The Snippets Moved Next Door

Ashley: So, you're taking Friday off to watch the spelling bee?
Me: The semi-finals, yup.
Ashley: You are so such a geek.
Me: The spelling bee kicks ass and everyone knows it. All non-believers will be swayed.
Ashley: Dork.

Scott: I don't know how I feel about carrying this mattress.
Me: Nobody does.

Me: Why are you sitting on the floor?
Julie: I don't trust those couches.
Me: Why not?
Julie: You own them.
Me: That was point mother-grabbing blank right there.

Scott: Where'd Aaron go?
Me: I don't know.
Scott: He didn't say goodbye?
Me: I'm not sure.
Scott: Well, it is a moving day. He probably just didn't want to help.
Me: Nobody does.

Scott: Where's Babyface?
Me: Probably still sleeping.
Scott: He said he'd help move.
Me: If there's one thing that losing my car has taught me, it's that people are not above breaking plans based solely on how they feel at the time. I mean, what am I gonna do about it? Not walk him to work?
Scott: Yeah, come to think of it, what the hell am I doing here?

Ashley: I think it's funny that you got all "oh I love you" with a chick after like, three months. Didn't you used to have balls?
Me: Ouch.
Ashley: I mean seriously, what the hell happened to you that you would let something like this breakup bring you down? The Nate I knew was far too arrogant to value the opinions of others. What happened?
Me: I was trying to improve, you know get more sensitive and caring and all that.
Ashley: What a bunch of bullshit. That's not improving. That's living a lie.
Me: Hmmm.
Ashley: If you want to improve, go to night school or get a second job or just keep working out. Living a lie won't help anyone. The idea, you dumbass, is to find someone who actually likes who you are.
Me: That may be difficult.
Ashley: For you it's probably impossible, but even that's better than faking it.
Me: Good point.

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