a burning pirate ship. The dream is always the same.

This will then initiate phase two: the awakening of the dormant alien parasite contained within each Six Demon Bag Super Cock Power Super Pill. For the first four days after the awakening, you will be very, very sick. You may experience fever, vomiting, dizzy spells, diarrhea, nosebleeds, high blood pressure, and hallucinations.

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ON THE FIFTH DAY YOUR PENIS WILL EXPLODE. Still with me? I can sense you’re a little confused right now. Allow me to elaborate. Your old, obsolete, human penis will explode. And you’ll be glad it did. Because on day six…

YOU WILL GROW A NEW PENIS. And not just any penis. No sir. A giant demon tentacle penis. Hey now, wait a minute! That’s not what I— Shut up. There’s no turning back now.

Trojan brand rape-tentacle condom packageIt’s a well-known fact that the number one sexual fantasy among young women today is to be strangled with a penis during orgasm, then cock-whipped unconscious. With a fifteen foot long tentacle penis, you can make her wildest fantasies a terrifying reality! But that’s not all! Each super cock pill has a one-in-five chance of…

BONUS MUTATIONS!

Things like:

  • ? Snake scales
  • ? Suction cups
  • ? Venomous thorns
  • ? Centipede legs
  • ? Fur (colors may vary)
  • ? Glow-in-the-dark neon veins
  • ? The ability to speak
  • ? An eyeball that shoots lasers
  • ? Multiple penises

Still not convinced? Well let me ask you a personal question. Have you ever wanted to destroy a city with your manhood? Of course you have. It’s something that all men and most women think about constantly, but up until now it was just a beautiful, crazy dream. Well let me tell you what I am doing right now at this very moment. I am destroying a hospital with my cock lasers. I can shoot down planes while tit-fucking a school bus. If I had a time machine—which I do—I could rape a dinosaur—which I’ve done. There is nothing on Earth that can withstand the might of my penis. And just think…

ALL THAT POWER COULD BE YOURS. Each bottle contains exactly one pill. Because that’s all you need. The ingredients alone cost over $900,000, but for a limited time only I’m practically giving these babies away at $300,000 a bottle. Act now and I’ll even throw in a free copy of my best-selling book, The Secret of Cosmic Voodoo. Order yours today!

WARNING: In some cases, tentacle penises have been known to strangle their owners in their sleep. This is not common.

Mike Lamb’s new book Jack’s Inferno is now available for your Kindle. Buy it on Amazon now!

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