For you masochist freelance writers out there, which includes all of you, I offer advice that will ensure Points in Case (aka Court) never publishes your writing again.
1. Tell Court he's a tool. Read More »
Consider the letters of the alphabet. By now you should know all 26 letters. Some of them conjure up images of hot women, whereas others conjure up something else, or nothing at all.
Consider the following letters of the alphabet, and their relationship to women. Read More »
Devoid of weekly revelations about players getting busted using performance enhancing drugs, and then lying about it under oath on national TV, Major League Baseball is as dull as an office printer.
Sadly, the league's testing system has caught up with all the concoctions players have injected into their rumps. Read More »
Nothing says Happy Halloween like scantily clad, killer women that want nothing else than to massacre you with their sex appeal. Halloween is a special time of year that causes people to behave and act in ways that are seemingly out of character and downright deadly. Or are they? Read More »
A while back I explored several of the internet's absolute best nerd-themed cocktails, because I have debilitating alcohol dependency issues, but you bastards just want to watch me drink myself into oblivion while I make butt and penis jokes for your amusement. Read More »
Taking the high road has always been a difficult concept for me. It's like spitting on an opportunity the universe has given you to teach someone a lesson. The woman who cut you off in line at Starbucks spills her iced latte all over her white pants so why wouldn't you immediately empty the napkin dispenser in the garbage so she can't clean up? Read More »
I'm at the age now where I feel like I should've reached the level of full adulthood. Being an adult means a lot of things: being responsible, taking care of yourself, and financially discovering your footing. I often find myself asking, Where am I in the story of my life? Read More »
With my birthday less than a week away, and as the horrifying age of ** approaches like I would Kevin Bacon (barring the restraining order)... you know, slow at first as I don't want to startle him, but with increasing prowess and Kenny Loggins' "Footloose" playing in the background as I pounce... where was I going with this? Read More »
Up until my recent injury (coma-inducing exhaustion brought on from sheer sexual fortitude), I haven't been a big TV watcher. I have not lived in a dwelling with any form of standard television access since I moved out of my parents' place five years ago, and even then, I'm pretty sure they didn't have anything other than basic antenna TV for the last couple of years. Read More »
Did you hear the one about the woman who was engaged to a man who decided to marry CrossFit instead? Settle in, I'll tell you her story.
So a friend of a friend got engaged to a very nice man. To prepare for their wedding she told him he needed to lose some weight. She enjoys running 5Ks, 10Ks, marathons, etc. He enjoys Netflix binging, 11pm pizzas, and brewing his own beer. Obviously I am closer to him than I am to her. Regardless, he said he would lose a few pounds so he joined CrossFit on a recommendation from his older brother. Seems legitimate enough. A simple man on a simple quest to look good for his lady—until he got addicted. Read More »
Many of my friends have heard rumors of this list. I've mentioned it, quoted it, even shown glimpses of the finished product to some. I've offhandedly mentioned it to many people, usually in reference to "No, really, you don't seem to get just exactly how unproductive I am with my free time."
And now I've finally posted it. Read More »
After taking a couple of years off from writing to learn and grow (aka do some [a lot of] illegal substances, and make some [a lot of] poor choices), I've decided to give the old column a reboot. And also, Court, my editor/best friend/true love/archnemesis wouldn't leave me alone about it.
Seriously, it got to be embarrassing. Read More »
Hello, I'm internet sensation Cole F. M., and today I bring you happy, joyous news. News about the beautiful, golden age we live in. And what age is that, you ask? Well, two thousand and fifteen, for you literal types in the audience. What are you even doing here, anyway? Read More »
My 10-year college reunion has been a point of contention since the first of 18 invitations arrived at my parents' house. My mom called me up and asked, "Your school sent you some thick letters honey, can I open them?" Sure mom, I've already been accepted and graduated. What the hell else can possibly be in there? A refund check? Highly doubtful. Read More »
Nicholas Sparks in is the business of making beautiful people more beautiful by packaging them in storylines that make teenage girls swoon and single women weep before they fall asleep at night. Unfortunately, these seemingly epic love stories are dangerous to women who bear a delicate psyche, because they begin to believe that just around the corner is the white knight, the sexy visiting urban cowboy, the modest millionaire. Read More »