Points in Case > Awardy Monday

Awardy Monday

Posted November 5th, 2007 by Nathan DeGraaf
Mondays are about to change. Maybe.

As regular readers of The Nate Way know, usually I bust out random observations on Mondays. I end them with a joke about logic and fluidity and the rest of the pieces are basically strings of non sequiturs. Well, as fun as that's been, it's getting a little stale. So, I think I'm gonna replace the observations pieces with The Nate Way week in awards.

Now, you may wonder why I'm doing this. Well, it's for the same reason that chicks dye their hair: boredom. I'm bored with the observations pieces. And if I'm bored with something that means you will soon be, too.

So anyway, we'll give this award gimmick a few weeks to work itself into the rhythms of my writing and if it works, it stays; if it sucks and/or blows, it goes.

As always, feedback is appreciated.

On to the awards.

Television Quote of the Week
"Wanted: middle-aged black man with a lot of sass. Big butt? and an even bigger heart."
Aaaaa?The Office

Real Life Quote of the Week
"Nate, you are so much more attractive when you don't talk because the stuff you say isn't? well, it isn't really meant to be said."
Aaaaa?Jamie the Bartender

Football Moment of the Week
Adrian Peterson set the single-game rushing record against the Chargers. Fortunately, no one bothered to wake up their head coach (Norv Turner) and let him know that the Vikings had decided to go with the ever so sneaky, "Give the rock to Purple Jesus over and over again" game plan. I love it when non-vinyl records are broken against ancient dumbasses. Just one of my things.

Random Cute Thing of the Week
My two year old nephew, whenever he sees a Jack-O-Lantern, waves to it and yells, "Hi, Halloween."

The Nate Way Healthy Food of the Week
Jennie-O Hot Italian Turkey Sausage. In addition to being lean and healthy, the Jennie-O Hot Italian Turkey Sausage is also nice and spicy, which is a common theme among quality health foods. You see, when you don't have the wicked, awesome flavor of fat to make all your meals better, you must work a shitload of spices into your food. This way, your food at least tastes like something you want to eat, instead of wet cardboard. So thanks, fine people at Jennie-O, for making my life leaner.

Random Dead Bartender of the Week
RIP, Stephanie, a bartender from The Smoky Pool Hall. Death is just nature's way of not letting you live. In all seriousness though, this sucks. My thoughts and prayers go out to Steph and her family and friends. I will not be attending the funeral, however. Those things are fucking sad.

Random Hot Slut of the Week
Gotta give this one to Catslut. Lord knows she earned it.

Murder/Suicide of the Week
Murder/suicides are the best kind of murders because the justice is swift and self-imposed. In contemporary Americana, we are defined by our need for instant gratification, and nothing gratifies like murder. This week's murder/suicide involves Wendy Dusza and Trevor McGinty. Ole Trevor left his girlfriend Wendy for dead in their Tampa condo unit then drove to Gainesville and blew off his fucking head, which is probably what Dusza's parents wanted to do to the bastard anyway.

Awesome Teacher of the Week
This week's Awesome Teacher is Cameo Patch, a fill-in teacher at a Utah high school who was arrested for slobbing the knob of her seventeen year old student. Miss Patch, you are an inspiration to the male fantasy. Keep up the good work. Damn the man. Save the Empire.

Got a suggestion for an award? That's great. Maybe you should start your own blog then. If you're so damn funny?

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