Paul Frank

At a Glance:

Well, uh, I'm white. We know that for sure.

Bio:

Step into my mind for a second. Come on, sit down, take your shoes off, stay a while. Okay, put your fucking shoes back on.

Old Bios:

I was always the cool kid in school.

Paul Frank's work has been featured in the front page of College Humor, the newly released Book of Beer Pong, FuckThatBand.com, and your grandmother's cooch.

I often feel persecuted for my beliefs. Usually, I blame it on my Jewish heritage and faith. But I think I probably just have some really fucked-up beliefs.

Paul Frank's work has been featured in the front page of College Humor, the newly released Book of Beer Pong, FuckThatBand.com, and your grandmother's cooch.

Some real Freudian shit.

Saying what you think you don't think.

Points in Case's resident creepy white guy.

Paul Frank has written more comedy than your grandma's had periods.

Paul Frank is a mystical creature like leprochauns, midgets, and MILFs. He lives solely on a diet of vodka, Hot Pockets, and milk-less cereal. His favorite books are drug memoirs and books about serial killers. Oh, and The Cat in the Hat. That shit was bomb.

Allow me to awkwardly switch to first-person. I've drowned in both the gene pool and a cess pool. I'm like the Michael Phelps of drowning.

Old bios:

Paul Frank is currently working on a Jewish children's book tentatively titled "Fuck You, Jesus."

Scarred for life from years of Catholic school (now repressed memories), Paul Frank was raised on movies like Tommy Boy, Happy Gilmore, and Cheech and Chong, instead of Disney movies like normal kids.

I'm scared of the darks.

I make being funny look hard.

They say the fastest way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. I want to know the fastest way to a woman's vagina. When's the last time you fucked a girl's heart?

Hey, I won't be mad at ya if you peruse my comedy a bit.

Column:

Outrageous and absurd comedy with no point other than to make you laugh, or run home screaming bloody controversy.

I Would Be Quite the Catch in Prison 5 , 4.4
Rihanna and Chris Brown: The Police Report in Script Form 17 , 3.3
Everyone's High-Fiving Except for You 3 , 3.0
Where Do You Go from Here, Black People? 4 , 3.2
Medical Marijuana: My New Medication 14 , 4.2
Um, So I Think You Might Have Herpes 3 , 1.9
How Far We Have Come, How Far We Have Yet to Go 0 , 2.2
Mom, Dad, I'm Going into Porn 3 , 4.0
I'm Sorry I Let the Orgy Down 5 , 3.7
Hey Will, It's Me, Carlton! 5 , 2.7
I'm Sorry I Shanked You 5 , 3.8
Hi, I'm a Dentist 6 , 3.5
Ron Jeremy Motivational Speech 3 , 3.9
Dear Black People: Stop Haunting My Dreams 25 , 3.5
Hit Me Baby One More Time 5 , 3.4
That Bank Robber is Not Fucking Kidding 1 , 4.1
Don't Look Now, But a Homeless Man is Trying to Kill You 5 , 3.9
I Must've Died and Gone to Hooters 3 , 4.2
Condoms: Are They Stupid and Unnecessary? 7 , 3.6
Lord Glaxnor Says All Old People Must Die 6 , 3.5
My Janitorial Legacy 4 , 3.4
Alright, Which Asshole Brought Crack to the Coke Party? 8 , 3.6

Blog:

Short skits, hypothetical situations, controversial humor, and other random comedy tidbits.

