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Cole F.M.'s picture

3 of Life's Greatest Mental Roadblocks: Racism, Astrology and Your Attitude

Two racist children sitting on the moon

Racism is on its way out.

That's actually a fairly inflammatory statement, as people in many parts of the world, and even in our own country (the United States as of the time of this writing, in case any of my future actions cause me to flee to a country that doesn't share extradition treaties with the US) can attest to, racism is very much a real problem, and even a threat. Read More »

Nathan DeGraaf's picture

Your Guide to Having Fun in Ferguson

Amuse bouche served on a plate

Ferguson, Missouri has been in the news a lot lately. Apparently, someone was shot there. This is usually not that big a deal. People get shot in Ferguson all the time. I'm pretty sure they teach a class on the best ways to shoot people at nearby (unaccredited) Normandy High School. Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

6 Cover Songs That Blow the Original Away

Amuse bouche served on a plate

Cover songs usually kind of fucking suck. And if you disagree, then you're either wrong and ugly, or, like most of the world, you only remember the few cover songs that have stuck around precisely because they were really good, and have ignored the literally hundreds of shitty covers that have fallen by the wayside. And ugly. Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

Simple Recipes to Impress the Person You Want to Bang: Amuse Bouche

Amuse bouche served on a plate

"The fuck is amuse bouche?" you may find yourself asking. As well you should, unless you're French, because it's a French term, and you would be really bad at French-ing if you couldn't French like that. Read More »

Jeff Gassen's picture

Steal These Tweets: America the Absurd

Katy Perry wearing an American flag dress

Click on any text to retweet it.

Feel the freedom of mediocre life, questionable liberty, and the "are-we-there-yet" pursuit of happiness, with justice for some. Read More »

Charlie Mihelich's picture

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just the Manager at This Olive Garden

Olive Garden billboard at night

Hey everybody, gather ‘round. Rough day today, guys. Roughhhh day. You all really stepped up during the dinner rush, and we got through it. Go us! I think I can speak for all of us when I say "No more minestrone soup!" am I right? It's fun sharing a joke with you guys. We're all in this together. Read More »

Jacob Trowbridge's picture

The ONLY 6 Reasons to Not Tip Your Server

Zero percent tip for a restaurant server

Lately, there's been an uproar in the media over "tip shaming," where servers share photos of the actual receipts of customers who left a hefty "0" in the tip column, generally with some sort of pro-religion/anti-gay message scrawled along with it. Read More »

Jeff Gassen's picture

Country Music is Immoral and Illegal

Miranda Lambert holding a shotgun

You love country music. Who wouldn't? Sure, it may be simple and repetitive, but some people say there's brilliance in simplicity. Well, maybe not some people, but I just did. Heartbreak, Jesus, a cold one, and a suspiciously lavish, jacked-up truck that isn't reflective of the town's median income. Rinse. Repeat. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Read More »

Charlie Mihelich's picture

No Kids, We're Not Going to Round Table Pizza After the Game

Sad boy holding a Little League baseball bat

Okay, guys, gather round. Big day today. I'm going to be straight with you: The Sabre Tooth Tigers are the most feared team in the league. If we were in the business of keeping score or tracking win-loss records or doing any fucking thing (sorry for that) to determine who is a natural-born athlete and who should probably just be inside reading books, they'd be numero uno, but until such time as I am in charge of the Magnolia Center Little League, this is purely WOM. That's "Word of Mouth," kiddos. Read More »

Codie Leiker's picture

The Worst Kisser on the Planet

Guy and girl kiss badly

The first time I kissed Jake it was a bad idea. Jake wasn't a bad kisser, but I shouldn't have kissed him. I liked him a lot. He was funny and nice and he didn't have bleached hair anymore, but kissing Jake led to the most painful word any girl could ever hear from a boy ever: ouch. Read More »

Jeff Gassen's picture

10 Spooky Two-Sentence Stories

Blind person touching a Braille hamburger bun at McDonald's

1. My friend had arranged for me to go on a blind date. When we met at the restaurant, she was reading off of the menu.

2. After anxiously waiting for hours for my package to arrive, I sat down to take a shit. Then the doorbell rang. Read More »

Mike Lamb's picture

Man Fiction: Books About Shooting People in the Face

Man fiction novel in army helmet

Everyone at some point in their life has seen a romance novel. And everyone knows that romance novels are stupid pieces of literary trash marketed towards sad, lonely old women with no lives. But what about men? We also enjoy trash. But we require something a little different for our needs. We require the polar opposite of romance: mindnumbing violence, and lots of it. Don't argue with me. You'll take your goddamn gender stereotype and like it. Read More »

Codie Leiker's picture

7 Reasons Why Babies are the Worst (From a Mom)

Baby with googly eyes eating food

Hello all you out there in PIC-Land! It's me, Codie, and I'm back. Most of you were probably wondering what happened to me, why I had never sent a thank you card for all of the gluten-free pies that came to my doorstep. Because gluten is delicious and you're ruining pies, that's why. Also, I had a baby and decided to keep it, so I've been a little busy teaching her calculus and the proper usage of a semicolon. Babies are like sponges: you have to teach them these things early on so they won't turn into strippers and meth heads. Read More »

Charlie Mihelich's picture

That's Why Darling, It's Inevitable

Heart with a Band-Aid holding it together

Ben stared at Sara from across the table. It had been several dates now, and as he watched her daintily stab at her penne rustica, he realized that this was not just another in a long line of short term flings; this one meant something. The realization caused the contents of his stomach to shift and jumble involuntarily, because he knew that meant having the conversation that defines the status of a new relationship. He took a deep breath and began. Read More »

Jacob Trowbridge's picture

6 Beers in Your Fridge That Prove You're Severely Depressed

Steel Reserve Blk Berry cans

When trying to diagnose a person with depression, health experts will commonly cite several warning signs, ranging from increased restlessness to a loss of appetite. But in all of their studies, one factor repeatedly gets overlooked: what type of beer you have in your fridge right now. It's hands-down the easiest symptom to help detect whether you or a loved one is depressed. Read More »




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