In life, it’s generally accepted that math sucks, at least for everyone who’s not a scientist, doctor, or mathematician. There have been numerous times when doing math has broken the will of a young adult, sucking the life out of him or her with every theorem or function involving numbers. Doing math is sort of like watching Beauty and the Beast… only Beauty and the Beast had nothing to do with math, so it’s a Disney classic. Then again, there has to be some equation(s) out there that actually makes me smile instead of thinking about how never to look at a number again.

Even though knowing the quadratic formula won’t be useful until a serial killer runs up to you and is all like, "TELL ME THE QUADRATIC FORMULA OR ELSE I’M GONNA MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF YOU," doesn’t mean you can’t find out a lot by using it in everyday life. Fortunately, there are some equations out there that don’t conjure up bad memories of wetting yourself during a math test, and I’ve got them here!

Let’s take a look at the wonderful (and useful) equations that make life a little more worth living.

  1. Man/2 = man tragically cut in half
  2. Man + too much power = Kanye West
  3. (1 bad movie + 1 decent movie) – 5 good movies + the entire Twilight series = Chinese movie torture
  4. Pretty woman + school-funded trip to an exotic location + alcohol = missing American
  5. Missing American girl + 4 months = what missing American girl?
  6. Corn syrup ? friendship between teenage girls
  7. Y equals "I don't give a shit about math"Man + woman = child
  8. Child + man + woman (bitchiness) = divorce
  9. Canada – healthcare = giant post-apocalyptic piece of land
  10. (Productive person + television) + Nutella = lazy human being
  11. Person who farted in public + public = manhunt
  12. Stupidity + YOLO = fatal accident
  13. 50-year-old who has never eaten candy + Skittles = Skittles-induced spontaneous combustion
  14. ASPCA commercial + somebody who’s seen 100+ ASPCA commercials – sanity = dead body
  15. (Mother nature + period) x Earth = natural disaster
  16. Good taste in music + horrible person = hipster
  17. Hipster/2 = person thankfully cut in half
  18. (Wound + time) + (Samurai – forgiveness) = revenge = hit movie
  19. Alien + makeup + love = Oprah Winfrey
  20. Baked goods + weed = BAKED goods
  21. (Technology + accelerated development) + Earth X monkeys = planet of the apes
  22. Child + super strength = Hercules – empathy = MEGA ROBOT HERCULES
  23. (Giant lizard + Tokyo Bay) – Japan = lizard taking a bath
  24. (Bert + Ernie) x sex = What’s really happening on Sesame Street ? Anal sex
  25. Family photo + middle finger = meme
  26. Stupid person + thinking cap = kid with cool hat
  27. (Really lucky person x 5) + Russian roulette = failed suicide attempts
  28. Earth = America = The Hunger Games
  29. Human + radiation = superhuman
  30. Food + radiation = superfood
  31. Superfood + human = human being eaten alive
  32. Pop x corn = delicious
  33. Pop – corn = gunshot wound
  34. Gunshot x 50 = 50 Cent
  35. 50 Cent – life = Tupac or Biggie Smalls
  36. Love + douche + average guy – hot girl = standard gay couple
  37. Math teacher + Jesus Freak = fight to the death
  38. Person + immortality – high IQ = that girl you wish would just die already
  39. Man putting a ring on it + woman – free will = how hit songs and forced marriages are made
  40. Cookie Monster – radiation = regular monster
  41. College + magic + evil = Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry = my future school
  42. Feminist – lesbian qualities + nice body = stripper
  43. Prostitute – prostitution laws = business owner
  44. Facebook – knowledge = face
  45. Attractive person + thick rimmed glasses – anyone who really cares = person who is in no way nerdy

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