About Nick Gaudio
Hometown
Cumberland, Maryland
School
West Virginia University
At a Glance
Nick Gaudio attended THE West Virginia University. There, he was editor-in-chief of Calliope, the award-winning undergraduate literary journal. In his spare time, Nick liked to write, read, and show off his penis. He is currently working on a novel that incorporates all of these.
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Recent Comments
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Dear Nate,
Posted September 27th, 2007 by Nick Gaudio
If I was to say that USF is going to lose tomorrow night in their Friday night game with WVU, I'd be a liar.
However, I should add, I'd be such only as a result of the lies of omission.
And because I'm a good-natured guy (I really am), and I hate being a liar, I thought I'd give you a few truths that have yet to be brought to light in the last few days...
Not only is USF going to lose to my beloved Mountaineers, they're going to be completely embarrassed, totally emasculated, and wholly engulfed in utter despondency.
During the game, your quarterback will cry and for every tear I see, I will drink a beer of celebration. When his offensive line, incapable of feeling or expression human emotion on account of how fucking stupid they are, will rub their chins along the turf in circles, yelling "ARUGH." I will find this hilarious.
Around half-time, your coach will have to put in the second string, because ol' Steve Slaton will have lowered the morale of those pussy’s you all call starters so low that they'll have taken up jobs as Insurance Reps (heh :P)
After the game, each and every USF coach, player, and fan will go home and slit their wrists and leave no suicide note, as it will be assumed that their worth is based on their ability to play, coach and watch a shitty football squad.
A team comparable to the Little Giants...only a team of losers who actually lose.
And if you think this is just my opinion, I want you to think of this logically for one second...do Mountaineers--those country-boy, Appalachian stump-jumpin’, wife-beatin' hillbillies--ever lose to bulls?
Hell No!
I say, “42-14” and I’m being nice.
I say, “y’all will go down” and I’m a liar of omissions.
I say, “fuck 8 seconds, we're going to ride your pansy-ass team all night”
And my conscious is finally guilt-free.
This ain't Pamplona, big dog. This is College Football
However, I should add, I'd be such only as a result of the lies of omission.
And because I'm a good-natured guy (I really am), and I hate being a liar, I thought I'd give you a few truths that have yet to be brought to light in the last few days...
Not only is USF going to lose to my beloved Mountaineers, they're going to be completely embarrassed, totally emasculated, and wholly engulfed in utter despondency.
During the game, your quarterback will cry and for every tear I see, I will drink a beer of celebration. When his offensive line, incapable of feeling or expression human emotion on account of how fucking stupid they are, will rub their chins along the turf in circles, yelling "ARUGH." I will find this hilarious.
Around half-time, your coach will have to put in the second string, because ol' Steve Slaton will have lowered the morale of those pussy’s you all call starters so low that they'll have taken up jobs as Insurance Reps (heh :P)
After the game, each and every USF coach, player, and fan will go home and slit their wrists and leave no suicide note, as it will be assumed that their worth is based on their ability to play, coach and watch a shitty football squad.
A team comparable to the Little Giants...only a team of losers who actually lose.
And if you think this is just my opinion, I want you to think of this logically for one second...do Mountaineers--those country-boy, Appalachian stump-jumpin’, wife-beatin' hillbillies--ever lose to bulls?
Hell No!
I say, “42-14” and I’m being nice.
I say, “y’all will go down” and I’m a liar of omissions.
I say, “fuck 8 seconds, we're going to ride your pansy-ass team all night”
And my conscious is finally guilt-free.
This ain't Pamplona, big dog. This is College Football
7 Comments
Yeah, and it was college football last year when USF spanked your asses. Didn't hear you talking shit then.
ah gotta love the hostility brought about by sports.
BTW I could kiss your Cards. They just put my phils into first w/ 3 games left.
FUCK THE METS!!
I think this calls for some kind of bet, the loser of which will be emasculated in some way and forced to write a column about said emasculation, pictures provided.
Rob (from trenton), at least we helped somebody else take it to the Mets. Good luck in the stretch run.
Willen, Gaudio can't afford a phone, let alone a bet, but don't worry, the writer reprsenting the game's winner (me) will be talking mad shit on me blog after the Bulls decimate the Mountaineers.
By 21 points.
I'll have you know I will not be offended in the slightest, nor will I mock you kind sire, if you delete this post.
I imagine it's painful enough for you right now.
"If I was to say that USF is going to lose tomorrow night in their Friday night game with WVU, I'd be a liar."
Sometimes you just gotta quit while you're ahead.
USF cheated
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