Points in Case > Observations both Lost and Found

Observations both Lost and Found

Posted August 1st, 2006 by Nathan DeGraaf
If you haven't been in a gym in three years, and you're pale as a ghost because you've been spending your weekend afternoons in an air-conditioned apartment while writing a book, and a beautiful little girl invites you to fuck her in a bathroom, do not (and I cannot stress this enough) look at yourself in the mirror while doing so. Seriously, all eyes on her. Trust me. You'll be much better off. This is free advice, fellas. I highly recommend you note it.

I guess it follows that if Tom Cruise gets to be a deranged scientologist, then I mean, why shouldn't Mel Gibson be a drunk, Jew basher? Now, this leaves me wondering what's in store for Tom Hanks and/or Harrison Ford. At least one of them has to go completely chock full o nuts on us or I'll be disappointed. Maybe it'll turn out that Tom Hanks actually drinks blood and worships the devil while Harrison Ford places road kill carcasses in the beds of politicians. Hey, a man can dream, right?

In the chest of drawers at my new apartment, I have one drawer specifically reserved for the crap that women leave at my place. Last night, after a fun time with Liz, she got all mad at me for not having a brush, then went through my "leftover chick shit" drawer, found one and used it to evenly distribute the sweat through her hair. When I told my friend Dave this story, he said, "That's great, Nate. Your bedroom has a Lost and Found for drunk chicks. Your mom must be so proud."

At this point, I'd pay about twenty bucks to see a documentary about the Hezbollah produced by Mel Gibson. Actually, I take that back. I'd probably spend thirty.

Picking up a twelve pack on my way home, only to find a twelve pack in my fridge after arriving has replaced "finding a few bucks in an old pair of pants" as my favorite random surplus moment. And no, I don't have a drinking problem. Thanks for asking.

Girl scouts are the ultimate weapon against solicitation laws.

And finally, because logic and fluidity have been detained by Malibu cops, I leave you with the following, which one of my girls said:

"If I knew about sports, cooked and cleaned for you, you'd have probably married me. Of course, I'd have probably killed with you a meat cleaver by now, so it's probably just as well."

Indeed.

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11 Comments

juggs's picture
juggs (not verified) on August 1st, 2006:

And there it is again: one of my girls.

tylerstl's picture
tylerstl (not verified) on August 1st, 2006:

sry, Gibson only does Christian films. Thus excluding the muslim Hezobollah. Although, a documentary of "Auschwitz: The Nazi Perspective" seems to be right up his ally. Haha, couldn't resist =)

tylerstl's picture
tylerstl (not verified) on August 1st, 2006:

oh yeah, going to the 311 show at the Pageant tonight! Thought you might like to know. Word.

James's picture
James (not verified) on August 1st, 2006:

Ok, I've been following the blog and the articles pretty regularly, but are u fucking serious? You have a lost and found for drunk chicks in your room? Where do you come up with this shit... and when is the book coming out?

brother Tom's picture
brother Tom (not verified) on August 2nd, 2006:

tylerstl, hope 311 was awesome.

bro - can't wait for the book. and the Cards trades suck, no way we can make it past the first round. how could they trade Luna for some dumbass...

Rory's picture
Rory (not verified) on August 2nd, 2006:

I once went to pick up a bottle of vodka, on the way home some of my friends who were riding with me started joking about how my car seems to actually spawn alcohol. Jokingly I said, yeah, check the glove box, see if theres anything new. Pop it open and multiple liters of Jack Daniels roll out.To this day I do not know how they got there but I know seeing them was the best feeling ever. By the way, I also don't have a drinking problem.

tylerstl's picture
tylerstl (not verified) on August 2nd, 2006:

haha, hell ya Tom, the show was bad ass. Played a ton of old school shiznit (Do you Right, Unity, Down, Who's got the Herb, on and on and on).

I guess Gibson doesn't just make Christian films because he apparently has a Inca, Mayan or Aztec film coming out. Although...didn't Christian Conquistadors come in and slaughter..I mean, conquer the Inca's? hmm, I bet you can even find a Christian parallel in Mad Max lol

tylerstl's picture
tylerstl (not verified) on August 2nd, 2006:

man bad grammer.."an Inca"..

forgot about the Jorge Sosa trade....

"The Cardinals believe erratic mechanics are responsible for the meltdown that has left him 3-10 with a 5.46 ERA this season. "

...umm, great deal Jockety. lmao

Leon's picture
Leon (not verified) on August 3rd, 2006:

Oue Vaa, if the Inca movie does'nt do well maybe Mel-aki Gibson can show us first hand how a suicide bomber does his job.

Nathan's picture
Nathan (not verified) on August 3rd, 2006:

I don't really like the idea of using this space to bash the Cardinals, who made a shitload of money last year, moved into a new stadium, made a shitload more money and then slashed payroll, but I guess I just did.

I guess if you have the best fans in the game, you can shit on their backs and tell them it's skin lotion. Assholes.

tylerstl's picture
tylerstl (not verified) on August 4th, 2006:

hahaha, no dissing, just listening and taking in the facts.

Like if one of your friends gets wasted and is about to take home a woman that makes a Mac Truck look like a Prius. Would you tell him it was a bad descision or go along w/it? Remember Nate, you're here to help hehe

Word up Leon? Couldn't take the StL heat? hehehe =)

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