Is Your Hand Okay?

As most of you may or may not know (doesn’t matter), I recently screwed up my hand. As a result, I received ten stitches, which I must cover with bandages and gauze. Naturally, people notice and comment. Here’s a list of some of the comments and questions I have received.

“Hey, what happened to your hand?”
“Screwed up your hand, huh?”
“Is that a sprain or stitches?”
“Keep that up and you’ll go blind.”
“High five!”
“Whoa, what the hell’d you do?”
“Damn, I told you to stop whacking off.”
“You call that a bandage job?”
“Can I see the scars?”
“Damn, tell me you weren’t drunk when that happened.”
“Damn, who f---ed you up?”
“How big was the other guy?
“Come on Nathan, is life really that bad?”
“Couldn’t take all the pressure, eh wuss?”
“Nice start. When you gonna do the other one? ”
“I knew you were a bleeder.”
“Wow, this guy will do anything to impress the chicks.”
“Dude, I’ve been trying to tell you: first you shut off the engine, and then you work on it.”
“Hey, I’ll bet that hurts.”
“Hey, someone give Nate a hand.”
“How ironic? You have the clap, yet you can’t clap.”
“Quick, gimp-meister.”
“What’s up, Lefty?”
“You apply for your blue tag yet?”
“What you hiding under there?”
“Pushed one too many pencils, eh office boy?”
“See what happens when you try to do real work?”
“Well, that’s f---ing cute.”

And finally, my personal favorite:

“You know, white’s really not your color. You should buy some colored gauze. Maybe a green or a red. You look good in red.”