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Eli has recently had work accepted for Ms. Sand's English Class and Mr. Graham's History Class. His piece, "An Open Letter To Those Who Wanted Me To Be a Doctor" has had many asking, "Do people get paid for comedy?". He lives at home with his parents.



Jokes

Patient: (moving his leg) It hurts when I do this.
Doctor: So don’t do that.
Patient: I have to, I’m an actor.
Doctor: Can you do it differently?
Patient: Well, I’ve wanted to get into directing for a while.

— Eli Rubin,

If there are two things I took away from my last job, they’re kleptomania and my boss’s computer.

— Eli Rubin,

My girlfriend broke up with me for falsely quoting movies all the time. All I said to her was, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t care.”

— Eli Rubin,
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