Leonard Nimoy died and you'll have to live with that you heartless bastard. He was 83, which is a pretty good age to die. He died of COPD, but nothing fell on him so it's easy to say he had a good long life and he died peacefully in his sleep. I mean, it's easy to say that anyway but I'm pretty sure it's true. Some people like to say stuff that's true but those people don't work on television so no one listens to them anyway. Read More »
Ladies, have you ever ended up at a man's house after your first or second date with no intention of being intimate, but the attraction factor escalates quickly, and suddenly you realize you haven't showered since before work that morning and need to freshen up your "Judy"? Read More »
Another year is gone and yet again we leave the past behind us and look to the future, which I'm sure included reading this article about some of the things I'm looking forward to. Shhhh, just go with it and keep reading, it's certainly better than lamenting over the fact that you will never again experience a date with consecutive numbers in your lifetime. Oh, you didn't realize that, well no use crying over it now, let's just move on... Read More »
My passport needed to be renewed. I didn't want to do it, but I made an appointment on my day off to meet with the proper authorities. I brought all the required material, fought my way through LA traffic, and arrived 15 minutes before my appointment. I made no plans with friends until well after the agency's 5pm closing time. I brought my iPad, knitting needles, and a brown bag lunch, anticipating an entire wasted day of my life. Read More »
It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of Theresa and Larry Cullen. The couple died last week due to a mudslide off an Alabama interstate. Their hostile conversation was recorded on the car's dash cam. It provided insight into their final moments... Read More »
'Tis the season again for being bombarded with really weird Christmas songs that we all sing along to, but haven't really given the underlying message a second thought. So you know what that means... it's time for overanalyzing another Christmas song that you can NEVER EVER hear again without your mind going to a very dark place. Read More »
"The world is awful and falling apart."
"No it's not."
-The World Read More »
"Cole, what the fuck are you doing?"
My editor-in-chief, Court Sullivan, looked at me in shock as I sat on the impressively large desk he kept situated in his office.
"I'm waiting for you, my friend. Just here to pitch you the idea for my latest article." I hopped off the desk and took a couple of steps forward. Read More »
Nothing says Happy Halloween like scantily clad, horny women who want nothing else than to act sinfully. Halloween is a special time of year that causes people to behave and act in ways that are seemingly out of character and downright evil. Or are they? Read More »
Racism is on its way out.
That's actually a fairly inflammatory statement, as people in many parts of the world, and even in our own country (the United States as of the time of this writing, in case any of my future actions cause me to flee to a country that doesn't share extradition treaties with the US) can attest to, racism is very much a real problem, and even a threat. Read More »
Ferguson, Missouri has been in the news a lot lately. Apparently, someone was shot there. This is usually not that big a deal. People get shot in Ferguson all the time. I'm pretty sure they teach a class on the best ways to shoot people at nearby (unaccredited) Normandy High School. Read More »
Cover songs usually kind of fucking suck. And if you disagree, then you're either wrong and ugly, or, like most of the world, you only remember the few cover songs that have stuck around precisely because they were really good, and have ignored the literally hundreds of shitty covers that have fallen by the wayside. And ugly. Read More »
"The fuck is amuse bouche?" you may find yourself asking. As well you should, unless you're French, because it's a French term, and you would be really bad at French-ing if you couldn't French like that. Read More »
Click on any text to retweet it.
Feel the freedom of mediocre life, questionable liberty, and the "are-we-there-yet" pursuit of happiness, with justice for some. Read More »
Hey everybody, gather ‘round. Rough day today, guys. Roughhhh day. You all really stepped up during the dinner rush, and we got through it. Go us! I think I can speak for all of us when I say "No more minestrone soup!" am I right? It's fun sharing a joke with you guys. We're all in this together. Read More »