How to Completely Emasculate a Man

Women, here's how to take complete control of your man.

Sean: How's life treating you?
Nathan: Like I burned its entire album collection.
Sean: Wow. That's probably a big collection.

Women, let's face facts here.  Most of you are bitches.  And as such, most of you like to have the upper hand in any relationship.  That's not easily done because we men are bigger, stronger, more stubborn and typically unwilling to yield power.  But women, well, y'all are smarter and more emotional than us.  And you care more about your status in a relationship so you have the upper hand when it comes to strategy and timing.  But some of you, for whatever reasons, still haven't learned how to turn your man into a whipped sad sack. 

And that's where I come in.  You see, I pay attention to this kind of stuff.  It's kind of my thing. 

Emasculating your man will not happen too quickly.  For the most part, you women are not attracted to the kind of man who is close to his emotions, and as such, it will take a little time to take a strong, stubborn asshole and make him into a little bitch.  But you can do it.  After all, you've got the time.

Step 1: Get Him to Love You

Women, it is impossible to emasculate a male without first getting him emotionally involved with you.  Now, if you're dating the kind of guy who cries at movies and falls in love with every chick he bangs, this should be so easy it's not even worth actively trying to get the sad sack to fall in love with you.  He'll probably do it anyway the first time you kiss. 

But, if you're dating a confident, attractive man who has a successful history with women, you'll need to make yourself stand out from the pack.  The way to do this is not to be a typical female.  Men expect women to be money-grubbing, materialistic, lazy and overtly emotional.  If you actually prove that you can be cool under pressure, great in bed, spiritual and understanding all at once, odds are that eventually the poor fucker will say that he loves you. 

And that's when you got the son of a bitch. 

Step 2: Control the Visitation

Now that you've got the stupid asshole walking on air, it's time to bring him back down to the hard ground.  The first thing you do is tell the guy that you need to reevaluate the relationship and ask for space.  This way, the asshole learns the harsh and simple lesson that it is up to you to decide when (and for that matter, if) you two will be together. 

(Ladies, you must be careful here.  Many men know that the need for space simply signals the beginning of the end.  A lot of men simply take the break, go bang someone else, forget about you and move on.  So be careful how you approach this.  A good thing to remember is timing.  You want to pull this stunt while he's at a high point in his life.  This is the mistake women often make.  When you pull this garbage at a low point in a man's life, he more than likely will see it as being kicked when he's down and will consider you to be a heartless bitch who behaves like a typical female, thus causing you to lose the luster you worked so hard to achieve in Step 1.) 

Now that you've used your free time to fuck old boyfriends and revisit your drug habits, it's time to take the guy back.

Step 3: Qualify the Return

When you take the guy back, it is important to let him understand that the reason for the break was solely because you needed time to reevaluate the relationship and that he did not do anything wrong.  Shortly after you explain this, it is your job as a member of the confusing gender to tell him that you want him to change in pretty much every way.  If he takes you back and makes an effort to become a new person, then you know you're on the path to complete and total emasculation.

But be careful.  Your man probably has friends who would like him to keep his balls.  You need to find a way around this. 

Step 4: Eliminate the Competition

He's already listening to you about the clothes he wears, the job he holds, and the car he drives at this point, so now it's time to work on his friends.  Those Dorito munching, pot smoking, bowling buddies of his will constantly keep trying to get him drunk, take him to strip clubs and other places where he can have a good fucking time.  A man who can get a good time anywhere won't rely on you to feel good.  And if that happens, your goal of total emasculation will not be reached.  So you need to eliminate those bozos. 

The best way to get a man's friends out of his life is to mention how creepy they are, how you feel as if they're aiming to rape you.  Get all emotional and freaked out about even being near them.  Not only will he hang out with them less, but he'll start to be suspicious of their behavior, thus leaving the friendships in question and likely to be eliminated. 

Now that total emasculation has been achieved, it's time to dump the loser. 

Step 5: The Breakup

Face it, how can you respect a guy who lets a woman treat him like this?  I mean, a man needs to be a man.  And you deserve someone with a spine, right?  I mean, why would any self-respecting woman date a man with no self-respect? 

Clearly, it's time to cheat on him and dump him.  If he's really still in love maybe you can make him cry.  And if he married you, maybe you can take half his shit.  After all, you worked long and hard to remove his spine and balls.  You deserve payment, dammit. 

Men are responsible for pretty much all the evils in the world-all the wars, most of the weapons and even most of the hate was created by our gender.  We're kind of dumb like that.  By doing your best to emasculate the men of this world, you women help separate the strong ones from the weak ones and make it easier for our society to learn who we can trust and who's a punk little bitch that keeps his balls in his woman's purse.  Emasculating a male does not make you a bad person.  It just makes you normal.

Oh, but seriously.  Don't do any of this to anyone if you really love them.  You'll only be hurting yourself in the end.

And I'm not talking about anal.



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Fuckin bitches!! I'm watching my back now.

Thanks dude!

Buddy, that was genius. This should be required reading for every male with or without his balls still attached.

Well written, entertaining, yet strangely depressing...

hahahahahahaha! Wow! Thank you! Such havoc is to be greatly applauded! Pulitzer! LOL! Good stuff man. Every guy reading this identified with it somehow.

