Once upon a time, college kids didn't have such necessities as iPods, Easy Mac, Snuggies, and the Fleshlight. But every few years, some brand new products come along to help today's youth—and everybody else. So I decided to take time out of my busy and celebrity-ish day (really, it's 2:56 a.m.) to invent some new shit for university students and the world. Read More »

Scene: Once again, KC uses his roommate's flux capacitor time machine and infinite recording device. This time he meets Mick Brady, his great-great-grandfather, as Mick exits a boat on Ellis Island after a long journey from Ireland. Read More »

« Back to My Organs and I Snowboard, Part 1

KC and the Organ Gang survived the chair lift (he's incredibly terrified of heights). He sits on the peak of a mountain. Now he just needs to survive the actual snowboarding.

KC: Goggles? Read More »

Setup: I recently snowboarded in Vail, which is a lot higher up than my former hometown of Bismarck, North Dakota (by about 8,000 feet). I'm fine in sub-zero temperatures, but I'm terrified of heights. Chair lifts are the biggest reason I'm not a snow bunny.

Read More »

Working in a bar isn't a great job for a music snob. Lucky for me, I'm a music hater. It's not that I hate all music, it's just that I hate most of it. Because let's admit it, most of it sucks. Here's a rundown of the tunes that boil my blood.

Anything with Lady Gaga Read More »

When death finally comes,
To Saint Peter I will tell,
Casey Freeman reporting for duty,
I've served my time in hell. Read More »

People expect me to rip on priests since I attended church as well as Catholic high school, but in fact, most of the priests I know and have known have been really outstanding characters—most of all, a few became some of my closest and funniest friends. Here are a few quotes, stories and exchanges from some of my favorite men of the cloth. Read More »

Scene: A bar where KC hangs out. Some folks are dressed up in colorful party hats, blow on kazoos and such.

KC: Hands, come to Eyes. What time is it?

BRAIN: We just checked the time. Who cares?

(Eyes check out wristwatch) Read More »

My friend Pablo Honey and I were taking a bath together yesterday, and I dropped my newest iPhone in my coffee mug of PBR. Pablo Honey laughed so hard his mustache accidentally hit my left testicle. Luckily, I was still wearing my acid wash jeans in the tub. Anyway, I can't tweet any more. So I thought I'd just write down some of my thoughts the old fashioned way. Read More »

There are a few rumors that Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is next to be aborted by dipstick Hollywood idiots. Why do they have to keep remaking good movies? Why can't they just make everybody happy and give shitty movies a redo? Read More »

My name is KC, and I'm a carnivore. (Hi, KC.)

Actually, I guess since I eat heaps of fruits and vegetables, that would make me an omnivore. Either or, I eat meat. It's something I've always done. I've quit here and there for health, religious, or the helluvit reasons, but it's just part of what I do. I'm not one of these, "Geez, you're a vegetarian? How do you live with yourself?" people. Read More »

My roommate recently constructed a flux capacitor. I thought it was a blender, so as I made my early morning protein shake, I accidentally sent myself back to the past. What a coincidence, the time machine sent me to Bismarck, North Dakota to meet myself as a high school senior. Here's the transcript (my roommate also invented a flawless recording device)... Read More »

I've been in the bartending business for about ten years. People ask me who the coolest people are, where the big tippers come from, and if I can tell if somebody is fun or not. The reality is, all people are different, even within their little groups. But the ultra-reality is that some people are fun and some aren't. Worst of all, some people think they're fun. Read More »

Since I'm on the go and can't be bothered to carry a notebook with me and never thought to buy a portable voice recorder, I send text messages to myself to remind me of column ideas or jokes that I think are funny. But the truth is, most of the time I text myself, I'm in that twilight area between sleep and consciousness. Or I'm really wasted. Read More »

The Setup

Lunch break time during one of my summer jobs—at the time I worked as a professional mover in Denver.

The Players

Jay: Old white guy. Swears a lot. Read More »