Justin Bieber is Herman Cain 3 , 5.0
Taco Bell: Your New Stepdad 8 , 4.7
Hey Egyptians 8 , 3.2
My State of the Union 3 , 3.9
Areola Borealis 8 , 4.8
Please Help BP 6 , 4.2
Someone's Gotta Do It 5 , 3.9
My Rejected McSweeney's Submission 6 , 2.7
The DMV 3 , 4.0
Suburban Boy Gets His First Job 6 , 4.3
Why Don't Mirrors Blow My Dog's Fuckin' Mind? 2 , 3.9
Hey Tiger Woods' Wife 2 , 3.8
Bad Girls Club Live Blog! 1 , 3.8
Tell Me This Isn't Normal 11 , 4.3
You, Too, Can Run the Wildcat Offense! 1 , 4.0
My PIN Number is 8673 14 , 3.4
Bright Ideas and Grand Thoughts, With Your Internet Host Paul Frank 3 , 4.1
Oh God, I've Become One of Them 5 , 3.4
Now That Grandma Has Life Alert, We Can Push Her Down the Stairs Without a Guilty Conscience 3 , 4.1
Random Thoughts on 9/9/9 5 , 4.3
I Don't Even Know What the Fuck "Public Option" Is 2 , 3.8
Popeye's Chicken 6 , 3.7
Short But Sweet 11 , 4.0
I Love You, God (The Erin Andrews Sex Tape) 9 , 3.6
A Zit Waits 'Til You're 12 4 , 4.1
Wal-Mart TV 16 , 3.2
Hairstylists Just Don't Understand 8 , 4.2
Hip Restructuring 1 , 3.5
Karma's Gonna Get You 3 , 4.0
Friends & Family 3 , 4.0
If Wrestling is Fake, Then I'm a Fat Virgin Who Lives in His Parents' Basement and Lives Solely on a Diet of Cheetos and Tears 9 , 3.7
The Greatest Day of My Life 6 , 3.5
So Cold... So Cold 5 , 3.0
Sometimes I Lay Awake at Night 10 , 3.2
Excuse Me, Sir, But You're Raping Me 7 , 2.5
Dungeons & Dragons & Women 7 , 3.9
1995 3 , 3.8
I Like Vaginas 1 , 3.5
Dear Dog the Bounty Hunter's Wife's Boobs 11 , 3.4
You Broke My Dick's Heart 1 , 3.6
Two Skits I Wrote a Long Time Ago That Coincide with Current Events 0 , 2.8
Kick Back 2 , 4.1
I'm Going to Kill You 1 , 2.6
Fuck You, Subway, FUCK. YOU. 5 , 3.6
Honey, Ever Since You Got Mauled By That Giant Wild Bear, Sex With You Has Been Horrible 3 , 3.4
Jennifer Hudson 12 , 2.3
Mother Earth 0 , 3.2
Plaxico Burress on Self-Defense 1 , 2.8
Cannibal Family Dinner 5 , 2.4
Hamstring Injury 5 , 3.8
This Relationship is Over (After This Blowjob) 1 , 2.9
Did You Just Look At My Dick? 6 , 3.5
The Waiting Room 2 , 4.0
We Need to Go to Darfur 3 , 2.8
Give Me More Babies 4 , 2.9
Hey Everyone, I'm Sorry I'm Really Fat, Ugly, Creepy Kind Of, And Not Funny 3 , 2.9
Let Me Put a Popsicle Into Your Mouth 2 , 4.1
Jus' Askin' 26 , 4.3
What Kind of Coke Dealer Was That? 14 , 3.8
British Sitcom 1 , 2.0
Bristol Palin 7 , 3.5
Dear Poison Control 2 , 2.9
Can't We Just Be Friends (With Benefits)? 4 , 3.7
Let's Blow This Gas Chamber 4 , 4.1
Have You Met My Balls Yet? 5 , 4.1
Tragic News 9 , 2.8
Dinner and a Show 1 , 4.0
America's Saddest Home Videos 4 , 4.3
Oh, Fancy Seeing You Here At The Abortion Clinic, Bristol Palin 4 , 3.5
So You've Just Killed a Prostitute 49 , 3.9
I'm Just Watching You Sleep 8 , 3.1
Do You Think Michael Moore Showered Today? 5 , 4.1
Satan Runs an Advice Column 5 , 3.8
It Happens 4 , 4.2
Hey, Want to Not Watch Arena Football Tonight? 1 , 1.8
Thoughts: Chicago Edition 0 , 3.5
Hello Children 8 , 2.1
OBGYN EDU 5 , 3.1
What's That One Movie? 3 , 4.1
The Olympics 2 , 3.8
I Never Realized I Wanted to Kill Myself Before 5 , 3.8
Dear Lance Armstrong 0 , 3.2
