'Tis the season again for being bombarded with really weird Christmas songs that we all sing along to, but haven't really given the underlying message a second thought. So you know what that means... it's time for overanalyzing another Christmas song that you can NEVER EVER hear again without your mind going to a very dark place. Read More »
"The world is awful and falling apart."
"No it's not."
-The World Read More »
"Cole, what the fuck are you doing?"
My editor-in-chief, Court Sullivan, looked at me in shock as I sat on the impressively large desk he kept situated in his office.
"I'm waiting for you, my friend. Just here to pitch you the idea for my latest article." I hopped off the desk and took a couple of steps forward. Read More »
Nothing says Happy Halloween like scantily clad, horny women who want nothing else than to act sinfully. Halloween is a special time of year that causes people to behave and act in ways that are seemingly out of character and downright evil. Or are they? Read More »
Racism is on its way out.
That's actually a fairly inflammatory statement, as people in many parts of the world, and even in our own country (the United States as of the time of this writing, in case any of my future actions cause me to flee to a country that doesn't share extradition treaties with the US) can attest to, racism is very much a real problem, and even a threat. Read More »
Ferguson, Missouri has been in the news a lot lately. Apparently, someone was shot there. This is usually not that big a deal. People get shot in Ferguson all the time. I'm pretty sure they teach a class on the best ways to shoot people at nearby (unaccredited) Normandy High School. Read More »
Cover songs usually kind of fucking suck. And if you disagree, then you're either wrong and ugly, or, like most of the world, you only remember the few cover songs that have stuck around precisely because they were really good, and have ignored the literally hundreds of shitty covers that have fallen by the wayside. And ugly. Read More »
"The fuck is amuse bouche?" you may find yourself asking. As well you should, unless you're French, because it's a French term, and you would be really bad at French-ing if you couldn't French like that. Read More »
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Feel the freedom of mediocre life, questionable liberty, and the "are-we-there-yet" pursuit of happiness, with justice for some. Read More »
Hey everybody, gather ‘round. Rough day today, guys. Roughhhh day. You all really stepped up during the dinner rush, and we got through it. Go us! I think I can speak for all of us when I say "No more minestrone soup!" am I right? It's fun sharing a joke with you guys. We're all in this together. Read More »
Lately, there's been an uproar in the media over "tip shaming," where servers share photos of the actual receipts of customers who left a hefty "0" in the tip column, generally with some sort of pro-religion/anti-gay message scrawled along with it. Read More »
You love country music. Who wouldn't? Sure, it may be simple and repetitive, but some people say there's brilliance in simplicity. Well, maybe not some people, but I just did. Heartbreak, Jesus, a cold one, and a suspiciously lavish, jacked-up truck that isn't reflective of the town's median income. Rinse. Repeat. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Read More »
Okay, guys, gather round. Big day today. I'm going to be straight with you: The Sabre Tooth Tigers are the most feared team in the league. If we were in the business of keeping score or tracking win-loss records or doing any fucking thing (sorry for that) to determine who is a natural-born athlete and who should probably just be inside reading books, they'd be numero uno, but until such time as I am in charge of the Magnolia Center Little League, this is purely WOM. That's "Word of Mouth," kiddos. Read More »
The first time I kissed Jake it was a bad idea. Jake wasn't a bad kisser, but I shouldn't have kissed him. I liked him a lot. He was funny and nice and he didn't have bleached hair anymore, but kissing Jake led to the most painful word any girl could ever hear from a boy ever: ouch. Read More »
1. My friend had arranged for me to go on a blind date. When we met at the restaurant, she was reading off of the menu.
2. After anxiously waiting for hours for my package to arrive, I sat down to take a shit. Then the doorbell rang. Read More »