So I go to (and write about) a lot of weddings. Many of my friends paired off. At least to my Minnesota friends, my wedding is kind of a running joke. Read More »

Alright, I know I write way too much about weddings, but I should have produced at least three more columns about weddings, or at least, the weddings I was supposed to go to.

To read about my drunken escapades with My Kids at Tito's wedding, check this out. Read More »

Since shattering my fourth cervical vertebrate I've received an outpouring of love, but no loving. My faithful "friend with benefits" is on the other side of the country and I'm left here in Colorado with nothing but ex-girlfriends and no hot prospects. Read More »

(KC's cell phone wakes him up early on a Saturday morning. He slumbers with his mobile because he's super-duper-important. He's asleep in his emperor-sized bed with 9,000 thread count sheets.)

KC (answering his cell): "What the hell do you want, WAM?" Read More »

Nuptials are cool, fun and so "in" these days.

I've done my share of making fun of weddings, brides, grooms and the act of marriage thus far. Ridiculing happy people (whether they're really happy or not) is fun and easy. But the other side of wedding bliss is a cruel and ugly fate: being old and single. Read More »

(KC rides the luxurious subway to Midtown during a beautiful NYC morning.)

NOSE: It smells icky.

JUNK: Eyes, check out that girl's ass. Yeah, yeah. Good. Brain, save it. Oh look, she's turning around. Get ready to... Read More »

You may not know it, but my skin is home to some of the most amazing tattoos you've never seen. Unless you've seen me naked; then you've seen them. When I wear shorts or a tank top people compliment me all the time. They think I'm a geek, but I hear a lot of good things.

And before you ask questions, here are the answers: Read More »

Dirty Mike and I only enforced one rule when we were home: no shirts. Now let me say this once: my former roommate and I both really like vaginas and not man-ass. But while we were home we just liked to walk around without t-shirts. Mind you, we never chilled out naked, except for the times we'd catch each other banging chicks. Read More »

Close all the windows in your bathroom. Re-plumb the pipes so your sewage heats up and shoots from your shower head. Turn on all the taps releasing full-heated doodoo water. Throw up a few times and leave some old Ethiopian food and fried chicken to fester.

Is it hot? Is it disgusting? Does it smell bad? Good, you're almost there. Read More »

(Scene: KC is asleep in his hip Pee Slope apartment.)

EARS: DUDE, THERE'S A NOISE! DUDE, THERE'S A FUCKING NOISE!!! STOP IT!!!

KC: What is your God damned problem Ears?
EARS: There's a fucking noise!

HANDS (pointing to alarm clock): Right over there! Read More »

Your parents are so much smarter than you. Not because of their educations or life experiences. I mean, they produced you. What a shame.

Your folks found out the secret of life: getting the hell out of the city and into a nice cookie cutter house in the suburbs.

Sure, the big city has it all: culture, food and diversity--but get the hell away before you go nuts. Read More »

Weekly Drunk Text: I'm jealous, make me famous!! Homie p.s. I'm nailing the shit out of a bottle of vodka on my couch -Christy Read More »

« Back to My Organs and I Go on a First Date, Part 1

(Our hero KC and his organs are on their first date with Zee. They are seated at an uber-fancy restaurant making small talk.) Read More »

KC: Okay gang, I've got a date with this really hot chick. Can you please, please behave for me tonight? I don't need another, "Um, I forgot your name but can I get a high five and could you pay for my beer?" date night like last time. Dig it? Read More »

Weekly Drunk Text: Good times good times I had 1 boner so far -Steve O

(Kc is going to four weddings this summer. He finds them to be incredibly adventurous, dangerous and hilarious. Watching his friends submit to the old ball and chain is tough, but the booze helps.) Read More »