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Andrei Trostel's picture

Five Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2015

2015 movie cube

Another year is gone and yet again we leave the past behind us and look to the future, which I'm sure included reading this article about some of the things I'm looking forward to. Shhhh, just go with it and keep reading, it's certainly better than lamenting over the fact that you will never again experience a date with consecutive numbers in your lifetime. Oh, you didn't realize that, well no use crying over it now, let's just move on... Read More »

Simonne Cullen's picture

My Least Favorite Type of Women: Vapid Conversationalists

Three women having a vapid conversation in public

My passport needed to be renewed. I didn't want to do it, but I made an appointment on my day off to meet with the proper authorities. I brought all the required material, fought my way through LA traffic, and arrived 15 minutes before my appointment. I made no plans with friends until well after the agency's 5pm closing time. I brought my iPad, knitting needles, and a brown bag lunch, anticipating an entire wasted day of my life. Read More »

Simonne Cullen's picture

My Parents' Obituary

Simonne Cullen sad with a margarita

It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of Theresa and Larry Cullen. The couple died last week due to a mudslide off an Alabama interstate. Their hostile conversation was recorded on the car's dash cam. It provided insight into their final moments... Read More »

Andrei Trostel's picture

Do They Know It's Christmas on the Moon?

Band Aid Do they know it's Christmas

'Tis the season again for being bombarded with really weird Christmas songs that we all sing along to, but haven't really given the underlying message a second thought. So you know what that means... it's time for overanalyzing another Christmas song that you can NEVER EVER hear again without your mind going to a very dark place. Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

5 Solid Facts That Prove the World is Actually Getting Better

Good News headline on newspaper

"The world is awful and falling apart."
-The Media

"No it's not."
-The World
Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

A Homeschooled Guy Answers All Your Homeschool Questions

Homeschooled boy with nerdy grin

"Cole, what the fuck are you doing?"

My editor-in-chief, Court Sullivan, looked at me in shock as I sat on the impressively large desk he kept situated in his office.

"I'm waiting for you, my friend. Just here to pitch you the idea for my latest article." I hopped off the desk and took a couple of steps forward. Read More »

Andrei Trostel's picture

Top 5 Sexiest Female Demons/Devils

Sexy devil woman with a tail

Nothing says Happy Halloween like scantily clad, horny women who want nothing else than to act sinfully. Halloween is a special time of year that causes people to behave and act in ways that are seemingly out of character and downright evil. Or are they? Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

3 of Life's Greatest Mental Roadblocks: Racism, Astrology and Your Attitude

Two racist children sitting on the moon

Racism is on its way out.

That's actually a fairly inflammatory statement, as people in many parts of the world, and even in our own country (the United States as of the time of this writing, in case any of my future actions cause me to flee to a country that doesn't share extradition treaties with the US) can attest to, racism is very much a real problem, and even a threat. Read More »

Nathan DeGraaf's picture

Your Guide to Having Fun in Ferguson

Amuse bouche served on a plate

Ferguson, Missouri has been in the news a lot lately. Apparently, someone was shot there. This is usually not that big a deal. People get shot in Ferguson all the time. I'm pretty sure they teach a class on the best ways to shoot people at nearby (unaccredited) Normandy High School. Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

6 Cover Songs That Blow the Original Away

Amuse bouche served on a plate

Cover songs usually kind of fucking suck. And if you disagree, then you're either wrong and ugly, or, like most of the world, you only remember the few cover songs that have stuck around precisely because they were really good, and have ignored the literally hundreds of shitty covers that have fallen by the wayside. And ugly. Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

Simple Recipes to Impress the Person You Want to Bang: Amuse Bouche

Amuse bouche served on a plate

"The fuck is amuse bouche?" you may find yourself asking. As well you should, unless you're French, because it's a French term, and you would be really bad at French-ing if you couldn't French like that. Read More »

Morris Jimson's picture

Steal These Tweets: America the Absurd

Katy Perry wearing an American flag dress

Click on any text to retweet it.

Feel the freedom of mediocre life, questionable liberty, and the "are-we-there-yet" pursuit of happiness, with justice for some. Read More »

Charlie Mihelich's picture

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just the Manager at This Olive Garden

Olive Garden billboard at night

Hey everybody, gather ‘round. Rough day today, guys. Roughhhh day. You all really stepped up during the dinner rush, and we got through it. Go us! I think I can speak for all of us when I say "No more minestrone soup!" am I right? It's fun sharing a joke with you guys. We're all in this together. Read More »

Jacob Trowbridge's picture

The ONLY 6 Reasons to Not Tip Your Server

Zero percent tip for a restaurant server

Lately, there's been an uproar in the media over "tip shaming," where servers share photos of the actual receipts of customers who left a hefty "0" in the tip column, generally with some sort of pro-religion/anti-gay message scrawled along with it. Read More »

Morris Jimson's picture

Country Music is Immoral and Illegal

Miranda Lambert holding a shotgun

You love country music. Who wouldn't? Sure, it may be simple and repetitive, but some people say there's brilliance in simplicity. Well, maybe not some people, but I just did. Heartbreak, Jesus, a cold one, and a suspiciously lavish, jacked-up truck that isn't reflective of the town's median income. Rinse. Repeat. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Read More »




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