College Quotes
Henri: Does she go to school in Pomona?
Eric Does she suck a mule under Corona?
Henri: What?
Eric: What?
-Two deafs don't make a right
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About Mike Faerber
Hometown
Austin
School
University of Texas - Austin
At a Glance
Mike Faerber attends the University of Texas along with the 2005 National Champion Longhorn Football team. He majors in Radio-TV-Film or whatever major you say after he asks, "What’s your major?" Mike rarely skips class and almost hurls every time he takes a shot. In his off time, he gets naked, complains, and dreams of being a comic. Mike is funny. Mike isn’t very funny.
Recent Comments
The Trimmings: To Hell and Back
By Mike Faerber | Aug 6, 2006
| Comments (2) | Submit an article |
A recent commenter, Elise, made a rather interesting point in my blog about unfriendly college places. She mentioned that all the "great ideas for a bar" that I came up with in jest were actual clubs in downtown Dallas. Thus I now cast a resurrection spell on the topic, to bring it from the depths and have it rain down with fiery laughter upon the unsuspecting populace.
It is also a godsend, since I was very near to introducing my latest Beard On Tap feature: THE TRIMMINGS, otherwise known as short script dialogues.
INT - HEAVEN AND HELL NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
Two floors, Heaven and Hell segregate the club. Down in Hell, a DUDE sits next to attractive WOMAN in red.
DUDE - Hey I figure I'm going to Hell anyway, so I might as well come down here, right?
WOMAN - Right.
DUDE - HAHAHAHA, wanna do anal?
Woman leaves.
DUDE - Oh c'mon baby, don't be a prude... God, hell sucks. I'm going to try heaven.
Peter The Bouncer shakes his head and block's Dude's entry. Meanwhile...
INT. HEAVEN - CONTINUOUS
A LOSER sits at the bar next to a innocent looking BLONDE. There are chalices of wine, and a bowl full of communion wafers.
LOSER - So did you see The Da Vinci Code. Pretty mind-warping stuff, huh?
BLONDE - It's just a movie.
LOSER - I thought the whole (moves hands to a point, then a Y) triangle thing was interesting. I mean I've never seen a ... Womb... before, so I.
BLONDE - You mean a vagina?
LOSER - Yeah, one of those.
BLONDE - (aside) God, is sex all these people think about?
GOD sits on her left.
GOD - Oh cut them some slack, Gabriel.
LOSER - (checking Gabe's shirt tag) Just as I thought, Made in Heaven! I thought you looked like an Angel.
GABRIEL - Oh for Christ's sake.
Gabriel stands up, unfolds a 12 foot wingspan.
LOSER - Holy shit, you really are.
Gabriel pulls up his "dress" to reveal no genitalia.
Gabriel - Still trying to take me home, perv boy? God, let's go.
God - What? Don't tell me you're jealous.
The two start ascending, the Loser looks in complete awe. As God exits...
God - You're telling me you'd trade eternal bliss for a 6 second orgasm?
The Loser follows them up, devious grin on face. THEN.
EXT. APARTMENT - Night
LOSER and DUDE are seen through adjacent apartment bathroom windows, each cranking one out like it's the apocalypse.
It is also a godsend, since I was very near to introducing my latest Beard On Tap feature: THE TRIMMINGS, otherwise known as short script dialogues.
INT - HEAVEN AND HELL NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
Two floors, Heaven and Hell segregate the club. Down in Hell, a DUDE sits next to attractive WOMAN in red.
DUDE - Hey I figure I'm going to Hell anyway, so I might as well come down here, right?
WOMAN - Right.
DUDE - HAHAHAHA, wanna do anal?
Woman leaves.
DUDE - Oh c'mon baby, don't be a prude... God, hell sucks. I'm going to try heaven.
Peter The Bouncer shakes his head and block's Dude's entry. Meanwhile...
INT. HEAVEN - CONTINUOUS
A LOSER sits at the bar next to a innocent looking BLONDE. There are chalices of wine, and a bowl full of communion wafers.
LOSER - So did you see The Da Vinci Code. Pretty mind-warping stuff, huh?
BLONDE - It's just a movie.
LOSER - I thought the whole (moves hands to a point, then a Y) triangle thing was interesting. I mean I've never seen a ... Womb... before, so I.
BLONDE - You mean a vagina?
LOSER - Yeah, one of those.
BLONDE - (aside) God, is sex all these people think about?
GOD sits on her left.
GOD - Oh cut them some slack, Gabriel.
LOSER - (checking Gabe's shirt tag) Just as I thought, Made in Heaven! I thought you looked like an Angel.
GABRIEL - Oh for Christ's sake.
Gabriel stands up, unfolds a 12 foot wingspan.
LOSER - Holy shit, you really are.
Gabriel pulls up his "dress" to reveal no genitalia.
Gabriel - Still trying to take me home, perv boy? God, let's go.
God - What? Don't tell me you're jealous.
The two start ascending, the Loser looks in complete awe. As God exits...
God - You're telling me you'd trade eternal bliss for a 6 second orgasm?
The Loser follows them up, devious grin on face. THEN.
EXT. APARTMENT - Night
LOSER and DUDE are seen through adjacent apartment bathroom windows, each cranking one out like it's the apocalypse.
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