If Interns Had Interns

By Court Sullivan

Let’s face it, interns have minimal job responsibilities that actually impact the companies they work for. Hell, the word “responsibilities” is hardly part of an intern’s vocabulary. It’s more like “responsi-YOU-HAVE-A-TASK-FOR-ME-TODAY??!” However, if you’ve ever been an intern, you know that this sort of workplace freedom can quickly turn into a busy lifestyle.

The first week you casually pretend to be doing work and enjoy getting paid to sit back. Then you realize, “Hey, I’m not a real employee, I’m an underpaid sitting-backer, and this company owes me a reasonable amount of openly-free time!” Openly-free time includes surfing the web in full office view with pages upon pages of layered entertainment sites, talking to your significant other on your cell phone at your desk while your office phone rings through to voicemail, responding to all inter-office inquiries with “Yeah I know” and continuing to not give a shit anyway, and dodging any menial duties with, “I’m kind of busy right now” while munching on honey-roasted peanuts.

Eventually, you develop many more responsibilities to your openly-free time activities than you do to your internship activities. Your day becomes cluttered with non-work-related obligations such as reading all the news on your homepage, taking advantage of Internet shopping sales, winning auctions on eBay, winning Solitaire on Windows, responding to IM’s and setting your away message, planning which bar is going to let your friend in without ID tonight, and replying to emails from your other intern friends wanting to know when you can come visit and what you want to do while your in town.

This is when you know you have completely shifted your priorities away from work, and made yourself a busy enough person to need help from someone lower on the job-ladder. Someone willing to tackle the simple obstacles hindering an intern’s daily routine. Someone willing to lay it all on the line so you can intern to the fullest…

Welcome to the world of “sub-interns”—highly-specialized intern servants willing to accept the following jobs:

Popup Killer »

Copy-Coffee Bitch »