Game Picking without Seeds

For those of you who don't know, this is the first time I have written about the NFL playoffs without the contributions of a former PIC columnist who, sensing that this site wasn't gonna help with his post-college writing career, left us a few weeks ago. I'm a little torn about J-Reb's absence because I simultaneously empathize with his situation while thinking him to be a bit of a wuss about the whole thing. I mean, I understand that a man can rest on his laurels, but he sure as shit can't eat off of them, so I'm? well, I'm torn.

I'm also not sure what laurels are, but whatever.

Anyway, we're starting a new tradition here at The Nate Way. As some of you may know, a few times this year I was able to pick the games with a hot girl who I nicknamed Stoner Chick. I did a much better job picking the games with her help than without her help and she managed to make many of you laugh.

And she is back.

And she has some shit to get off her c-cups. Here we go.

"Hey guys. Sorry I've been away so long but I had the holidays to deal with, my Aunt Claire died and work has been a pain in the ass. Before we get to the games, I want you guys to know one thing: I wasn't that mad at Nate for writing about me. He didn't really lie about anything and he made it much easier to understand how he feels about me and I think that was really nice. But, he didn't ask my permission and that pissed me off. I also could have done without him writing about the blowjobs, but I think that was funny, too. Anyway, my point is that Captain Conceit wasn't the main reason that I wasn't around. It's not like the sun rises and sets over his goofy head. I was busy dealing with family stuff and didn't have the time to fool around with Chum Bucket on the computer. I'm sorry if you guys missed me."

Great to have her back, huh?

COLTS (-7) over Chiefs
One of my rules for playoff gambling: always pick the team that expected to get to the playoffs over the team that is just happy to be there. The Chiefs right now remind me of the time I got lost in a hotel and wound up hooking up with a chick at an open-bar wedding reception that I didn't even know was taking place. In other words, the Chiefs are gonna wake up tomorrow with a smile on their collective faces, win or lose. The Colts on the other hand, expected to be here and will be disappointed with anything less than the dispensing of an old school, hard-nosed ass whooping.

"You know it's funny," started Stoner Chick. "Captain Blogman over here has been to both Kansas City and Indianapolis. When I asked him if there was anything cool about Kansas City, he went on a little tangent about a place called Vine Street, strip steaks and fountains. When I asked him about Indianapolis, though, all he could tell me was that the downtown was really well lit and that he had sex with a waitress in a hotel room the first night he was there. Nate's really classy? not!"

(Stoner Chick, like the rest of America, saw "Borat.")

SEAHAWKS (-3) over Cowboys
I mean, have you seen the Cowboys lately?

"I'm taking the Cowboys," said Stoner Chick after much deliberation (read: hitting a glass pipe a few times and staring off at my Dali prints). "And it's not because I think Tony Romo is cute or any other typical girlie stuff."

Then why is it?

"It's 'cause?. 'cause of something I feel, Nate. I can sense it."

At any rate, I guess it's time to use this space to once again link to the funniest blog on the net, Drew Bledsoe's Blog. This week, Drew is live-blogging the game via Tony Romo's palm pilot. I, for one, can't wait.



PATRIOTS (-81/2) over Jets
This goes back to my "happy to be here" versus "expected to be here" theory. Happy never stands a chance.

"Bridget Moynahan is the world's stupidest bitch," said Stoner Chick, quite frankly, with an uncomfortable amount of force. "What kind of chick would let a Super Bowl champion quarterback who could easily be a model out of a relationship? I mean, how much better could she do? I think someone's standards are crazy high."

I have no idea what just happened, there. I guess she's also picking the Pats.

Giants (+7) over EAGLES
This was the toughest game on the board for me. I weighed all the factors I could, then decided that the Giants get lucky and the Eagles are doomed. And that was enough for me. No wagering on this one, by the way. Not even the money line appeals to me.

"I'm picking the Eagles because I'm smarter than Nate. So there," said Stoner Chick, sticking out her tongue.

Like I said, it's just great to have her back.

Labels: NFL_picks

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