Viva, Voyeurs!

Wells, 2011 was somewhat hit or miss, cinematically speaking. Sure there were some hidden diamonds in the popcorn tub, but the mainstream Hollywood offerings were far more ape-shit than RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. Read More »

Got a job as a Mall Santa this year? Sick of the little brats giving you lists with endless Twilight or Disney merchandise, or smart-ass parents calling you "one of Santa's Helper's," or joshing "You'll shoot your eye out, kid?!" Try using one of these handy phrases to put the fear of Kris Kringle back into them faster than you can get down a chimney. Read More »

So I was about to watch the Academy Awards the other week, when I suddenly remembered that I didn't give a shit about them. They used to be good, sure, but once a) Nicholas Cage and b) Helen Hunt have won Oscars, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to deduct something has gone bass-ackwards in Tinseltown. Read More »

Ello, Echinoderms!

Well, I've been a Forensic Entomologist for a while, but until now have not had the opportunity to mix my scientific career with my inherent knack for maniacal super-villainy, in the way of respected colleagues such as Dr. Evil, Dr. Phibes, and Lady Gaga when she gestates in that freaky plastic egg-thing. Read More »

Bonjour, Bonkers! Read More »

A reading from the Letter of Saint Nicholas to the Grinchians:

And the Sixth Angel broke the Sixth Seal and did release strange creatures, which did solemnly look not unto like a bunch of really high people cosplaying at a Comic Con. Read More »

G'Day, Mates! Read More »

Mornin', Magical Molluscs!

Well, Spain has gone home with the World Cup (or statue; thanks Andrei!), the various team captains are chained nude in the dry well in my baseme...er, returning  to their home countries; and Paul the Psychic Octopus, who successfully predicted the winner of each and every match, has officially retired back to the bottom of the sea to spend his winnings on Aqua-whores with Ariel and Sebastian (you didn't think he was giving the stuff out for free, did you?) rather than ending up in seafood gumbo or squid ink pasta. Read More »

Ciao, Cenotaphs,

One of the disadvantages of Mortality is this whole "Death" thing. Oh sure, you might have been a race-car driving, crime-fighting playboy neurosurgeon who owned a conglomerate of carbon neutral orphanages for baby seals, but one fatal mistake and you'll be "that guy who died with the beehive up his arse." People, please try and shuffle off this mortal coil in dignified circumstances, lest you find yourselvs turning up your toes under an eternal monument like one of these... Read More »

Dasvidanye, Dreamers!

Horror movie posterboy Freddy Krueger, has been played by actor Robert Englund since 1984. That all changed this month when the remake of NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET was released and the Man of Your Dreams was played by WATCHMEN's Jackie Earl Haley. And Haley did a bang up, creepy job that succeeded in escaping Englund's razor-fingered shadow and making the role his own. Read More »

Ia, Insectivores!

Your Entomological Word of the Day: Read More »

Aloha, Anurans!

I never thought I'd see the day when an Australian gave up the fight against our lethally-venomous, spined, poisonous, or just plain curmudgeonly bad-assed flora and fauna (as I write this, my niece is fending off a dingo with her broken baby formula bottle) but the Australian Government released a statement this week that our war against the Cane Toad is lost. Read More »

Bonjour, Big Birds!

Today, your Accident-Attracting Antipodean Auteur once again spent some time being taught some fucked up life lessons at the School of Randomly Bizarre Happenings, which I have been unwilling enrolled in for some time now, and which apparently holds weekend classes. Here's some highlights from today's curriculum of chaos. Read More »

Ciao, Cupids!

Like the guy with the sweet ass and the spinnerets says, "with great power comes great responsibility". Read More »

Viva Videodromers!

Well, 2009 was quite a mixed popcorn bag, cinematically speaking. For every delicious fluffy nugget of yummy cinematic goodness, there were the films that stood in for the awful, tasteless shit they put on the popcorn that I have no difficulty whatsoever believing is not butter. Read More »