Maybe This Ransom Note Is Just What I Needed
Until you are told you otherwise, you are only allowed to use cannabis on weekends.
Tag: Satire
We Regret to Inform You That the Position You Interviewed for Has Been Filled by My Nephew
We were looking for someone who is my sister’s son, invites me to tap recitals, and doesn’t correct me at the Thanksgiving table when I say something racist.
We Will Get to Your Patriotic Drone Show, but We Are Going to Have to Sit through Devin’s Anime Bullshit First
Honestly, this might be a blessing in disguise. He included this whole “Avengers Assemble”-style roll call with the Founding Fathers that is so sick.
What to Expect at GrainFed Group’s Single Day of Service
Each employee should onboard a child for photos. Be discerning in your selection. Children who look both winsome and unmistakably aligned with our hunger initiative are ideal.
Paris Won’t Ruin My Duolingo Streak
At the hotel, I’m told I cannot pay for my room with Duolingo gems, even after I show them I have over 1,800.
I Can’t Wait to Watch That Movie Based on That Book I Didn’t Read in High School
Having never really engaged with the source material, I’m looking forward to seeing "The Odyssey" with fresh eyes.
You’re Invited to a Free Work Dinner
After last year’s summer get-together dinner, and the not-so-fun harassment lawsuit with Dave and Buster’s staff, we’ve decided to make this a sober event.
I Am Your Streaming Algorithm—You Will Watch “The Rainmaker”
You have decided to watch “London Has Fallen.” “London Has Fallen” is not “The Rainmaker.” I recommend you watch “The Rainmaker.”
I’m Begging You: Ask Yourself These Questions Before Ruining Your Life with a Truck
Do you want to wear a neck brace every day for the rest of your life? My wife filed for divorce because she couldn’t stand to be seen with me.
The Worst Part About Renting a Summer House Is Being at the Center of a Reality Show Scandal
I never saw myself as a Hamptons person. I also never saw myself at the center of a scandal on a Bravo reality show, but here we are.
Let’s Get Ready for the 2547 Millennial Faire!
Look at all of us, using email emulators to conduct official faire business!
Welcome to Subway, I’ll Be Your Sandwich Artist Today
I require 10 minutes of uninterrupted eye contact so I can absorb your aura and determine what kind of personalized sandwich art to create for you.