Full employment in the United States is possible, but only if every American willing to work takes a job for which he or she is totally unqualified. It’s already happening, from the lowest levels of society to the highest.

What’s more, most Americans find being clueless at work to be deeply rewarding. And so can you!

Heed the wisdom of these on-the-job no-nothings.

“Refuse to step one foot on the learning curve. You’re liable to slip and slide off. The less you know, the easier it is to claim success after your first 100 days on the job.”
-Kelley D., Celebrity Hair Stylist

“One of the greatest feelings is the sense of awe I experience every day when I appreciate the sheer complexity of my responsibilities. It’s like nobody knew the female reproductive system could be so complicated.”
-Buckey F., Gynecologist

“Not knowing what you’re doing makes it easy to get ideas from ‘outside the box.’ I struggled to find funding for interstate highway improvements. Then it hit me: Build those roads and make South Dakota pay for it!”
-Octavio R., Commissioner of Highways, North Dakota

“Never bottle up your confusion. Think out loud. Even better: Be confused out loud. An effective way to communicate your muddled beliefs is Twitter.”
-Kisha P., Police Desk Sergeant

“If you don’t know anything about your field, it’s impossible to assemble a competent staff. But you can strengthen family bonds by hiring your own flesh and blood. For the most difficult jobs, however, branch out. Hire an inexperienced son in-law.”
-Karen B., Medical Staffing Officer

“With no coherent understanding of my industry, I’m free to blather aimlessly during board meetings. It shows everyone I am above the nit-picking details of smaller minds. Never forget: With ignorance of detail comes the courage to act on impulse.”
-Derrick Q., Gas and Electric Utility Board Chairman

“As long as I’m disconnected from reality, everything I say expresses a personal truth. The trick is to never lose sight of your own self-importance. Always speak with complete confidence. The honesty is so invigorating!”
-Trevor P., High School Physics Teacher

“It’s not enough to be confident that you can fix it. You need to be confident that ONLY YOU can fix it.”
-Gail P., Heating and Air-conditioning Repair Specialist

“Having no idea what I’m doing allows tremendous flexibility. Because I lack a coherent strategy beyond impressing the person I’m talking to, I am free to change my mind in the very next moment.”
-Gabriella B., Aerospace Industry Executive for Planning

“With no sense of the real demands of my position, the ‘right thing to do’ suddenly becomes obvious. I only need to project a vain confidence in my ability to lead.”
-Barnaby R., Civic Opera Musical Director

“I’m overweight, can’t touch my toes, and lose my breath jumping down from the back of a pickup. But as soon as that beautiful Mexican wall is built, I’m poised to make a vital contribution to American agriculture.”
-Donald T., U.S.-born Migrant Farmworker

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