I Just Masturbated To That Ellen Degeneres American Express Commercial 6 , 3.6
I'm Not Divorcing Your Vagina 5 , 3.7
I'm Scared of Midgets 5 , 3.9
Thoughts: Murders, Rapes, and More 5 , 4.0
Yo Momma 1 , 3.9
I Would Fuck John McCain's Wife 13 , 3.9
ATTN: All Staff and Employees 3 , 3.8
Make Your Afterlife an Afterparty 0 , 3.7
Nothing Could Top the Birth of My Daughter, 'Cept Maybe When We Beat the Bengals in '82 1 , 3.4
My Thoughts on Judge Judy, Dentists, Pregnancy and AIDS 4 , 4.3
So I Pour Blood On Babies 3 , 3.0
A Time For Prayer 6 , 2.7
That New Movie Wall-E is So Fake 13 , 2.7
Who Invited Shaq to This Party? 0 , 2.6
So This is Christmas 1 , 2.7
The Amateur Therapist 0 , 2.7
My Cousin is on The Moment of Truth Tonight 12 , 3.2
Bill Belichick's Babysitting Service 0 , 2.5
One Child Left Behind (w/ VIDEO) 0 , 4.2
Conversations #3 0 ,
Conversations #2 0 ,
Phone Conversation Video 0 ,
Out of My Mind...Onto PIC 1 , 3.3
Rosie O'Donnell Pick-Up Lines 0 , 3.8
My Thoughts Return 1 , 2.0
A Few Things I've Never Told You 0 ,
Things My Uncle Would Never Say While Molesting Me 0 , 5.0
Awkward Times for an Intervention 0 , 2.3
Things Children Never Say When You Ask Them "What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?" 9 , 3.3
Quotes from My Dentist 1 , 3.9
Cable News Network 0 , 3.3
The Delivery Room 1 , 2.8
The Neighborhood 0 , 2.5
Rape Support Group 2 , 3.8
That's Either Spam Or SOMETHING REALLY AWESOME1111!!!11 1 , 3.0
Guilt Trip Yo Momma Lines 0 , 2.5
How Come Nobody Told Me Charlton Heston Died? 0 , 4.0
An African Child's Wishlist 3 , 2.5
An Unfinished Dialogue 0 ,
Comment 0 ,
I'm a Baby-Fiddler 0 ,
The Porn Game (NSFW) 0 , 3.7
Medium-Rare Comedy 0 ,
I Answer My Own Questions 0 ,
Nomination for Worst PIC Article of 2008 1 ,
Random Musings 0 , 4.0
Who's the Faggot Now, Dad?! 1 , 3.0
If My Brain Could Blog 1 , 4.0
The Weatherman 0 ,
Things You Will Never Hear 1 , 3.0
Prank Call 0 , 1.0
Overcooked Comedy 0 ,
The Ultimate Guide to Crying Yourself to Sleep 1 , 3.1
Comedy Buffet 18 ,
I Just Voted 2 , 1.0
A Little Helping of Some Points, In Case You Were Hungry 0 ,
Watch This VIDEO 5 ,
Health Class 7 , 3.8
Things Hitler's Teachers Shouldn't Have Said to Him 4 , 2.4
Never Forget 1 , 3.0
New Year's Revolutions 3 , 4.0
We Have a Problem 1 , 4.0
The Black Market 5 , 4.1
Garbage Disposal 2 , 4.5
Hitler and His Jewish Friend 4 , 3.8
The Network 2 , 3.0
Some Points Just in Case 1 , 1.0
Template For Insulting Comments 5 , 3.0
I Couldn't Ask for a Better Banner Ad 0 ,
I Think These are Thoughts 6 , 4.0
The Ol' Bait and Switch 3 ,
A New Way to Stand Up 5 , 3.0
Strip Clubs in Winter 3 , 3.5
What I Wrote Down During Geography 6 , 2.0
Don't Flush the Fish 2 , 4.0
Home Ownership 2 , 4.0
Bill Murray is Tired 7 , 1.0
Communion Food Critic 5 , 2.0
Euphoric Utopia: A Winter Wonderland 0 , 3.0
Thoughts Leaking From My Brain 3 , 3.0
Cock Block 4 ,
I Love Doing Sports 2 , 2.0
I'll Never Be Chris Berman 6 ,
Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, and Comedy 2 ,
It's Not Delivery, It's Comedy 0 ,
Fresh-Squeezed Comedy 8 , 3.0
Be Kind, Rewind 4 , 3.8
An Awkward Introduction 0 , 1.0

Comedy Articles:

College Quotes:

Sarah Palin is a Cunt
Dorm Mixers

Comments: