I have a routine I go through when I open Firefox every day. First,
I comb through a long list of sports news, world news, blogs,
articles, and columns. Then, I move on to deleting emails. And last
but certainly not least, I devote whatever time is necessary to porn
sites, social utilities, and fantasy leagues (porn or otherwise). I
suspect that most of you out there follow a somewhat similar routine
tailored to your own interests. Most of my surfing is aimed at
staying informed about international news, reading writers who are
far better than me, and searching for that one porn clip that
satisfies my current desires. However, there is one aspect of my
daily routine which requires little to no brain activity and yet
provides me with unceasing joy: Facebook.
I'm not going to sit here and break down for you the many different
ways in which I enjoy Facebook. Especially when I can break them down into
categories and get material for multiple columns out of them! So today I want to
talk about one specific aspect of Facebook I enjoy: the pictures.
There are a variety of different aspects to the interaction with pictures on
Facebook, and it starts with your own uploads. Posting pictures from the party
last weekend and dutifully tagging the participants is a task tantamount to
re-indexing the Library of Congress. When you upload the shots of your friend
beer bonging three Natty Lights at a time, you're not just showcasing to the
student body her penchant for binge drinking, you're also documenting for all
the world her ability to control her gag reflex. It's also important to keep on
top of the pictures other people tag you in. Whether the camera caught you
picking your nose or
making out with some Beowulf, it is a flow of information for the public eye
which has to be tightly controlled.
"Watch someone's life progress without having to listen to
them bitch incessantly."
What's even more fun is checking out other
people's photos. Nothing (non-sexual) beats finding someone you went
to high school with, or an old friend you haven't seen in a while.
Sure, it's informative and gratifying to see that the bully from 7th
grade who beat you up now works at Blockbuster and goes to community
college. But you don't start to really feel better about yourself
until you click on his pictures and see he's now fat, balding, and
has an ugly girlfriend. Or how bout the girl you had a huge crush on
in high school who wouldn't give you the time of day who's now a
chode with short hair and an ugly Chihuahua for her only friend. The
satisfaction one can glean from reveling in the shitty lives of
other people who once considered themselves better than you is
endless, not to mention therapeutic.
Much
like
checking the AIM profiles and away messages of people you haven't talked to
in years, you can stay caught up on old acquaintances without the boring tedium
of actually having a conversation with them. Some of my friends have gone on
from school to get married and have kids, or join the armed forces and fight in
Iraq/Afghanistan. One guy I knew actually went to clown college and is now
traveling with Barnum & Bailey Bros. Through the pictures posted on Facebook you
are able to watch their life progress and be there with them through the good
times and the bad, all without having to listen to them bitch incessantly.
Perhaps the best part of pictures on Facebook though, is checking out the
pictures of hot chicks. What gives Facebook a clear advantage in this department
over MySpace or
Webshots, is the fluid nature of the tagging system. So a person’s profile
is loaded not only with the pictures they uploaded, but all the pictures
their friends tagged them in. Thus, it's a virtual compendium of opportunities
to associate yourself with the student body at your school by hand-picking the
people you find interesting or attractive and instantly accessing their entire
cyber-hot network of friends too. This quasi-democratic aspect of the picture
posting cuts down on the ability of any one person to control what pictures are
viewable online and furthermore usually initiates the presentation of the most
risqué pictures available.
Facebook
is a powerful tool for meeting new friends, catching up with old ones, and
finding amateur porn in the process. But the most powerful aspect of its
interactive features is the fact that it allows for large caches of pictures to
be posted and categorized by person, theme, or album. The seamless manner in
which it intertwines profiles, pictures, and the events they are subscribed to
is marvel to behold and by far the most informing aspect of any one person's
presence on the web. No wonder Microsoft bought a 1.6% stake in Facebook for
just under a quarter billion dollars.
By viewing even a handful of pictures you are able to garner more of an
understanding of any one specific person than
watching all their favorite movies, reading all their favorite books, and
taking up all their interests combined. I hope that everyone out their reading
this can accommodate the perusing of Facebook pictures in their daily web
surfing routines like I have in mine.
Next week: A review of the new Facebook features and applets!