Well written and unfortunately true. My buddy recently broke up with a girl he'd only been going out with for a few months. He's a freshman in college and she is a senior in high school. He had to take her to her high school prom. When they got to prom, she kept telling him to socialize with people. He started mingling and actually met quite a few people, but apparently he was socializing too much for her liking. She got mad at him for doing what she asked. When he tried to reason with her by asking to meet some of her friends, she introduced him to one girl that barely knew her. They ended up leaving prom that night and he broke up with her. Moral of the story: she has red hair.

This should go on the PIC all time top 10 articles list.

Simply brilliant.

Thanks all.

WOW!!

Where did this brilliant article suddenly come from??!!

Definitely one of your ten best, Nate!

Gerronn, it came from the same place all my best columns come from: Hackensack, NJ.

"And I’m not talking about anal."

Fantastic!

Not only do I agree that this should be required reading but I request permission to post a link to this article.

Great article Nate. Weird that it came from Hackensack, though.

Tim, Permission granted.

Cait, everything's weird. Even in Hackensack.

Cait, if you are a woman, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is a very demeaning article

A Real Woman,

You should know it's true. I've got my man whipped. ;)

This article is gold!

Very demeaning? Fuck that. It's very true and you know it. Go back to your little hole in the ground where you deny all the truth.

Jeff Beck was wrong. Katie and Cait's comments are way more depressing than nate's articel

I'm not going to lie; once, a woman took my balls.

I devoured her ovaries with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

It worked, because hey, no more condoms.

I might be a weird guy.

Yeah, and I might be a Capricorn

That was really depressing

"When you pull this garbage at a low point in a man’s life, he more than likely will see it as being kicked when he’s down and will consider you to be a heartless bitch who behaves like a typical female."

...The bitterness about recent events in your life is pretty transparent in this one.

That said, it's pretty spot on. We all do this to some degree, consciously or no. Sometimes it just takes a little cynical hyperbole to get us to see it. Great job, Nate.

Oh I know Hackensack is weird, I'm from Jersey. Just when I think Nathan DeGraaf, I don't think Hackensack, NJ

Dude.....what is with this male bashin!! do you own a pair? this article is dumb....the only people that would consider it otherwise are complete morons. the funny thing is this....you are preying on the "nice guys" but more than likely some stupid chick is gonna take this advice and put it to use and find out that even "nice" guys wont take that shit and if they do the real reason is not that your advice worked its that they guy is probably stuffin some other hole behind her back anyway.....way pathetic!!!!!

That which doesn't kill you dude.

I guess the bruises have faded, eh?

Out of curiosity, how close to each other did you write this column and the blog post?

Column and post were about ten days apart. As you can tell, there is a lot more anger in the column.

Fuckin bitches!! I'm watching my back now.

Thanks dude!

Buddy, that was genius. This should be required reading for every male with or without his balls still attached.

Well written, entertaining, yet strangely depressing...

hahahahahahaha! Wow! Thank you! Such havoc is to be greatly applauded! Pulitzer! LOL! Good stuff man. Every guy reading this identified with it somehow.

Well written and unfortunately true. My buddy recently broke up with a girl he'd only been going out with for a few months. He's a freshman in college and she is a senior in high school. He had to take her to her high school prom. When they got to prom, she kept telling him to socialize with people. He started mingling and actually met quite a few people, but apparently he was socializing too much for her liking. She got mad at him for doing what she asked. When he tried to reason with her by asking to meet some of her friends, she introduced him to one girl that barely knew her. They ended up leaving prom that night and he broke up with her. Moral of the story: she has red hair.

This should go on the PIC all time top 10 articles list.

Simply brilliant.

Thanks all.

WOW!!

Where did this brilliant article suddenly come from??!!

Definitely one of your ten best, Nate!

Gerronn, it came from the same place all my best columns come from: Hackensack, NJ.

"And I’m not talking about anal."

Fantastic!

Not only do I agree that this should be required reading but I request permission to post a link to this article.

Great article Nate. Weird that it came from Hackensack, though.

Tim, Permission granted.

Cait, everything's weird. Even in Hackensack.

Cait, if you are a woman, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is a very demeaning article

A Real Woman,

You should know it's true. I've got my man whipped. :)

This article is gold!

Very demeaning? Fuck that. It's very true and you know it. Go back to your little hole in the ground where you deny all the truth.

Jeff Beck was wrong. Katie and Cait's comments are way more depressing than nate's articel

I'm not going to lie; once, a woman took my balls.

I devoured her ovaries with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

It worked, because hey, no more condoms.

I might be a weird guy.

Yeah, and I might be a Capricorn

That was really depressing

"When you pull this garbage at a low point in a man’s life, he more than likely will see it as being kicked when he’s down and will consider you to be a heartless bitch who behaves like a typical female."

...The bitterness about recent events in your life is pretty transparent in this one.

That said, it's pretty spot on. We all do this to some degree, consciously or no. Sometimes it just takes a little cynical hyperbole to get us to see it. Great job, Nate.

Oh I know Hackensack is weird, I'm from Jersey. Just when I think Nathan DeGraaf, I don't think Hackensack, NJ

Dude.....what is with this male bashin!! do you own a pair? this article is dumb....the only people that would consider it otherwise are complete morons. the funny thing is this....you are preying on the "nice guys" but more than likely some stupid chick is gonna take this advice and put it to use and find out that even "nice" guys wont take that shit and if they do the real reason is not that your advice worked its that they guy is probably stuffin some other hole behind her back anyway.....way pathetic!!!!!

That which doesn't kill you dude.

I guess the bruises have faded, eh?

Out of curiosity, how close to each other did you write this column and the blog post?

Column and post were about ten days apart. As you can tell, there is a lot more anger in the column.

Wrong, wrong and wrong...

It is the nice guys by definition that continually allow this kind of behavior to continue. People, men and women alike, will do whatever they can get away with. This article is not hyperbole so much as it's an allegory for sexual dynamics most prevalent in the world today.

It's high time the nice guys realize that they will continually get reamed by these shallow, narcissitic creatures. You are easy prey for these types, gents. The sooner you start standing up for yourselves, the sooner these wenches get left in the dust. They are the ones that deploy emotional terrorism masquerading as love, manipulation masquerading as compromise, and neglect masquerading as choice. Sadly, they seem to be the common denominator in the world today. It's time to change that for good, and give them no more choice but to start behaving as adults, not spoiled little children. Until they do, they will never be worthy of respect.

curiepoint- it was a funny article, dammit, don't overanalyze and kill the whole thing. actually, for that matter just dont analyze jokes in general, it tends to ruin them

Well I would have to say this is pretty much true but the guys should be careful because some of these chicks are really fucking crazy so watch your balls...haha

This is a really great Article....good job!!!!

Oh dear.
Quite true. Some girls are bitches. But guys try to do this to girls too, so let's not be sexist here.
But hilarious article!

haaha, I love it Nate. One of your best. It reminds me of that movie Saving Silverman.

Leykis 101 for life.

I've had a guy do this to me. It goes both ways.

I'm inclined to agree with Curiepoint about "nice guys" (and "nice girls"!) needing to stand up for themselves when dealing with manipulative psychopaths. There's just no other way to deal with them, other than to ignore them.

Funny article, though. And yes, I've known girls like this, as well.

this was very good. i don't think all we women really try to do this, but somehow we do it inadvertently. but reading this gave me "his" viewpoint and now i feel sad. women's lib is good in a lot of ways, but i can also see how those standards may be destructive of relationships. i'm going to experiment with doing old fashioned things and see if it helps, so i'm not inadvertently bashing men.

Can't imagine why I prefer to be single...

99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

Dayanand's picture

thankx for the advice ..... now i`ll nvr let any ***** ruin my life .

you are going to make a big confusion in a lot of relationships,they will become aware if the other gender have read your article and do what you said. Slow down cowboy we have enough troubles.

A fine example of how unthinking and blatantly sexist young men can be in an age where we women tend to mistakenly think that we've come into our own in both the public and private spheres. Kudos on your ability to alienate and degrade your "target audience," and kudos on effectively emasculating "the kinds of guys who cry at movies." You've managed to disrespect everyone who isn't an empty-headed male supremacist with your piss poor characterizations of anyone who isn't a cocky jock with a bad attitude toward women. I hope the next time you call a female a bitch she bites back.

Mate far out.. that really made me think twice...
I'l agree with it though, obviously this isn't generalizing women. But a hard thought on modern relationships, fantastic article.

Dude you fucking rule

Wow, you really are a loser. Hope all of your hate towards women gets you far in life.

Thanks Nate. You inspired me at an important moment. I'll be keeping my guard up for a while.

What are the long term effect of Emasculation? I mean other than limp dick and lack of self confidence? Are there any cures besides fucking every ass that crosses your path?

Radical Feminism sucks! Our family is victim of this. Suffering through it right now. Our family is broken b/c of her actions. b/c our son is allowing her to do this. He allows us to be hurt by her rendering himself and us helpless! :( Our hearts are broken; especially b/c of the two babies. Its coming down to the wire...only a miracle will save them. Believe me i have been praying for one!!!!

If you're a typical mother-in-law, there might be a reason he is a pushover. Just sayin...

Could be a manifesto for some douche baggy fratenrity. Nice.

You dont need a girl to become a whiny emasculated tool. Most men are already frsutrated and confused by the time they're out of high school and realize the roles they were supposed to represent dont exist anymore.

Your not as useful or as relevant anymore. There are now just as many apparel and grooming products for men and nearly as many men geared advertisement., face it guys, you ARE women now.

Anyone who doesn't think this is fuckin hilarious didn't read it close enough. LMAO - for real.

Ha, Go by the old saying " Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Will never let another female run my life like my ex did. But in the end I came out smelling like roses. Leaving the whiny ass cunt to live with her Mommy!

Oh, wow. I stumbled into this to see what NOT to do because I upset my man by paying for dinner last night, and it freaking confused me. But yeah, I suppose he is emotionally damaged by his ex. That's EXACTLY what she did to him. (She used to be my friend...)